


Transfer Student

by SumDumMuffin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Asexual Character, Autism Spectrum Character, F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-04 17:30:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 67,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3076031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumDumMuffin/pseuds/SumDumMuffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sasha transfers into a new school in the middle of the year and has no idea what she's doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of these characters; Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I claim no knowledge of or expertise in high school cliques, chemistry, adoption, or romance.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha transfers into a new school in the middle of the year and has no idea what she's doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of these characters; Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I claim no knowledge of or expertise in high school cliques, chemistry, adoption, or romance.

“So here's this week's pre-lab. I'll go make another copy of this unit's notes,” said instructor Shadis. He seemed to be very serious.

Sasha nodded. The other students were already working on what must have been the pre-lab. Each lab station was a table with two students; lab partners, from the looks of it.

Mr. Shadis waved a packet idly and left the room.

Sasha stood awkwardly at the front of the class, unnoticed except for a few brief smiles from students when they looked up from their worksheets.

Transferring schools in the middle of the year wasn't very common, but it wasn't unheard of either. Sasha was one of such transfer students, and her very first class at her new school was AP Chemistry.

Sasha wondered if she should have mentioned that she was only in normal chemistry back at her old school, because they didn't offer the AP version there. Eh, it'd probably come up eventually.

Mr. Shadis returned a couple of minutes later, only to find that Sasha had pulled out her lunch as she waited.

“So here's the- what are you doing?”

Sasha swallowed. “Um, eating a potato?”

Mr. Shadis took a breath and made a face. “Do you know how to read, Sasha?”

“Yeah!” Sasha took another bite from her baked potato. “I actually performed above my grade level in literacy my entire life!”

“Can you read the sign on my front door, Sasha?”

Sasha walked over to the front of he door. “It says, uh,” Sasha paled a little. “' _Absolutely no food. At all.'_ ”

“That is correct!” Mr. Shadis grabbed Sasha's potato and threw it in the trash bin adjacent to the front door. “Now take a seat!” He shoved a stack of papers into her chest.

Sasha became aware of two dozen pairs of eyes on her as she walked to the only empty seat in the class, near the back next to a black-haired girl with a scarf who, Sasha realized, was the only person not staring at her.

“Get back to work!” Shadis yelled. The rest of the class frantically turned back to their sheets. Sasha noted that many of them started whispered conversations, many of which included her name.

Sasha nervously took her seat. She turned to the black-haired girl. Sasha considered the girl's scarf again. It was weird that she wore it, because it was the beginning of summer.

“Hi!” Sasha said, sticking out her hand awkwardly. It looked like the girl didn't care about her food mistake. That was a good sign, right? The girl stopped writing and tilted her head, a blank expression on her face.

When it was abundantly clear that the girl didn't intend to say anything, Sasha gulped and tried not to get discouraged. “I'm Sasha!”

The girl didn't say anything, the blank expression still on her face. She turned back to her worksheet and resumed writing.

“Mikasa,” she intoned.

Sasha smiled nervously. “Nice to meet you,” she said.

Mikasa didn't respond, even though a brief glance let Sasha know that Mikasa had heard her.

“Er, okay then.” Sasha realized that Mr Shadis was glaring at her again, so she pulled out the worksheet and started reading it.

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha bit the end of her pencil in frustration. Her previous school hadn't gotten to enthalpy yet, and she wasn't even sure how to pronounce it, let alone solve for it. Mikasa had since finished and was nose deep in a book.

“Hey, Mikasa, let me look at your sheet.”

Mikasa looked up from her book and blinked in disbelief. “No,” she stated.

“C'mon!” Sasha whined, leaning over to make a grab at the upside-down packet of paper on the far side of their shared table.

Mikasa's face was pure shock. Perhaps one had ever spoken to her with such disrespect. Which was why Sasha was able to grab the paper like she had.

Mikasa blinked twice as Sasha furiously copied her answers. She shook herhead and grabbed her packet back. Sasha bodily followed it over to Mikasa's half of the desk, so that when it reached its prior home Sasha was leaned over Mikasa, her elbows in her workspace and their faces only an inch from each other.

Sasha didn't seem to notice, but Mikasa blinked again, trying to process the extreme violation of personal space she was suffering. From this distance she could see every freckle on Sasha's face. She saw the exact shade of chestnut Sasha's hair was, and how sloppily her pony-tail was tied. She saw how wide Sasha opened her eyes, and she noted the deep brown ripples in Sasha's Irises. And, with a small amount of chagrin, Mikasa noticed that Sasha didn't wipe her mouth after attempting to eat her contraband potato. There were a few flecks of food around her mouth.

And then next thing she new, Sasha had stolen her paper again and was furiously copying her answers, again.

“First of all, wipe your mouth,” stated Mikasa.

“What's on my mouth?” Sasha pulled her hand into her sleeve and rubbed the wrong corner of her mouth.

Mikasa blinked in disbelief for, what, the third time this conversation? She didn't like how she was losing track. “Food. What else would it be? And you didn't get it.”

Sasha rubbed the other corner of her mouth, still missing the crumbs.

Mikasa frowned and curled her eyebrows. “Right _here.”_ Mikasa pointed to a spot on her own cheek.

Sasha rubbed the wrong side again.

'No, your _other side_ you idiot.” Mikasa said, her voice raising for the first time this conversation.

“But you pointed to your left cheek!”

“ _My_ left cheek, which mirrors _your_ right.”

Sasha mumbled something about mirrors and rubbed the correct side, but somehow still managed to miss the food.

“How are you so incompetent?”

Sasha's face looked like a scolded puppy. “W-what?” was all she could say.

“ _Fine_.” Mikasa slammed her hand down on the desk. Sasha flinched. “Have a dirty face. I don't care. Give me back my worksheet.”

“Wait! I'm almost done!”

“Do your own work.”

“But lab partners can work together!”

“We are not lab partners!”

Mikasa slammed her fist down on the desk, leaving a visible indent, which Sasha thought was very impressive as well as incredibly terrifying. The latter emotion caused her to shirk down into her shoulders and put her hands up in front of her face to shield her.

Mikasa's expression softened, but she didn't apologize or try to calm Sasha down. She awkwardly reached around Sasha and plucked her worksheet, folded it and put it in the back of her book, which she resumed reading.

For the second time that block, the entire class was staring at her. Sasha laughed nervously and sunk into her shoulders. Today was not looking good.

 

 


	2. Lunchtime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After failing at befriending her lab partner, Sasha makes many new friends and destroys clique boundaries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of these characters; Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I claim no expertise in or even rudimentary knowledge of high school cliques, World War I poetry, philosophy, adoption, or romance.
> 
> Some sexual humor, but considering the state of comedy nowadays I feel confident it's still a Teen rating. <oldfogeyvoice> oh, kids these days and their Seth Rogan comedies... </oldfogeyvoice>
> 
> EDIT: So about eight chapters in it seemed to make sense that Sasha was asexual, so there's a scene here where she jokes about sex that's a case of early installment wierdness. If I were to do a rewrite of this fic I'd change it, but I don't want to gaslight anyone so chalk the relevant scene up to Sasha enjoying sex jokes without fully understanding sexual arousal and miscatagorizing her own experiences. My apologies if any asexual readers don't feel their experiences properly represented here.

 

Sasha's next class before lunch was honors English, with Ms. Lagner. She was a published author, it turned out, and enjoyed the literary process so much that the final project for the class was to write your own book. Mikasa was in this class too, but she made a show of ignoring Sasha when they bumped into each other at the door. Mikasa took a seat at a small table next to a straight-haired blond girl in the back of the class, and Sasha considered trying to sit with them for this class until Mikasa shot her a glare with unmistakable intent; _don't even think about it._

But Sasha only had to nervously twiddle around for a moment before someone came to help her.

“Hey,” said a short bald boy Sasha recognized from chemistry, “It's Sasha, right? You need a place to sit?”

Sasha flashed her biggest smile. “Yeah!”

“I'm Connie,” said the boy. He led her to a table with six seats, and they were soon joined by a blond boy, a girl with black hair, a brown haired boy with an awful haircut that reminded Sasha of a muffin, and a black haired boy with freckles.

“So this is Jean, Marco, Mina, and Thomas,” said Connie.

“Ha! Potato girl, nice,” said the muffin head, Jean.

“Hahaha, yeah,” said Sasha. She desperately hoped the name wouldn't stick. “So there's six people here? That's a lot, isn't it?”

Connie shrugged. “We need the help. Ms. Lagner makes us read, like, a book a week.”

“With poetry on the side,” said the black haired girl, Mina.

Jean took a seat across from Sasha and leaned over towards her. “Dood, that was really ballsy of you,”

'”What was?” asked Thomas the blond boy. Sasha didn't remember seeing him in chemistry.

“You weren't there, but Sasha here picked a fight with Mr. Shadis _and_ Mikasa. In the same block.”

“What? Why would you do that?” said Thomas, looking a little awestruck.

“Huh?”

“Yeah, she ate a potato at his lab station, right in front of him.”

“Aw man, did he freak?”

“Like you wouldn't believe. His face went _so_ red.”

Sasha realized that her face was going red as well, though for a different reason. She sunk into her chair. “What's so bad about Mr. Shadis?” she asked.

“He's the detention class leader, so if you're bad, he's the one who punishes you.”

“And he likes it too, the sadist.”

“Mr. _Sadist,_ am I right?”

“Oookay,” said Sasha. She made a mental note to never eat food in chemistry again. “What's wrong with Mikasa?”

“Shhhhh!” said Thomas. The entire group put their heads down, and when Sasha didn't, Connie pulled hers down for her. They glanced towards the back of the room, where Mikasa was sitting, staring right at them.

Sasha let out a squeak and Connie promised to tell her during lunch.

Then Ms. Lagner started class.

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Though probably only one of their classmates thought she needed to, Sasha managed to redeem her stupidity in chemistry by offering an analysis of the class's poem that was completely above the reading comprehension level expected of any high schooler, let alone the Potato Girl. The teacher was very impressed.

Mikasa had her mouth open in total disbelief, and Sasha found herself smiling after seeing that.

“That was a very comprehensive analysis, Sasha,” said Ms. Lagner, applauding politely.

“Thanks!” Sasha twiddled her thumbs and beamed at the praise. “But I can't take any credit for it. We had covered Word War I poetry by the time I left my previous school.”

“But even if you did it beforehand, you still had to come up with the analysis. How'd you do that?"

“Well, I don't think I could ever truly relate to what Siegfried Sassoon had to go through, so I just contextualized it with my own feelings of frustration, loss, and betrayal.

“Well, I say again that I'm very impressed. I've been trying to get these students to analyze poetry competently for the entire year.” At the back of the class, Connie and Jean high-fived. They had this class in the bag now.

Sasha shrugged modestly. “With reading, the book is only half the, uh, the process. The other half is the reader. Your individual experiences and your interpretation complete the meaning of the book. So essentially, anything you feel upon reading is a valid interpretation of the book.”

Mikasa stood up to speak, and Sasha would later learn that her speaking up in class was an anomaly. “So what you're saying,” she said with more than a little malice in her voice, “Is that you're just making stuff up.”

Sasha shrugged. “Well yeah. Isn't that just what existentialism is? Like, not to sound like a stoner or anything, but aren't we all just trying to impose a narrative on a bunch of random events? Life makes as much sense as we choose it to.”

The class murmured in assent, even the teacher, and Mikasa blushed and sat back down.

“While I think that oversimplifies it a bit, in essence you're right.” said “When you write a book, you write what you know..." she began. Sasha would later learn that almost every speech she gave incorporated the literary process at some point. 

Mikasa mumbled something about stretched metaphors but otherwise stayed silent for the rest of the class.

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

And after that was math. Mikasa was in that class as well, but so was Connie, so it wasn't so bad. Sasha was a bit behind in this subject too, but the teacher seemed to expect that. Mikasa was called to the front to solve a limits problem and did so, flawlessly and wordlessly. On the way back she shot a smug look at Sasha, who misinterpreted it and waved conjugally back. Mikasa scowled and avoided looking at Sasha for the rest of class.

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

And after that was lunch, the other topic Sasha was good at. Everyone had lunch at the same time, unlike in her old school, so all her friends from English were there.

Cafeteria food was universally thought to be deplorable, but Sasha believed with all her soul that there was no such thing as bad food. Suboptimal food, yes. And if the food wasn't edible, then it wasn't food, which was a justification she found herself using a lot. Also, if the food had diseases, then it was the diseases that made you sick, not the food, which was another argument she'd had to use to patch the holes in her philosophy.

But the watery green beans and questionable pork cutlet slopped onto her tray didn't bother her in the least bit. And the potato chips were real potato chips, so Sasha morphed them down as soon as they landed on her tray. She had finished a quarter of her lunch by the time she reached the checkout line, which earned an amused expression from a lunch lady.

It seemed everyone she had seen in the last three hours was in this room. Sasha spied the table where Connie and Thomas? Was that his name? Well, where two – now three- of the people from English were sitting. Connie waved her down, and Sasha started heading over.

Then a girl who Sasha could only describe as bubbles incarnate intercepted her. Three paces behind her a tall, olive-skinned girl with freckles and an annoyed expression aggressively looked into the distance.

“Hey there!” she chirped. The gangly girl kept looking the other way. “You must be the new kid! Welcome to Crimson Arrow High! I'm Krista!”

Sasha chewed her mouthful of bread as fast as she could. It wasn't as fast as would have been polite, and Sasha sunk into her shoulders in embarrassment after twelve seconds. After she swallowed enough to form words around the partially chewed mash in her mouth.

“I'm Sasha,” she tried to enunciate.

Krista tilted her head “Um, did you say Sora?”

Sasha chewed some more, and swallowed. For good measure she wiped her face with her sleeve.

“Sasha Blouse,” she said offering the hand she just wiped her face with.

Krista looked at the hand and smiled with polite nervousness. She opted to fist-bump it. “Nice to meet you! So do you have any friends yet?”

Sasha beamed. “Yeah! People here are super nice.” With one exception. “I'm sitting over there, with some people in my English class,” she pointed to Connie's table- now with all five of her English buddies.

Krista's smile wavered for a brief second. “Awesome! Have fun, and uh, if there's anything you need to know about the school, don't hesitate to ask. I'd be happy to help.”

“Oh, ok!” Sasha said. Krista started walking away, and Sasha thought she looked slightly rejected. Sasha didn't think that boded well. “Uh, do you and your friend want to sit with us?”

Krista's smile saddened. “N-no, that's alright. You have fun."

Sasha pouted. She didn't want to end on a sad note with her sixth new friend (seventh if you counted Mikasa, which you probably couldn't.)

“Actually, one last thing,” Sasha said in a last ditch effort. She took a modest bite of bread this time, so she could talk around it without any trouble. Krista refreshed her smile. “Could tell me about that girl over there?”

Sasha pointed to a wall table at the edge of the cafeteria, where Mikasa, a scrappy boy and the blond girl from English were sitting at a table in the cafeteria. The two who were not Mikasa were having an animated discussion about something Sasha couldn't make out over the din of the cafeteria. It involved fruit being used as a visual aid, though. Sasha waved over to Mikasa, who looked at her impassively for a second before turning back to the conversation.

Krista's eyes narrowed and she smirked. “So it's gossip you want to know about? I really meant, like, classroom locations but yeah, I can oblige the gossip.”

“N- no, not really. It's just that she's my chemistry lab partner and, uh,-”

“And she's really unapproachable? Silent and brooding?”

“Yeah,”

“She really doesn't want to make friends. Trust me. “

“Oh," Sasha frowned. "That's so sad.”

“Not really. To each their own.” Krista refreshed her smile again.

“Why does she do that?”

Krista cogitated. “No one knows. We only have rumors, and gossips works under a 'take a secret leave a secret' system, if you know what I'm saying.”

The tall girl smiled and rubbed Krista's head at that, which was the only time during the conversation where she acknowledged it was happening.

Sasha thought she'd understood, but she also knew that she was often wrong, and that she should clarify. “So I tell you a rumor you'll tell me about Mikasa?”

Krista scrunched her face and pontificated. “You don't have to tell anything _secret_ secret, though."

Sasha tilted her head. “You mean I tell you one of _my_ secrets?"

“Yeah,”

“What do I have to give to get Mikasa's secret?”

“I dunno. It's pretty good though."

Sasha took a breath. She almost reconsidered what she was about to reveal, and wondered if these two would find it funny, but decided in the end to YOLO it. 'cause YOLO.

“I sometimes get sexually aroused by food. “

The tall girl laughed at that. Krista wore that sort of wonky smile where you're not sure if its appropriate to laugh or not. Sasha decided to continue her routine.

“Not by, like, the look or anything, or by fantasizing about porking it (see what I did there?)”

That got Krista to chuckle a little.

“Like, I wouldn't want to rub a burrito on my junk or anything. I just sometimes lose by breath when I'm eating a taco salad.”

That got her to actually laugh. Ymir was actually slapping her thigh, saying between gasps something about enjoying taco salads. Sasha smiled, for this day was now a success.

“Ah. Aw man, now I feel bad,” Krista wiped a tear from her eye, “Because what I heard about Mikasa is, like, super depressing.”

“I'll take a rain check on it, then. Wouldn't want to see you lose that smile."

“Aww, you're so sweet,” Krista reached up and patted Sasha's head. Her friend bopped her on the shoulder.

“You're all right, Potato girl,” said the tall girl.

“What? You know about that?”

“We're in AP Chemistry first hour too, y'know,” said Krista

“Back left corner,” said her friend.

"And honors English too!"

"Back right corner."

“See you around!” Krista waved and the two of them walked off.

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha eventually made her way to the table. Connie and company had taken a large one and by themselves had only half filled it. Sasha took a seat across from Connie.

“Thought you'd never make it!” said Connie. “So what were you talking to Krista and Ymir about?”

Ymir. So that was her name. “Oh, just gossip. I asked if they wanted to sit with us but they declined.”

The entire table guffawed at that. Jean even did a spit take right onto Marco.

“You did _what?”_ said Connie.

"W-was that wrong?"

"Look, you're cool and all, but you can't just go breaking social norms like that," said Thomas.

“T-they seemed nice. is there anything wrong with them?” said Sasha.

“Krista's nice an all, but Ymir's a total D-bag,” said Jean.

“She makes fun of my height a lot.” said Connie.

“She doesn't do anything for anyone unless she benefits from it.”

“If she ever does a favor for you, she'll hold it over your head forever.”

“She made Jean cry once,”

“Shut up, Marco! No she didn't!”

“Yeah, it was more than once.”

“Not you too Mina!”

“Yeah, I don't know why Krista puts up with her," said Connie.

Sasha ate her food and nodded. She disagreed, but this was obviously a sore spot for these people and they wouldn't want to hear a dissenting opinion. If she continued the conversation it would just make them more upset, and Sasha really didn't want to see her new friends be upset about something on the first day they've been friends. Maybe she could eat food off the ground to diffuse the situation? Or maybe if she didn't say anything they'd talk about something else.

“I think it's, like, community service,” offered Jean. “No one else wants to be friends with her, so she's taken it upon herself to do so.”

“Ahem,” said a woman. It was Krista. Behind her, aggressively looking into the distance with an annoyed expression was the girl named Ymir, as Sasha now knew.

The entire table besides Sasha paled, Jean especially so.

Krista smiled, even though she had obviously overheard at least some of their conversation. Ymir scowled, but that seemed to be her default expression, so Sasha couldn't tell if she was angry or not.

“There don't seem to be any two-person tables left, and we didn't want to eat in the parking lot again; It's a little cold out. Is the offer to sit with you still good? We can take the two on the far end,”

Sasha glanced pleadingly at her new friends. Their table sat ten normally, twelve if you put chairs at the end. There was no reason they couldn't sit with them, and she saw no reason they couldn't all be friends.

“Uh,” began Connie, looking at everyone else. “Yeah, I guess. And, uh, no reason to sit away from us,” he gestured to the free seats next to him and Sasha. Sasha smiled gratefully, but not as wide as Krista did.

However, now that they had joined the table, the conversation died down a lot. Marco coughed awkwardly.

“So seasons looking good,” offered Jean. The rest of the group nodded.

“What season?” said Sasha through a mouth full of food.

“Oh, we're all on the co-ed union rugby team,” explained Connie.

“Some of us are also in wrestling,” said Ymir.

“And gymnastics,” said Marco.

“The school's pretty athletic," said Thomas.

“Huh," said Sasha.

“Are you interested in sports?” said Connie.

Hunting was a sport. “A little, I guess.”

“There's two open spots on the Rugby team. Well, they're filled by noobs currently, so if you're any good the spot's yours."

“I'll consider it. Who else is on it,”

Connie counted on his fingers. “Besides the seven people here, there's Reiner, Berthold, Annie, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, and two filler players that switch out every game.”

Sasha stopped chewing. “So Mikasa's there too?”

“Shes the star,” shrugged Marco, “Of like, every sport."

“Only every sport Eren's joined. I think she's determined to show him up at everything."

“Who's Eren?” Sasha looked over at the table where Mikasa sat. Mikasa seemed to be picking at her food while the other two at the table argued theatrically. The fruit was nowhere to be seen, she noticed.

Connie caught the look and leaned in. “Her brother,” he said, pointing to the table. “The scrappy looking guy sitting next to her.”

“Huh. I can see the resemblance.”

Ymir and Chirsta shared a Look. “Should we tell her?” said Ymir.

“ _Can_ we tell her? I think that's her decision, y'know, to tell someone.” said Krista.

“She already told most of the school, though.”

“Hmm, true.”

“Tell me what?” asked Sasha.

The two girls shared a Look again. Krista looked a little nervous. “Mikasa's adopted.” she said.

“So I don't know what you're smoking,” said Ymir.

Sasha chuckled a little. Then she remembered something. “Was that the depressing rumor you heard about her?”

“Oh, no. No no no no no.”

Surprisingly, Connie answered this time. “I heard she killed a man, just to watch him die.”

Sasha laughed, and then stopped when no one else was laughing. They all looked dead serious. “Wait, really?” said Sasha.

“That's what I heard,” whispered Krista, “From her own mouth, herself.”

“No~,” said Sasha. She had to re-evaluate Mikasa now. Someone that dedicated to this sort of prank must actually have a sense of humor. That joyless atmosphere she extruded this morning must just be a defense mechanism for new people or something. Yeah.

The rest of the table muttered other rumors, which Sasha saw as utterly ridiculous exaggerations that couldn't possibly be true. Mikasa never smiled, they said. No one ever saw her without her scarf, not even in the locker room. She once won a wrestling match just by staring at her opponent, who was a 300 pound Russian exchange student; pinned him just with her eyeballs. Mr. Shadis doesn't give her detention because he doesn't want to risk it.

That last one especially made Sasha laugh.

Sasha waved at Mikasa one more time that lunch period. Mikasa looked away indignantly. Sasha didn't mind. Now that she knew they were both comedians she knew they'd be the best of friends.

Yep.

 

 

 

 

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

BONUS SCENE:

 

"Hey," Krista put her hand on Ymir's shoulder. Her face softened into an empathetic frown. With all seriousness, she said "Don't let what Jean said get you down. Douchebags perform a very vital role in everyday hygiene."

 Ymir's composure shattered. She blushed and her mouth went wobbly. "H-Historia!" she whined.

 

 


	3. P.E.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of these characters; Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I claim no knowledge of or expertise in high school cliques, obstacle courses, girl's high school social mores, or romance.
> 
> Gets a little political. I don't mean to offend anyone.

After lunch was a half block of P.E. with Mr Jinn and Ms. Ral, for the men's and women's sections respectively. Sasha saw Mikasa, Ymir, and Krista in the locker room. Lockers were only used for the day unless you asked special permission (which everyone did for sports), but today Sasha chose a locker a door down from Krista's to put her clothes in for the next half hour.

Mikasa's locker was in the corner of the room, which was close enough to Sasha's to have a conversation, though Mikasa ignored her when Sasha tried. Ymir already had on acceptable gym pants and a sports bra and stared poker-faced at her locker for the minute it took to change her shirt and left for the gym as soon as she was done. Krista, however, gave her a 'so we meet again' wave and pleasantry and complemented Sasha on her athletic build.

“Oh,” said Sasha. She considered herself incredibly fit only in that, considering how much she ate, it wasn't credible that'd she'd be so fit. She said so. Krista didn't laugh, but Mikasa smirked before she caught herself.

“No, you're _objectively_ fit. Look, even Mikasa's staring at you.”

Mikasa looked away and stuttered for a second but regained her composure in time to insult Sasha.

Krista leaned in. “Wow, what'd you do to Mikasa?” she said in a loud whisper, “She normally doesn't even talk and now she's committing the cardinal insult amongst girls.”

“Huh? Cardinal insult?” Sasha would have thought a cardinal insult would have been, like, 'adulterer' or something.

“She called you fat! You can't do that, even if its not true.” Christa stood up strait and put a finger up. “The current cultural obsession of an impossible 'thin' ideal is unfair and unhealthy for impressionable young girls. What society considers 'fat' often isn't actually unhealthy, and what it considers 'thin' is ridiculous. Using the word 'fat' on obviously thin people is just perpetuating a vicious cycle.”

“Umm,” began Sasha diplomatically.

Krista seemed to catch on. “You disagree?”

“No! No, I think you're right about society and self esteem and all, but, uh,” Said Sasha, hoping someone would interrupt her. No one did.

“But what?” said Krista. She had completely stopped changing and stood, fists on hips, leaning in accusingly.

Sasha looked at the ceiling. She considered moving to table this conversation to after Krista put on a shirt and pants but decided to just rip this bandage off.

“Well, it's sort of easy to say that when you have a six pack and you're the prettiest girl in school.”

“That doesn't make it untrue. And don't think flattery will get you out of this conversation.” Krista turned back to her locker and resumed changing. "Support your claim elsewise or apologize."

“I mean, I used to be pretty chubby, and I still am a bit, but don't you think that overweight kids should know that? And you can always strive for self-improvement...”

“I'm trying to say there's no reason to think that! You're beautiful Sasha, just the way you are! Any girl would be blessed to have you.”

Sasha stopped everything. Krista took it as a concession and finished putting on her clothes and started tying up her hair.

“Any girl?” Sasha asked.

Then Krista stopped everything, even her breathing. She paled a bit too. Her mouth formed a silent 'oh crap' but she said out loud “I-I said any one. Any body. Any boy.”

“No I'm pretty sure-”

“Then you misheard!” Krista's voice cracked a bit.

Crap. Now she was angry. Sasha put her hands up diplomatically. “I guess I did.”

Seven seconds of awkward silence passed between them.

Sasha cleared her throat. “Well, maybe Mikasa didn't know about the whole 'fat' thing. You said she didn't have a lot of female friends, right? And she wouldn't be the type to get called, uh, overweight.”

“Ignorance of the situation does not exempt one from its consequences.”

“Well, maybe we should let her know about it?”

“Why do you think we're having this conversation so loud? It's so she can overhear us wtihout us having to go and awkwardly confront her.”

Mikasa, having finished changing and on her way out the door, stopped and turned to then.

“I didn't know that, Krista,” she deadpanned. “Thank you for telling me.”

Krista smiled, but not as big as usually. “Any time!”

With Mikasa gone, there were only Sasha and Krista in the locker room. Sasha took the opportunity to say something she'd wanted to say for the last three minutes.

“Allright, so now that Mikasa's out of earshot,” said Sasha in a hushed voice, “Holy muffins she's _ripped.”_

That got Krista back to normal, aside from a brief quizzical “Omg, I know, right?”

 

//---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Ymir was leaning against the matted wall of the gym, which was divided in half by large blue tarps. P.E. took place outside, it turned out, but the girls and boys had individual meetings on their sides of the gym before going outside for joint games. Today was 'unstructured sport period,' which meant the teachers would through a bag of different balls into the crowd and let them figure it out.

Krista and Ymir were whispering something. Sasha thought she heard her name, but couldn't be sure. It wasn't until she got closer that she could make out words confidently.

"-might not even care. Sound's like she might even be a kindred spirit."

"Ogling _her_ abs doesn't mean anything. Even Reiner's jealous of those-"

They stopped abruptly as Sasha got near. Krista started whisling suspiciously. Sasha was about to say something but got pre-empted by Ymir.

“So, Potato Girl,” she said nonchalantly, “You're a lot more fit than I would have pegged you for.”

“Can it Ymir, we already had that conversation.”

Ymir scrunched her face, taken aback but not letting it affect her stride.

“But not as fit as Mikasa, amirite?” Ymir made the elbow-ribbing motion.

“Had that one too, genius,”

Ymir shot Krista a look and visibly deflated. After half a minute of awkward silence she said, “Well, did you know this school used to be sponsored by the military? Most of the kids would join the marines and stuff after graduating.”

Krista nodded. “We even had a boot camp elective before some government official deemed the whole 'gun training in school' a little inappropriate. Probably for the best, really."

Sasha wondered if it would be appropriate to laugh at that. She didn't, just in case.

“And they got rid of the uniforms. Tan leather jackets and tall boots, so no big loss. A few of the teachers still have them though. The only thing left is mandatory P.E. and a ton of martial arts teams, and the obstacle course.”

“Ah. I was wondering about that.”

Through the windows, the obstacle course looked pretty impressive, though Sasha wouldn't know a good one from a bad one. There were tire steps and a crawling section and a large tower to climb up on.

Sasha turned back to the rest of the class. Mina wasn't here, so the only girls she knew were Krista, Ymir, and Mikasa. The former two were currently arguing about something, and Mikasa was leaning off to the side of the gym, completely alone, completely silent. She still had her scarf on, too, which was kind of weird.

“He~ey Mikasa,” Sasha said as she approached.

“No.” stated Mikasa.

“What? I didn't say anything yet.”

“You were going to ask if I wanted to play with you,” stated the stoic girl, "and my answer is no."

“No~o,” Sasha lied, “I was going to ask if you wanted to sit in the corner all by yourself. But you said no, so you can play with us!”

Mikasa grabbed Sasha's t-shirt. When Sasha didn't flinch at all Mikasa tightened her grip and pulled down, forcing a height difference that wasn't there originally. That got Sasha to squeak.

“Look, potato girl, I don't know what your defect is, but-”

“Hey, what's going on you two?” Ms. Ral blew her whistle and walked over, a stern expression on her face. “No roughhousing. No shirt-grabbing. And no whispered threats in each other's faces.”

Mikasa let go of Sasha' shirt. “Sasha provoked me.”

Sasha stumbled to her feet and smoothed out her shirt.

“What'd she do?” asked Ms. Ral.

Mikasa kept a completely strait face. “She called me fat. That's a cardinal sin amongst girls.”

“What? N-no I didn't! I would never do that! I-”

Ms. Ral put a hand on Sasha's shoulder and smiled gently but sternly. “New girl,” she began.

“Sasha.”

“Sasha, I believe that you didn't intend to hurt Mikasa's feelings, but words can be very powerful, and ignorance of the situation does not exempt one from the consequences. Especially since the current cultural obsession of an impossible 'thin' ideal is unfair and unhealthy for impressionable young girls. I'm going to have you do two laps on the obstacle course.”

Sasha wanted to protest but found her voice seemed to have broken.

Mikasa smirked slightly, but Ms. Ral turned to her next.

“And Mikasa, I understand how upsetting some words can be, but in these situations you have to use your words too. Since we're no longer allowed to let students brawl it out. Man I miss the military.”

Ms. Ral shook her head and regained stride. “So I'm going to have you do two laps on the obstacle course too.”

The smirk on Mikasa's face vanished only to reappear on Sasha.

“But-” Mikasa began.

“Give me more lip and I'll make you do it tied together.”

Mikasa's face went neutral and she nodded. She headed over to the door and walked outside, over to the obstacle course and Sasha followed, unsure of what to say.

By the time they got to the starting point the rest of the classes filed out the doors. Sasha noted that Connie, Jean and Marco were in this section as well. Well, better finish this up so she could go join them.

The first lap wasn't so bad. Sasha had climbed and crawled on hunts before, but never in a hurry, so Mikasa was ahead of her the whole way. She paused at the end of the fist lap to taunt Sasha when the latter caught up.

“Give me a break,” said Sasha, panting. “This is my first time on one of these.”

“Excuses. Guess I was wrong about you being fit.”

Sasha twitched a little. “You wanna race, scarf rat?”

Mikasa _actually smiled._ “You want to make it official?”

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

'Making it official' turned out to mean having the two instructors time their laps. It also meant that the entire class section had decided to watch them. Sasha gulped. This was probably a mistake.

Connie and his friends, as well as Krista and Ymir, were cheering for her in the sidelines. For Mikasa, there was only her brother and that blond girl (Sasha couldn't remember if she had been in the locker room with them or not, but she must have been), which made Sasha kind of sad.

“I'll cheer for you,” she said.

“What are you talking about?”

“N-nothing.”

Both of them took their marks then, and when the whistle sounded, Mikasa became a blur of dust with Sasha, surprising everyone, not far behind.

Sasha managed fairly well on the tire stepping sections and the belly crawl. No where near as fast as Mikasa, though, who seemed to be holding back on her first run through.

At the top of the tower, though, Sasha's hand slipped and she found herself dangling from one arm. There were gasps from the crowd, but before her grip slipped something grabbed her forearm and pulled her the rest of the way up.

Her hand still around Sasha's forearm, Mikasa pulled her to her feet. “That was only because everyone was watching.” she said, “this doesn't make us friends.”

Sasha smiled. “Whatever you say,” she said.

Mikasa then jumped down and finished the course a good thirty seconds ahead of her. Sasha thought it was a letdown because she wasn't even close, but Mr. Jinn told her that her time was above average for the class.

Krista patted her back. “See? You're pretty fit after all.”

Sasha smiled and watched Mikasa trying not to get caught looking back at her. "Not as fit as Mikasa though."

 


	4. Biology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last part of Sasha's first day at her new school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or any of these characters. Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even rudimentary knowledge of romance, biology, or high school.

 

 

After P.E. Sasha had AP World History, with Mr. Smith. Mikasa was there, but so were the boy and girl she had lunch with. She successfully avoided eye contact with Sasha the entire class. Both Krista and Ymir were in it and, it turned out, both of them rocked at it. Ymir rocked it so hard that she tested out of the whole class, it turned out, but still stuck around for some reason. At one point Krista gave an indignant rant about the inevitable corruption of power in meritocratic governments, and for once today Sasha wasn't the one being stared at by the whole class.

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha got lost but finally got to AP Biology with Instructor Zoë, PhD. She threw open the door, panting, and saw that everyone else was already sitting down and listening intently. The instructor was sitting on a table at the front of class, rocking her(?) legs off the edge.

“Crud. Am I late?” asked Sasha.

“You still have a minute,” Instructor Zoë had an excited grin that Sasha would later learn was more or less permanent. Students debated whether or not the Dr. had a problem with coffee or a more illicit substance. Zoë was nice, through, and genuinely interested in learning. “I just like to give little pre-class lectures before the bell. Today's is about tapeworm reproductive habits.”

Instructor Zoë introduced themself and shook Sasha's hand. Sasha did so back, though everyone in class had already met her from one or more of her previous classes. Sasha scanned the room and smiled. Just like the first class of the day, at the back center of the class was a single two-person table with only one person at it; a black-haired girl with a scarf, but this time she had a look of horror on her face. She was shaking her head very slightly and whispering something Sasha couldn't hear but was most likely the word 'no' repeated over and over.

Sasha walked over to the desk and sat down. “Hey buddy."

Mikasa closed her eyes and breathed deeply.

Sasha didn't break stride. “Looks like we have every class together."

Mikasa didn't respond. Sasha thought she might be hyperventilating.

“It would be very efficient, study-wise, if we could be friends.”

“As if I'd be friends with you,” mumbled Mikasa.

“Oh, you'll come around.”

Then the bell rang and class started in earnest. Biology was another one of the classes she wasn't super good at. She'd have to ask Mikasa for help, but only for the most important questions, otherwise Mikasa might get mad.

“Hey, is Dr. Zoë a man or a woman?”

“It doesn't matter."

“What?"

“Their words. Not mine.”

Made sense. Or more sense than mitochondria anyway. “I'll call them Dr, then.”

"You do that."

Partway through the lecture Sasha got hungry, so she pulled out a granola bar. She made sure there weren't any signs that prohibited food in the class before doing so. She'd learned her lesson in chemistry.

She bit down, and found only air. She squeezed her hand and found she wasn't holding her granola bar.

To her right, she heard chewing. Mikasa had stolen it, and had taken a bite. A bulge in her cheek confirmed that she was chewing it. She appeared to be enraptured by the lecture, as always, and didn't give even a sideways glance at Sasha.

“Mikasa, that's mine,” Sasha said.

“Don't know what you're talking about,” Mikasa said with her mouth full. Man she could enunciate. Or maybe she just took small bites.

“Mi~ka~sa!” Sasha whined. She grabbed the stoic girl's shoulders and shook her. Sasha thought Mikasa had a hint of a smirk as she allowed herself to be jostled side to side.

“Is everything all right back there?” asked Dr. Zoë.

Sasha tried to speak but found there was a granola bar in her mouth. “Mrrmrmph,” was all she could say.

“Sasha's eating food in class,” deadpanned Mikasa.

The teacher smiled. “Whatever works for you, Sasha, but if it disrupts other students I'll have to ask you to stop.”

Sasha nodded. Her cheeks were hot and it was a little hard to pay attention to her surroundings. She chewed the granola bar as quietly as possible and waited until all her classmates turned away to confront her neighbor. “You ate my food,” she said to Mikasa, “And then shoved it into my mouth."

Mikasa looked straight ahead. She smirked a little. “Maybe I did.”

“That's really weird to do to someone who isn't your friend.”

Mikasa cogitated. Eventually she said, “Then I'm weird.”

Sasha frowned, but then chuckled.

“Allright, wierdo.”

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Midway through class Dr. Zoë handed out a worksheet for every table. Sasha took hers and started writing her name on it. 

“Instructor? Can I have my own worksheet?” asked Mikasa.

Dr. Zoë smiled. “Nope! Group assignments are good for you.”

Sasha looked at Mikasa, giving her best puppy-dog face. Mikasa's expression didn't soften, but eventually she looked away with a begrudging “Fine.”

Sasha pumped her fist in victory. She finished writing both their names on the worksheet and pushed it sideways so Mikasa could look at it, but kept it mostly on her side so Mikasa would have to lean over.

“So what's a zygote?” asked Sasha.

“It's the initial cell formed when two gametes are joined by sexual reproduction.”

“Cool. So what's a gamete?”

Mikasa rolled her eyes, but answered all of the questions anyway.

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha rode the bus home. Her dad wouldn't be back for an hour or so, so she got home and pulled out the homework for the day. English was easy and Math was ok, but for Chemistry and Biology her time was mostly spent figuring out precisely which questions to ask the teacher.

After an hour Sasha walked back into the dining room. Dinner was a chicken rotisserie, still in its plastic bag, and some steamed peas. And whatever snacks happened to be laying around. Her dad was helping himself to a leg and looking over a packet of paper, presumably from work.

“Hey Dad!”

He looked up from his papers and smiled. “Hey kiddo! How was school?"

Sasha broke off the remaining leg from the chicken, put the body on her plate and left the leg on the tray. “So I walk into AP Chemistry, right? And the only seat left is next to this shy girl...”

 


	5. 4 Conversations at Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Over several lunch periods Sasha asks around about Mikasa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of these characters. Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even knowledge of romance, chemistry, World War I era literature, or high school cliques.
> 
> Annie's portrayal may not be strictly canon.

Sasha spent the next two weeks catching up in classes. English came easily, and she had already started working on her final project book. Math and History were neither here nor there. Biology was hard, though, and Chemistry was harder, even though Mikasa was steadily getting more tolerant of Sasha copying her answers. As in, sometimes it would take her up to five seconds to snatch back her finished worksheets from Sasha.

But Mikasa was still unwilling to officially partner up with her for the actual lab experiments, where she'd have to handle chemicals. Most of the two-people groups took the whole hour and a half to finish but Mikasa finished after thirty minutes and was excused for the rest of the period, meaning Sasha couldn't even ask her for help. By the time class had ended Sasha was only two-third's done.

Luckily Mr. Shadis let her come in during lunch to finish up, but since there was absolutely no food in chemistry that meant she had to miss lunch,  which Sasha considered unacceptable. Better than failing, though, so she walked into the chemistry lab that lunch period and gave a "Thanks for letting me finish up this lab" to the instructor.

Mr. Shadis didn't seem to know how to take a compliment. "I know how hard it can be to do these experiments by yourself, which is why they're partnered exercises. But then again you can't always expect students to follow your teaching plans. "

"Mr. Shadis, can't you just tell Mikasa she has to partner with me?"

Mr. Shadis looked grim as ever. "I can't make any student interact with people if they request not to. Besides," he said, completely seriously, "I don't want to get on her bad side. I heard she killed a man, just to watch him die."

Sasha almost spilled three grams of potassium nitrate all over herself.

"Careful, Ms. Blouse. I'd rather you not get into the habit of spilling chemicals all over the place. That's how Batman villains happen." 

Sasha regained composire. "Yes sir." 

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Uuuuuugggh," said Sasha as she rubbed her face on the cafeteria table. She had finished her chemistry lab with just enough time to get to the lunch room to gripe to Connie about her predicament.

 Connie chewed his food. "What is it?"

"I'm gonna fail chemistry because stupid Mikasa won't partner with meeeee,"

"Dude, she doesn't like you. Just ask someone else for help."

"So," mumbled Sasha, not listening, "I just need to get Mikasa to be friends with me so she'll agree to be my lab partner so I won't fail, but she doesn't talk to me or anything! The only way I can get her to open up is if I present opportunities for her to bully me."

"That sounds a little out of character for Mikasa."

"Everyone says that! She gets away with everything because the teachers don't think she's the kind of student who would steal my food or draw on my face."

Connie laughed at that.

Sometime during their lunch Connie mentioned that, if Sasha wanted to know more about Mikasa, she should try asking Annie or Reiner. They were on the Rugby team with the rest of them, but were in their own clique, so they couldn't, like, sit together at lunch or anything.

However, no one told Sasha that last part until after she sat down with Annie, Reiner, and Bertholt the next day. At first the three of them gave her disbelieving stares and in the distance Connie facepalmed. He later explained that the normal way to mingle outside your clique was outside the halls, and that lunch groups were sacred.

But then the three of them opened up. Annie was the third aloof, brooding girl Sasha had met at this school, after Mikasa and Ymir. But while Mikasa seem indifferent and Ymir condescending, Annie seemed nihilistic. She also always wore a hoodie, even in P.E., which it turned out she had with Sasha. Reiner and Bertholt had the same P.E. Section too, and Sasha wondered if perhaps there was only one P.E. section which everyone was in.

"You want to know about Mikasa?" she intoned. "I could help you. Or you could deign otherwise. It won't make you understand her in a way that will satisfy you. It wont make her understand you in a way that will satisfy you."

Sasha laughed. Annie was so funny. Annie smiled back, so either she really was trying to evoke humor or was too nihilistic to care what Sasha thought.

Annie looked off into the distance. She had perpetual bags under her eyes, a trait she shared with Mr. Shadis and Krista. Sasha wondered why that was, because so far in biology she'd learned that physical traits were often the result of some shared ancestral genepool, and Krista, Annie, and Mr. Shadis had almost no other physical traits in common. Or maybe it was just that none of them got any sleep.

Annie was also very short, especially compared to her friends Reiner and Bertholdt. Bertholdt was probably the tallest guy at school but somehow had very little presence, and Reiner was the ridiculously built boy with the blond hair. Sasha figured out who was who after a few awkward mistakes.

"Mikasa's kind of an enigma," said Reiner, "Which is kind of weird, because Armin's a total sweetheart and Eren's a total rabblerouser, and both of them will talk your ear off about their lives."

"Armin is indeed a total sweetheart," Annie said absently at the wall. "But I'd have to say I think Eren's much cooler. He's not the best at anything, but he tries with all his heart to carve out a legacy in this uncaring world. It's adorable."

Sasha decided that she'd have to herd this conversation if she wanted any answers. "So people said you two might know something about Mikasa. Why would they say that?"

"Mikasa's valedictorian. Reiner's salutatorian," said Bertholt.

"But really Armin should be valedictorian. It's just because the school rates athletic ability in with your GPA."

"Yeah, that really inflates Mikasa's standing."

Sasha stopped chewing for a second, worried about her GPA, but then remembered her race with Mikasa and decided she had nothing to worry about, if she could keep up with her.

"So do you study together?"

"In a way. Principal Pixis sometimes has the top two students do presentations and such for parents or other schools. The last time was this science trivia thing for the school district. We took first place _and_ were the buffest people there, but that wasn't hard. The whole competition was a nerdfest."

"So you got to know Mikasa during those things?"

"Not really. She talked about Eren, mostly."

Sasha frowned. She'd try a different angle. "How about you, Annie?"

"In the last school-sponsored open MMA fighing competition, Mikasa took second place," Annie began. "I took first." She smiled softly at the ground and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Sasha wondered if Annie wasn't as nihilistic as she seemed. "Another hollow accomplishment to keep me company until the onslaught of time renders both me and the trophy irrelevant." Sasha re-evaluated her theory.

"Yeah, and Mikasa seemed actually upset about it," said Bertholdt.

"I think she was more upset about Eren asking me to coach him in kickboxing afterwards." Annie smiled again. "I agreed, and Mikasa has been sending me death glares ever since. Sweet reminders of the inevitable embrace of oblivion."

"Annie, Berthold and I are usually at the local gym in our free time, and Eren meets Annie there to practice. Mikasa and Armin usually follow him, " said Reiner.

 "If you're in a school sport, gym membership's free," explained Bertholdt.

 "Which may be the only reason Armin's on the rugby team."

"Hey, Armin's a good strategist. Good with teamwork. Came up with some of our best plays."

"True, true, but the rest of us would be the ones to implement it."

"Except Mikasa. I don't think she fully understands the whole concept of a 'team' and the work it requires..."

That was the template for the rest of the conversation: Annie and Reiner would discuss the various personality traits of Eren and Armin respectively, and occasionally mention something cryptic and ultiamately unhelpful about Mikasa. Sasha tried to speak up for Mikasa, but that was kind of hard since she didn't know anything about her. So all Sasha learned was who had a crush on who, but she made a few new friends, so it was worth it.

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

So Sasha decided to quit beating around the bush and just talk to Mikasa directly. Mikasa hated her the first hour and a half they knew each other but by the eighth, she was stealing her food, so if she extrapolated she could find the time it would take for them to be friends...

Well, she'd have to be better at math to be able to do that. But the idea was sound, probably, so Sasha made up her mind to just join Mikasa for lunch one day.

Mikasa and Co. were at a four person table, with Mikasa besides the empty seat. Eren and Armin were in the middle of a conversation, which Mikasa seemed to be a part of though she wasn't speaking very often. Sasha placed her tray down next to Mikasa and slid into place.

Sasha realized the entire cafeteria went silent and everyone was staring at her. Annie and Bertholdt had frozen, food falling out of Reiner's open mouth. Krista and Ymir were repeatedly blinking from where they leaned against a wall. Connie seemed frozen, but gave a thumbs up when Sasha glanced over to him.

"You can't sit there," stated Mikasa.

"Sure I can! We're lab partners."

"We're not lab partners."

Eren spoke up. "C'mon Mikasa, you always scare away everybody, so even if it is during lunch..."

Sasha was about to ask what was so scary about Mikasa when the scarf girl said "Fine. But I'll take this."

"Take wha-" and Sasha's cookie dissipated from her tray. "Mi~ka~sa!" 

It had become a little routine by now; Mikasa stealing Sasha's food, Sasha grabbing and shaking MIkasa while saying her name while the latter smirked just barely. Of course, Mikasa would never admit to enjoying it, but that smirk told Sasha otherwise. 

Mikasa finished Sasha's cookie and Sasha started morphing down the rest of her lunch dejectedly. Some of it kept disappearing, though.

Armin was the first to say something. She dressed a little strangely for a girl, Sasha thought, and her voice was a little squeaky, but she was pretty nonetheless. No wonder Reiner liked her. 

Eren seemed a little unkempt, but after a while Sasha thought she could comprehend what Annie saw in him. At one point during lunch some ketchup spilled on his cheek and Mikasa matter-of-factly tried to wipe it off for him, but he resisted and said something about that being the reason he was on the other side of the table.

"S-so! You're Sasha right?" stuttered Armin. 

"Yeah, the Potato Girl?" said Eren. His expression and tone of voice were laced with awe. 

"It's not that impressive..." mumbled Mikasa.

"No it totally is! You've got guts standing up to Shadis!"

Sasha considered telling them that she was just hungry that time, but decided she liked the admiration.

"So it's not very often that we meet one of Mikasa's friends.

"She's not my friend," grumbled Mikasa.

"Yeah," sighed Sasha, "We're just lab partners."

"We're not lab partners either," said Mikasa.

"Alright, so we sit next to each other and sometimes I copy off her work."

"That's about right," said Mikasa. She smiled slightly when she thought Sasha wasn't looking.

 Sasha took a breath. This was it, the moment of truth. No doubt she'd look back on this moment as the point where she started passing Chemistry.

"But Mikasa," said Sasha as she sidled up to quiet girl. She put an arm around Mikasa's shoulders, "We could be so much more than that." 

Mikasa's face took on a red tint and her mouth wobbled slightly.

With her free arm Sasha waved an imaginary panorama in the air. "We could be lab partners! Think of it; I could fetch and measure all the chemicals so you don't have to. And- and I can write your name on the worksheets for you! Just imagine A+'s. A+'s everywhere."

With her thumb and her forefinger Mikasa pulled Sasha's hand off her shoulder. "I already get A+'s in that class. You have nothing to offer me."

"Alright. So how about I help you with English in exchange? You didn't do so well on the last quiz."

"That. Was. A. Fluke." said Mikasa through gritted teeth. "I thought the poem was about the dog," she mumbled.

"Nah, the dog was the metaphor for the soldier's dissociation from reality as a result of his experience in war, and the poodle's fate mirrors the soldier's and seems to suggest it was self-inflicted. Bam! 105% on weekly quizzes, which could be yours for just the low, low price of writing my name next to yours on AP chem labs!"

Mikasa cogitated long enough for Sasha to get hopeful. Which was probably a calculated piece of sadism on her part, because Sasha felt her happiness shatter after Mikasa looked her in the eyes and told her no. Mikasa mumbled something about anybody being able to make stuff up about poetry.

Armin pointed out that Ms. Lagner's quizzes were individual, so Sasha'd have to actually teach Mikasa literary analysis.

Sasha mumbled that of course that's what she meant and decided to just eat the rest of her lunch and see if any other opportunity would come up to pester Mikasa about the whole lab partner thing. But when Sasha looked down she realized her entire tray was empty.

"MI~ka~sa!" 

 

 

 


	6. The Wager

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha and Mikasa have different tastes in books. Mikasa agrees to be Sasha's lab partner, but only for one time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of these characters. Hajime Isayama does. 
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of romance, chemical reactions, books, or high school social life. 
> 
> Character views may not necessarily reflect that of the authors.
> 
> Mikasa likes the _Mortal Instruments_ series because of its central romance.

Mikasa was always reading books. Perhaps she was just bored with class, but since Sasha's best subject was literacy she figured they could bond over that and eventually become lab partners.

That was, until Sasha found out what kind of books Mikasa read. Young adult novels, mostly, and not the good kind. Not the kinds that won awards for originality, but the one's that knocked off the ones that won awards. Like, after _The Giver_ was a gigantic hit suddenly everyone wanted to write their own dystopian coming-of-age stories. And most of them just used thinly veiled exaggerations of high school cliques. Like, what was with everyone's obsession with high school cliques?

“So whatcha reading, Mikasa?” asked Sasha one day in Chemistry.

Mikasa mumbled something. Sasha decided that it would be easier just to read the cover of the book rather than try to wriggle an answer out of the dark-haired girl.

“ _City of Fallen Angels,_ book four of the _Mortal_ _Instruments_  series.” Sasha narrowed her eyes and stared at Mikasa's face. She had intended to just jokingly judge her for her book but oops, now she was for real. “Why would you do that to yourself?”

Mikasa looked away and sunk into her scarf.

“What are _you_ reading?” she replied lamely.

Sasha smiled and held up her book. “ _The Road Back_ by Erich Remarque.”

“That name sounds familiar."

“It should. He wrote the book we just read in English. I already read it, so I'm reading the sequel.”

Mikasa pantomimed a gag. “Good for you,” she said sarcastically.

“Speaking of English,” Sasha recited. This was part of the reason she had read her book in the first place, “You know, if you read better quality books maybe you wouldn't need my help in English.”

“I don't and never will need _any_ help in Honors English,” stated Mikasa.

“You could always do better, Mikasa,”

Mikasa slammed her book shut.

“As if _you_ could help me. Even if my grades were bad. Which they're not.” said Mikasa. Sasha was about to speak but Mikasa put up her hand. “I'm getting tired of you accosting my about my English performance. I'm doing better than you in that class anyway.”

“Oh really?” said Sasha.

“Yes.” Mikasa cogitated. “When we get our tests back today,” she said deliberately, “if I did better than you, then you can't ever bother me about anything related to English class again.”

“Cool. And if _I_ did better,” Sasha sidled up to Mikasa. Mikasa shifted uncomfortably and broke eye contact. “You have to be my lab partner in Chemistry.”

Mikasa paled a little and didn't say anything.

“You can always back out if you're not confident.”

“No way. It's a deal,” said Mikasa.

And then Shadis told them to get back to work. Mikasa begrudgingly went back to reading her novel while Sasha, who wasn't as far along as she could be, tried to discretely copy Mikasa's answers.

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Because she knew that students loved to talk about what scores they got, Ms. Langnar preferred to pass back tests five minutes before at the end of class, so students could compare scores or ask her questions if need be.

“So I have exciting news,” said Ms. Langnar as she passed back the tests face down, “The average on that last test was way up! We even got two 100's.”

When Armin got her test back, she said, “Wow Mikasa, you were right! All that studying paid off.”

Armin passed her paper around. At the top was a green '100'.

“We both got perfect scores!”

Mikasa didn't say anything but smiled smugly. She tried to make eye contact with Sasha but Sasha decided to be the coy one for once. She finished chatting with Connie and Jean and then got up and walked over to Mikasa and Armin's table.

Sasha didn't say anything; she just smiled and held out her test.

“What.” stated Mikasa flatly, as she couldn't find any other way to react. Her face paled and her limbs went slack. “105%?” she said weakly.

The adjacent students mouthed some awed profanities.

“Yeah, guess I got extra credit on the essay.” said Sasha with feigned modesty.

Mikasa swiped Sasha's test and marched up to the teacher. Sasha followed her. “Hey, you always complain when I do that to you,” she whined.

“Teacher, why does this test have more than 100%? You can't do that. You are either right or you're wrong. You can't be more right than completely right."

“Mikasa,” said Ms. Langnar in a life-coach voice, “Life isn't binary. Sometimes grades aren't either. I gave Sasha extra credit on her essay because I believe it reflected more than the expected understanding of the texts.”

Sasha swiped her test back and flashed her biggest smile. Mikasa looked like she had just been slapped in the face, which Sasha guiltily relished.

Then the bell rang, and Mikasa stormed out the door, idly grabbing Armin by the elbow as she did. Armin protested weakly but Mikasa didn't so much as lean as she dragged the blonde.

Sasha had to grab her stuff from the other side of class, and when she got into the hallways Mikasa was gone. Sasha frowned. But she'd be able to talk to her in Biology, so no biggie.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

At lunch, something strange happened. Armin walked over to where Sasha sat with Connie and her other English buddies. In the past few days Krista had given vaguely apocalyptic lamentations about the destruction of rigidly stratified cliques with Sasha as the cause and epicenter, and would later used this incident as further proof of her theory.

“Hey, uh,” said Armin to Sasha.

Jean spittaked when he saw that Armin was at the head of their table. He awkwardly stuffed some food in his mouth as he blushed. Marco, Mina and Thomas were busy laughing at him a but Connie seemed to be focused on Sasha as she flashed her biggest smile and turned to Armin.

“Hey Armin!" said Sasha, "You look cute today!” Sasha meant it. Armin really made the boyish look work.

“Uh, thanks, “Armin blushed. She idly twirled a bit of her hair. “So I came over to talk to you about something embarrassing...”

Sasha tilted her head.

“It's about Mikasa...” continued Armin.

Sasha didn't trust herself to think. She only nodded, as if to say _yeah, and?_

Armin stuck her hands together in front of her and bowed adorably. “She _really_ doesn't want to lab partner with you. I'm so sorry.”

Sasha almost spit out her food. That was not what she was hoping to hear. “What? But we had a deal!”

“Yeah, but, she says she doesn't want her grade to be brought down by someone unreliable. Well, 'unreliable' wasn't the word she used...."

"I'm not unreliable!"

“Well, uh, what's your grade in that class? Mikasa says it's kind of low...”

“Hold on a second,” said Sasha. She took a huge mouthful of creamed corn and chicken masala and held up a finger as she chewed, meaning for Armin to wait. Jean tried to strike up a conversation with Armin but, Sasha noticed, it seemed that he was really bad at talking to girls. It gave Connie, Marco, Mina and Thomas some additional stuff to laugh at, though, so all was well.

“But we had a deal,” said Sasha, “So that means that, if Mikasa backs out of this, no one can ever trust her word again.”

“Well, um, she said she might be willing to do something else for you instead to make it up to you.”

Sasha almost spit out her food again, but for a different reason. “She said what? She actually said that about me?”

Armin twiddled her thumbs together nervously. “I was shocked too,”

“Well, tell her that I'm willing to let her only be my lab partner for one experiment OR,” said Sasha. She took another giant mouthful of food as she tried to think of an alternative choice. She could make it something unsavory so that Mikasa would take the lab partner gig. Sasha briefly considered suggested that Mikasa could be her personal slave for a week, like they used to do to freshman at her old school, but that would probably just drive Mikasa further from being her friend, which was the opposite of what she wanted.

Wait, that was it. That was the solution. So simple.

“Or Mikasa can agree to be my friend," said Sasha triumphantly.

Armin smiled weakly. “You're really determined to be friends with her, huh?”

“Well, that's just because if we're friends then it should be easier to transition to lab partners,” lied Sasha.

“Well, for what it's worth, I'm rooting for you,” said Armin. She turned away and went back to the table where Mikasa and Eren sat.

“So that was strange,” said Connie. “Mikasa must really dislike you.”

“Yeah, and I wish she'd come over to talk to me herself, but Armin seems like a good girl."

Connie guffawed on his chicken and looked to the others. They seemed to still be preoccupied. He turned back to Sasha. “What did you say about Armin?” he said.

“She's a sweet girl. That seems to be the consensus with people who know her, right? And I agree. It's good that Mikasa has such a nice friend.”

Connie's face contorted into some sort of unfinished laugh.

“What's so funny?” said Sasha through a mouthful of food.

“Nothing! Just thought of a funny prank. I'll tell you someday.”

Before Sasha could ask for clarification, Armin returned. “Mikasa says she'll be your lab partner," said the blonde.

“Haha, YES!” said Sasha. She waved at the corner where Mikasa was sitting. Mikasa made eye contact with Sasha for just a second before turning away, sinking into her scarf. 

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

So the next time they had a chemistry lab, Mikasa refused to make eye contact or say anything and constantly had this weird expression where she was smushing her mouth into a flat line. But she put Sasha's name under her's on the write-up in very small but perfect handwriting. Mr. Shadis looked like he was about to say something when he saw them working together but didn't. Krista and Ymir gave Sasha a thumbs up and then failed at acting nonchalant when Mikasa sent them a glare.

Mikasa seemed to try to just do the entire lab herself. She didn't share the intro questions and got all the chemicals herself. Sasha frowned. This wasn't really what she wanted. She sighed, and refreshed her resolve. 

Mikasa checked her paper and scrunched her face. 

"Silver Nitrate?" asked Sasha. She held out a vial with some white powder inside it.

MIkasa's brows furrowed. "I need 5.3 grams of it."

"I know, I read the sheet. This is it."

"Oh." said Mikasa lamely. "Good." She took the vile and turned away and poured it into a solution of potassium chloride.

"Thanks, I guess," Mikasa mumbled.

Sasha smiled and put a hand on Mikasa's shoulder. "See? this isn't so bad, huh?" she said.

Mikasa turned away but a hint of a smile escaped her lips. "I guess not," she said. "And don't touch me."

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

While Mikasa usually finished in half the allocate time, together they finished in about 2/5th. Most of it was preparation time, which was unnecessary since MIkasa knew what she was doing. They packed up their lab station, and then Mikasa packed her bags and made to leave.

"Where are you going?" asked Sasha.

"Library."

"Ok, I'll come with you! I'm done with my book anyway."

Shadis spoke up then. "You'll do no such thing, Ms. Blouse. I am responsible for you and you will stay here where I can keep an eye on you."

"What? But you're letting Mikasa go."

"Mikasa is an immaculate student. I trust her to be responsible."

"So what is she agrees to oversee me?"

"I'll do no such thing," stated Mikasa.

"But Mi~ka~sa!"

Mikasa actually looked apologetic for a second before her face slackened into neutrality. Sasha slumped in defeat.

Mikasa didn't say anything as she left the room, but right before the door closed Sasha saw her stick her tongue out at her, which made Sasha do a double take. No one else seemed to see it and no one would believe it, so she'd have to keep it to herself. 

Sasha pouted and went back to her seat where she pulled out her book. She had finished it a long time ago and had hoped to be able to show it to MIkasa. Maybe get her into a better quality of books. But today was totally a success. Mikasa thanked her and she admitted that hanging out 'wasn't so bad'. Sasha'd have to hold that over her head the next time Mikasa complained about her. 

Oh well, Connie'd probably like this book too. She could show it to him in English. Sasha turned to the first page and re-read it for the umpteenth time.

_Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun...._

 


	7. Love Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the plot advances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. Hajime Isayama does. 
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of depictions of romance, teenagers, literary taste, or parenting.

 

 

“Stupid Mikasa,” mumbled Sasha. She checked the time on her phone and promptly slackened her pace. There was no way she'd make the bus home at this point. She'd have to take the city bus at 3:30 to get home. She'd ridden it once before and it hadn't been so bad, but she'd have to pay the fare because she didn't have a bus pass because she'd counted on using the school buses. Which she'd counted on being able to make because she'd counted on her classmates not switching her chemistry book with a copy of _Atlas Shrugged_ when she wasn't looking.

Sasha stopped in front of a school vending machine. Well, if she was going to spend money today anyway, she might as well, uh, spend more money. Her brain realized that train of logic didn't make sense, but since it was offered by her stomach Sasha was inclined to listen to it. She bought two packages of sweet bread and a bag of chips and stuffed them in her packet. She couldn't let Mr. Shadis see them.

Sasha opened the door to the chemistry classroom. After her first day she couldn't help but read the 'Absolutely no food' sign every time she went in. Mr. Shadis was grading papers in his room. He didn't appear to notice Sasha walk in.

“So I think I, _uh_ , misplaced my chemistry book here.” said Sasha.

Shadis looked up from his papers with a rather judgmental look. “You again?”

Sasha nodded nervously. “I think I left my textbook here.”

Shadis sighed. “Well, go ahead and look for it. And don't forget there's a quiz tomorrow.”

Her book was right under her desk. In retrospect she couldn't believe she missed it.

If absolutely pressed, Sasha supposed that, since she had chemistry the very first period of the day, she had all day to realized that her books had been switched. Her chemistry book was actually a lot lighter than its replacement, so it really should have been a harmless prank since she should figured it out before the end of school.

What she really wanted to know was why Mikasa had a copy of _Atlas Shrugged._ She knew Mikasa's taste in book was bad, but not _Atlas Shrugged_ bad. Or maybe this was all just a ploy to get Sasha to say something nice about the young adult paranormal romance genre. Like, she'd be all 'haha, so my books aren't so bad, huh?'. As if. Sasha planned out that conversation as she walked through the halls.

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha stepped back into the halls. By now, everyone would have gone home or be nestled into their club rooms or, more likely, in the gyms or out on the fields playing their sports.

Even if she walked there immediately, there'd still be some time before the bus arrived. Sasha could check out a club, perhaps. That sounded like work though. She could start on her homework, but that also sounded like work.

But then Sasha heard something that made her freeze.

“Armin you traitor!” sounded Mikasa's voice from somewhere in the halls. Her regular monotone was tinted with rage and sorrow, but it was unmistakably Mikasa's voice.

Sasha stopped chewing and hugged the walls as she crept closer to the sound. She probably shouldn't eavesdrop, but, c'mon, she couldn't pass up this opportunity.

A soft, dulcet voice came from down the halls this time, and Sasha could pinpoint where exactly the two were arguing. Sasha crept closer. It was easy to move slowly but she had difficulty resisting the urge to take a noisy bite of her snack.

“How could you do this to me? I thought you were my friend!” spat Mikasa.

“You're overreacting, Mikasa. Of course I'm your friend! It's just-"

“Then why would you steal him from me? I called dibs like ten years ago!”

“I didn't- it-it just happened-”

“I know Eren and I are meant to be together? Can't you see that?”

Their voices suddenly lowered. There were some mumbled arguments that Sasha couldn't hear. Sasha considered trying to move closer.

“Fine!” yelled Mikasa suddenly, “I'll ask him!”

Mikasa stormed passed Sasha's hiding spot in a blur. Sasha's heart jumped into her throat as she did, but after a second it seemed that she didn't notice Sasha at all between the vending machines. Armin didn't either when she crept along later.

“Mikasa, is this about-” said Eren's voice.

“How could you, Eren?” sobbed Mikasa. Sasha didn't think she could imagine Mikasa sobbing, but there it was, “We were meant to be together!”

“You're my sister! That's weird.”

“Adopted sister! We're not biologically related!”

“That doesn't make it-”

“Ever since the day we met- you remember that? You saved me. You became my world, Eren.” Mikasa's voice became a pained whisper.

“Mikasa,” said Eren. His voiced too was pained.

“Do you see this Eren? This was a promise, that'd you always be there for me. That you'd always love me.”

“No, Mikasa -”

“I love you Eren!” shouted Mikasa. “With all my soul. With every fiber of my being.”

“Mikasa,” said Eren, “sis, I can't return your feelings.

“Yes you can! Just-”

“Mikasa!” Eren sounded angry this time. “Stop it! You can't- you can't just do this-”

“But-”

“I don't like you when you're like this!”

“I've done everything for you! I've devoted my life to be with you!”

“Ugh, I hate that! Do you know how humiliating it is that every sport I join, every class I take, you follow me and completely show me up? I can't do anything without you getting in the way!”

“You don't need to!” Mikasa's voiced became desperate. “You have your big sis here for you, for everything. “

“Mika-”

There was a sound that was obviously smooching, and a sound that was obviously struggling.

“There,” breathed Mikasa, “How do you feel-”

SMACK.

“Get away from me, Mikasa,” said Eren. His voice was flat with barely contained rage. Sasha shuddered.

“But-”

“I never want to see you again.”

There was a silence. Sasha thought she could hear not just her own heartbeat but Eren's and Mikasa's as well.

“Okay,” said Mikasa. Her voice cracked.

There was the sound of gathering belongings. Eren walked into Sasha's view. He saw Sasha from her hiding place, and held her gaze for a second, before turning away without comment.

After Sasha's heartrate calmed down, she ventured a look into the hallway and found Mikasa slumped against the walls. Her face was neutral, but a little more dejected. Her eyes were wider and unfocused and her jaw more slack than usual, more so than when she had realized she got a worse English score than Sasha. More so than ever in her life, perhaps.

Mikasa flinched when Sasha sat down next to her but relaxed after Sasha didn't say anything or make any sudden moves. Sasha didn't do anything but sit next to the black haired girl, occasionally glancing towards her.

Mikasa stared off into the distance. Her expression was that of one who was completely lost. Her eyes were passive; Sasha would have thought they'd be teary or something but apparently not. Mikasa's mouth was a little open, though, and her breathing sounded labored.

Sasha unwrapped one of her pieces of bread. Mikasa reacted to the crinkling of the wrapper, and stared at Sasha when the latter offered it to her. Mikasa didn't move, and Sasha shrugged and took a bite. Mikasa turned back to the distance to stare into it.

Sasha was halfway through her bread when she realized it wasn't there anymore. Mikasa had stolen it and was chewing on it.

Sasha smiled and weakly punched Mikasa's shoulder. Mikasa's mouth briefly twitched into a smirk.

Sasha just pulled out her other package of bread and turned to Mikasa.

“So do you want to talk abou- mmmmrrph” began Sasha.

Mikasa had grabbed the back of Sasha's head and stuffed the bread that Sasha had given her into her mouth.

Sasha closed her eyes. Her heart rate increased and she had trouble hearing. She moaned involuntarily. The bread tasted different- maybe because of the way it was being fed to her, or maybe because Mikasa's saliva was still on it. Mikasa's hand felt hot against the back of her head. It was hard to breath around the food being forced in her mouth.

Suddenly, the pressure disappeared. So did Mikasa, Sasha found out after she lazily finished chewing the remaining food in her mouth and opened her eyes. She panted heavily and her face felt hot and she processed what just happened with much embarrassment.

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha got home late, but still before her dad got home from work. She was able to do a little bit of her homework. Mostly the reading, because she'd have to devote several hours of solid studying for Chemistry.

At dinner time Sasha ventured up to the dining room to find her father reading the paper and idly eating their minimalist dinner for the day. They did their daily ritual of summarizing their days and what they had for lunch and any books they read recently.

After the pleasantries, though, Sasha's father spoke. “So do you know an athletic-looking girl with blue eyes and neck-length black hair? Vaguely Asian features?” he said.

Sounded familiar. “Was she wearing a scarf? A red one?”

Father nodded. “Yeah.”

Sasha nodded sagely. “Yeah, that's Mikasa, the girl I've been telling you about. Why?”

“Because she's currently lurking in the nearby foliage."

Sasha stopped chewing. “Really,” she enunciated. She had him show her.

Her father led her to the front porch. They pretended to look at the house on the other side of the road but years of hunting taught had trained Sasha to see out of her peripheral vision.

Down the street, Mikasa poked her head out of a bush with a rustle of leaves before retreating back into it. Sasha suppressed a giggle.

“I wonder what she's doing here,” said Sasha. “Has she been here before?”

“No,” said her father, “Though I don't usually look outside after 8:00, so maybe she watches you sleep.”

Sasha playfully shoved her dad. “Ugh, _no,_ I've had enough of _Twilight_. Actually, Mikasa probably likes _Twilight_ , with her taste in books.”

“Harsh. What'd she do to deserve that?”

“You know what she did! I complain about her all the time!”

“Hahaha, I know. I'm just messing with you, kiddo.” He ruffled Sasha's hair.

“Well, anyway, I'm gonna wave at her. Try to provoke a response.”

So she did. Sasha turned and waved at Mikasa's bush, smiling as she did. The bush rustled, probably from Mikasa falling out of it. Sasha and her father laughed, and they went back into their house.

After a moment, the doorbell rang. Sasha skipped over to it and opened the door slowly. Mikasa nervously shifted from foot to foot. She was wearing the same outfit she had worn to school. She had her school bag and a grocery bag.

“He~ey Mikasa,” said Sasha. “What's up?”

Mikasa opened her mouth but nothing came out.

Sasha giggled and shot Mikasa a bemused look.

Mikasa blushed and looked away. She held out her grocery bag. “These are for you.”

It was a sack of potatos. Sasha's amused look vanished. “Oh my god I ate a potato in class ONE. TIME. ONE TIME PEOPLE.”

To Sasha's surprise, Mikasa looked genuinely hurt. “I thought you liked potatoes....” she mumbled

Sasha softened.“Well maybe I do. Did you have any reason to believe that was my favorite food? Didn't you want to get to know me better before you gave me a gift?"

Mikasa stared at her blank faced. “No. Why would I want to do that?” she stated.

Sasha pouted. “So mean!”

Mikasa glanced at the ground. She looked like she was about to apologize but never did.

Sasha scrunched her face. “Well, thanks for the food,” she said. “See ya tomorrow!”

Sasha made to close the door but Mikasa jammed her foot in it. “Wait,” she said.

Sasha waited for Mikasa to find her words. Eventually Mikasa did. “Can I come in?”

“Ummm,” Sasha leaned back into her house. Neither she nor her father had had any guests over since they moved in three weeks ago, and neither of them anticipated having any guests over. Sasha hadn't even considered the idea that Mikasa would come over to her house. She would have liked that eventually, but, at the rate she was going she figured it was going to take another two months or so.

Her living room still had some unpacked boxes. There was the couch and the TV, but they were using a box as a coffee table and they had just set up the dvd player last week.

Sasha leaned out. “I guess, if you don't mind the mess....”

Sasha let Mikasa in and tried to think of an explanation for why her living room was still unpacked. Dang. Why did procrastination always come back to bite her? Mikasa was totally gonna judge her.

But Mikasa just stood there in the foyer. She eyed the visible space awkwardly and then looked at Sasha.

“So, uh,” said Sasha with a backward glance. “I guess we're having dinner?”

Sasha peaked into the dining room, where on the table were two loaves of bread and a container of canned meat, halfway opened with two spoons stuck into it.

“I-I mean,” said Sasha, grabbing Mikasa before she could get into the dining room. “I was just about to make dinner. Yeah. If you want to sit tight for a bit, in the dining room. I'm super good at cooking.”

Sasha ran into the dining room. Her father looked up from his newspaper as Sasha leaned into whisper range of her father's ear. “Hide the ghetto food, and then stall her. I'll cook up something.”

Sasha jumped into the pantry. There wasn't much, to Sasha's dismay. Mostly stockpiles; some canned fruit, dried fruit, flour sealed in airtight containers. Yogurt in the pantry's fridge. That stuff kept forever.

There was a stockpile of emergency pork rations. They were irradiated, to kill all bacteria inside the packaging, so they would last almost literally forever. They were originally intended for spaceflights but since that didn't pan out the relevant organization sold them on the open market. They were marketed towards doomsday preppers and people who lived in disaster zones.

Well, this was an emergency, so Sasha opened a package of space-pork. She could stir-fry the pork with some canned pineapples and green beans, and make some sweet and sour sauce from their vinegar and sugar. She could make rice in a pot too, but that required more precise timing than if she'd use a rice cooker. Probably not enough time to look for it right now.

Sasha turned back to the dining room. Certain parts of the kitchen gave a view of the dining room, but since Sasha was cooking she wasn't always in line of sight of her guest.

“So, what brings you over?” asked Sasha's father.

“Yeah,” said Sasha from the kitchen. “I never thought you'd visit. I didn't even think you knew where I lived.”

Sasha stuck her head into the dining room. “N-not that you're not welcome!” she blurted, “You totally are, but I wish you would have told me. And it's kind of weird to come over to someone's house when they aren't even your friend.”

Mikasa paled a bit. “What are you talking about, Sasha? We are the best of friends,” she lilted.

“Oh? So why don't you want to help me with AP chemistry labs?”

Sasha saw Mikasa shift uncomfortably and felt a hard to describe feeling of satisfaction.

“You should do your own work, so you can learn more, Sasha,” she said.

“She's got a point,” said Sasha's father. Sasha stuck her tongue out at him jokingly.

“So you're just looking out for me, huh?” said Sasha.

Mikasa said nothing for a while. Sasha had to attend to the dinner before Mikasa spoke again.

“So enough about the nature of my relationship with your daughter,” lilted Mikasa, “What is it you do for a living, Mr. Blouse?”

“I'm a small business owner, actually. Bought a corner convenience store. Literally across the street, actually. We usually hang out there on weekends.”

“So what made you move so suddenly?” Mikasa refrained from mentioning all the unpacked boxes. “It's not often we get transfer students in the middle of the year.”

Sasha froze. Her dad did as well, but he recovered in stride. He scratched the back of his head. “Well, sometimes you just need a change of pace, y'know?"

Sasha didn't think Mikasa would buy that. Especially since one of the only things they'd unpacked was a family photo. It sat next to the TV even, so Mikasa definitely saw it.

“Ok,” said Mikasa. There was a silence save for Sasha's sigh of relief and the subsequent sounds of her cooking.

“So what is for dinner?” asked Mikasa. That was able to sustain a conversation until dinner was ready.

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha took out several coasters and put the pots containing the pineapple pork, rice, and garlic stuffed potatoes on the dining room table. Her dad had entertained Mikasa without incident; moreso even, as Sasha found out some new stuff about her guest. Mikasa had missed a year when she was really young so was actually 19 years old where Sasha and the other juniors would be 18. Mikasa seemed reluctant to talk about Eren but seemed to default to him when the awkward silence loomed. Sasha learned a lot of random Eren stories.

Back in the pantry, Sasha unpacked the actual plates and silverware and set her spot down across from her father, on the other side of Mikasa. She served four servings onto three plates (the double was for her). Mikasa looked between the two of them as the residents shoveled food into their mouths.

“Oh!” said Sasha through her food, “I don't know if you say grace or anything....”

Mikasa shook her head and forked a morsel of food into her mouth. Sasha vowed to forever remember her expression of surprised ecstasy after her first bite.

“You like it?” enunciated Sasha through a mouthful of food.

Mikasa nodded slightly and started eating faster, but with no less etiquette, and she stared at her food the whole time.

Sasha and her father would sometimes talk when they ate, but mostly they were focused on eating. They ate fast too, so they only exchanged pleasantries about their days once. Mikasa seemed horrified when they did, through, which Sasha would later realize was because both of them had a habit of talking with their mouths full.

Sasha and her father finished soon enough. Sasha's father brought his plate into the kitchen and later adjourned to the living room with a book, leaving the two girls alone in the dining room.

“Mikasa you're so slow,” enunciated Sasha as she sorted her plates.

“No, I'm normal. You guys are barbarians.”

Sasha swallowed her last mouthful. “That's a little rude, Mikasa,” she teased.

Mikasa blushed and sunk into her shoulder. “Sorry,” she mumbled.

“Omigosh! Mikasa you actually apologized!” Sasha got up and made to glomp Mikasa, but Mikasa, without looking, held her hand out to grab Sasha's face. Sasha struggled for a moment before slackening. She put her hands up in surrender and Mikasa released her. Sasha almost said something to follow up but Mikasa shot her a glare that made Sasha change her mind.

After washing off her plates Sasha put them on top of her father's. Three damp plates and sets of silverware sat on a towel next to the sink. Maybe one day they'd get a dishwasher, but for now hand washing wasn't that big a deal.

Sasha walked back to her seat at the dinner table, put her hands in her lap and smiled and stared at Mikasa's mouth as she ate. Mikasa blushed and swallowed her food.

“W-what are you doing, Sasha?”

“I'm waiting for you to finish.”

“Must you?”

“Yes.” Sasha chuckled.

Mikasa paused for a moment, letting her face return to normal, but then accelerated her eating. It was still incredibly polite: she'd only fork small pieces of food into her mouth, but she chewed them a lot faster than before.

After about 15 seconds she gulped the last of her food and suddenly held her plate out to Sasha without looking at her.

Sasha was pure admiration. Her eyes were wide and possibly sparkled, fists were pressed in front of her chest and she had on her biggest smile. “Mikasa you never told me you could eat that fast!” she said.

Mikasa opened her mouth and then coughed, violently.

“Well, still. A+ for effort,” she said, patting Mikasa's back.

“It's not a big deal. It's a dumb thing to be proud of anyway.”

Sasha frowned and stopped mid-pat. Mikasa turned to her but Sasha got up and took Mikasa's empty plate to the sink.

Just as Sasha was finishing up Mikasa wandered into the kitchen.

“So, uh,” began Mikasa.

Sasha was still upset, so before Mikasa could finish Sasha grabbed her shoulders and pushed her through the relevant rooms all the way to the door with a great amount of difficulty. “Well, it was great to have you over, Mikasa. Really. Like, more than life,” she said, “But I'll see you tomorrow! And every weekday after that. In every class. So all day.”

“Actually. Um.” said Mikasa. She leaned back and dug her heels in, forcing Sasha to brace herself against the floor at an extreme angle in order to prevent the black-haired girl from falling. “Can I stay the night?”

Sasha fell to the floor. Mikasa managed to stay standing.

“Uhh, I gueeeessss?” Sasha brushed herself off and tried to think. This was very sudden, and it meant a lot of things. Probably? And why would Mikasa want to spend the night anyway? What was she thinking? What had changed about their relationship so suddenly? “I don't know, actually.”

“You don't want me to?"

“It's not that! It's, well, it's kind of weird spending the night over at someone's house when they aren't your friend,” said Sasha coyly.

Mikasa looked at the ground. Her face was passive as usual, but Sasha thought she saw a hint of sadness in Mikasa's dull, blue eyes. They reminded Sasha of an unpolished gem; beautiful but lacking luster.

“But you are my friend, aren't you? You're always being nice to me. You ignore my requests for personal space and stuff. So. Um.” Mikasa looked at Sasha, but saw Sasha's quizzical look, so she opted instead to blush at the ground. “I would consider you my friend.”

Sasha had to parse Mikasa's sentence in her head a couple times, but afterwards her mouth split into the biggest smile she thought she ever smiled. “Of course I'm your friend! I'm so glad you worked up the courage to say so, finally!”

Miaksa blushed harder and sunk into her scarf. "But I said just as much before dinner."

"I assumed you were joking, the way you inflected it. But I guess you weren't! This is so exciting."

“So,” mumbled Mikasa, “As your friend, can I spend the night here?”

Sasha pantomimed thinking, cherishing how uncomfortable it made Mikasa. Mikasa started twiddling her thumbs and her perpetual poker face wobbled.

“Ok, I guess we can have a sleepover.” Sasha said before considering the ramifications of what she just said. “I'll go set up a sleeping bag in my room and then we'll go call your parents.”

“What? No. You can't call my parents.”

“Of course we have to call your parents! I mean, unless you carry around a pair of pajamas in your regular school backpack you at least need to go home to get your stuff.”

“No-” chortled Mikasa. She grabbed Sasha's hand.

Sasha waited for Mikasa to say something. Eventually she did.

“I ran away from home,” said Mikasa.

Sasha froze in shock. “Oh.” she said, lamely. “Um, then, are you sure you should be staying here?”

“Please, Sasha” mumbled Mikasa, “I don't have anywhere else to go.”

Sasha cogitated and looked to her dad. He pantomimed a theatrical 'I have no idea how to handle this' shrug. “Well, okay, but we're going to have to call your parents.”

“Please don't.”

“Mikasa, _no_ ,” Sasha put a hand on Mikasa's shoulder. For once, Mikasa didn't move her hand off. “This is really serious. Really _really_ serious. Like, above my paygrade serious. So you can stay here, but only if we call your parents, and make sure everything's alright. I mean, they must be worried about you, right?”

Mikasa looked at the ground and clenched her fists and closed her eyes. She gritted her teeth and made to say something but couldn't form the words.

“Mikasa,” preempted Sasha, “It's going to be ok.”

“Okay,” she said. Sasha didn't think Mikasa believed it.

The phone call was relatively painless, Sasha thought, though Mikasa seemed tense the whole way through. Sasha's dad made the call while Sasha and Mikasa sat on their couch. When he walked over to hand the phone to Mikasa, she tensed even more and grabbed Sasha's hand instinctively. With her other hand she shakily took the phone and put it to her ear.

Their conversation was pretty short. Mikasa said 'okay' a lot, and mentioned that she just needed some space. The person on the other end never raised their voice, so it sounded amicable, but Sasha couldn't hear exactly what she said to Mikasa. Mikasa never raised her voice when she was angry, so maybe it was the same with her mom and it actually was literally the end of the world.

And then Mikasa handed Sasha the phone. Sasha took it nervously, and got to talk to Carla Yeager for the first time. She seemed nice, barely even angry at all that her daughter seemed to have run away from home. Maybe she didn't see it that way, though. Maybe Mikasa spent the night at Armin's house a lot, and this was just another impromtu, unplanned sleepover deal.

They arranged for Mikasa to stay the night. Sasha's father went over to the family convenience store to pick up a toothbrush and some toothpaste and some shampoo for Mikasa. Sasha had some extra pajamas that might almost fit Mikasa even. Mikasa muttered some thank-you's and slumped on the couch.

Sasha ducked into one of the rooms that was being used as temporary storage. She fumbled through a set of boxes. A sleepover with Mikasa, huh? Man, she'd never thought she'd see the day.

Eventually she found the right box of books. She opened it and pulled out books until she found a thin red tome. It was entitled _Slumber 101: All you_ _ever wanted to know about Sl_ _umber parties_ _but were afraid to ask._ Some of it seemed like it was targeted towards middle schoolers, but some of it was definitely for young adults. Sasha had embarrassedly crossed out a couple sections when she used it three years prior for the first and only time.

Sasha thumbed through it. There was a chapter on makeovers, which seemed kind of redundant because Mikasa was already so beautiful. There was a chapter about talking about the cute boys you had a crush on, which Sasha thought was definitely out of the running since Mikasa was still heartbroken about Eren. There was a section in that chapter about what to do if you had a crush on your friend's brother, and Sasha wondered if it could apply if it was your own brother. Probably not, she decided.

There was a chapter on pillow fights. Mikasa could probably turn her throw-pillows into lethal weapons. And some of her pillows were really nice, too. Pillow fights were probably out of the running. Sasha also dismissed the chapter on ghost stories. Sasha'd never liked scary stories, and Mikasa didn't seem the type to get scared, and she probably new some total creepy-pants ones. The last thing Sasha wanted to do was to wet herself in front of her.

There was also a chapter on truth or dare. Mikasa had already spilled more of her personal life onto Sasha today than Sasha had to anyone Sasha'd ever talked to. Mikasa might have been in the same boat. Sasha took a moment to relive the experience of Miaksa calling her her only friend. Well, yeah the context was really sad, but still. It was a victory, one Sasha'd dine on for weeks. But the point was she probably didn't want to pry anymore than she already had. Mikasa was obviously uncomfortable being any degree of vulnerable in front of anybody.

And the last chapter was the one she had crossed out. Not that she had anything against that kind of thing, but, well, this was going so fast as it already was. Just last week Mikasa had been adamantly against their friendship and now she was staying at her house.

Sasha threw her book back into its box. “Fat lotta help you turned out to be,” she mumbled. Well, she could always watch a movie with Mikasa. Ha. Sasha wondered what type of movies Mikasa liked. Maybe action movies. She seemed the type. Or maybe not. Sasha realized she really didn't know much about her sudden houseguest.

Mikasa was hugging one of their couch pillows when Sasha reentered the living room. She was leaned forward and her eyes had lost their luster. She was perfectly still, seemingly not even breathing. Maybe she was panicking.

Sasha walked over to her.

“So I know you don' like to be pried into, but, uh,” said Sasha. “Are you doing ok? You seem a little lost.”

Mikasa shook her head. “I- . Um. I don't know, actually."

“Do you want a hug?”

“No,” immediately stated Mikasa.

“Oh. Ok.” Sasha mentally kicked herself.

The silence was about to reach the awkward mark but Mikasa saved Sasha from having to remember her original plan.

“Can we do something?” said Mikasa. “I would like something to do.”

“Oh! Yeah, I have some great books you can read. Way better than any of that Ayn Rand nonsense. Don't know why you'd read that, actually.”

“That was a suggestion from Armin, actually,” said Mikasa before Sasha could mention that she could return said book now, it was still in her bag. Mikasa pressed her face into the pillow dejectedly. “And reading isn't distracting enough,” she said.

Sasha mentally kicked herself again. “Uh- well, we have some movies! Only the classics, though. Hope that's distracting enough. What's you're favorite genre?”

“I liked the romance genre. Or I used to, at least. Before I lost my heart.”

Sasha decided not to blame herself for that one. “Ooookay, we also have some sports movies. You seem to like sports, right?”

“I only joined any of them to keep an eye on Eren.” Mikasa said from under the pillow.

Sasha forced back an 'oh come on' expression as Mikasa said nothing and stopped moving.

Sasha tried to think of something else she could ask that wouldn't remind the girl of her circumstances. But then again, Sasha thought, if someone was determined to be sad they'd always find a way to be. They had to be distracted, or caught off guard.

After about ten minutes Sasha wormed over to in front of Mikasa. She slowly brought her pointer finger up. Mikasa looked up, extracting her lower face from the pillow and followed Sasha's finger as it circled slowly. Suddenly, she poked the tip of Mikasa's nose.

“Boop,” said Sasha.

Mikasa grabbed Sasha's hand. She looked annoyed.

Sasha brought out her other hand and repeated the process.

“Boop.” she said again. This time she dodged Mikasa's attempt to grab her hand and booped her nose again.

Mikasa smiled a little and redoubled her efforts. She pulled Sasha down by her entrapped hand and was able to grab Sasha's remaining hand by bodily pinning her to the couch.

Sasha suppressed a giggle. Mikasa looked like she was enjoying herself as well.

“I got both of your hands,” stated Mikasa.

“True,” said Sasha coyly. She wormed a bit but her hands were still bound. Mikasa smirked. Sasha then snaked her head up towards Mikasa's face.

Mikasa's smile turned into a look of confusion and a little fear. Her breath caught and her face flushed.

Sasha touched the tip of her nose to Mikasa.

“Boop,” she said victoriously.

Mikasa pursed her lips in the way one did when one pretended they were annoyed but were really enjoying themselves. Sasha picked up on it as she burst into a fit of giggles.

“Cheered you up,” said Sasha.

Mikasa smiled, genuinely. “Guess you did."

 

 


	8. Role-reversal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha and Mikasa re-evaluate their relationship with one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops made this a hurt/comfort fic for a moment.
> 
> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. Hajime Isayama does. 
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of romance, teenagers, social lives, or gossip networks.

As usual, Sasha rolled out of bed when her alarm went off and drowsily stumbled into the bathroom to fix her hair and brush her teeth. She'd rinse her mouth out really well so that her breakfast wouldn't taste like toothpaste (though sometimes the taste of toothpaste wasn't necessarily bad), and she'd change after she ate in case she spilled food on herself. Not that that happened often, but routines can be weird and are hard to change.

So after she morphed down a bowl of cereal she went back to her room and had just finished taking off her pajama shirt before she remembered that Mikasa was still there.

Sasha let out a small eep and covered her chest, but Mikasa seemed to still be asleep.

Sasha remembered now: She had insisted that Mikasa set up the sleeping bag in her room so they could do sleepover things or even just talk. None of that happened in the end, not for Sasha's lack of trying. Mikasa had turned down all offers of board games and they ended up just watching  _The Matrix_  on Sasha's laptop before going to bed relatively early. And trying to converse with Mikasa in total darkness while lying ten feet from her was somehow more awkward and excruciating than trying to talk to her normally. That she still seemed depressed didn't help matters.

Sasha smoothed out her shirt and took a breath.

“Mikasa, you should get ready or you'll miss the bus.”

Mikasa mumbled something.

'What?” Sasha leaned down.

“I'm not going to school,” mumbled Mikasa at the same volume. “What's the point?”

“The- the point is,” began Sasha. She was sure there was a reason to go to school. What was it again?

“Well, you learn the skills necessary to hold down a job."

"I can learn that on my own."

"You get to play sports and do fun activities you otherwise don't get to do."

"I don't care about that."

"You get the wisdom and guidance of your elders."

"Do you think their guidance is worth anything?"

“You - you get to hang out with friends.”

“I don't have any friends.”

For a second Sasha thought her heart stopped. She considered herself lucky that Mikasa was turned away for her.

“W-what about me?” she said, failing to keep the hurt out of her voice.

Mikasa got up in response. She leaned on her elbows and looked up at Sasha and did something with her mouth. Sasha thought it might be a smile.

"I didn't mean it like that," said Mikasa. "You're my friend, Sasha. My only friend now."

"Oh!" Sasha failed to hide her relief. "So uh. Does my friend want to accompany me to school?"

"No."

"Awww, c'mon!"

"No." stated Miaksa again. She looked at the ground. "Please," she added.

Sasha gave a theatrical sigh. "Fine. But I'm not going to cover for you."

"That's fine."

 Sasha frowned. She went over to her drawer and tried to open it as little as possible while she procured her clothes. 

"So what are you going to do all day?"

"I don't know."

Sasha didn't immediately know how to respond to that.

"Well," Sasha shrugged, "I guess you can help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. Otherwise, just don't break anything and stay out of my underwear drawer."

"What's so special about your underwear drawer?"

 Sasha turned away to hide her blush. "Nothing. Well, my underwear's in it, but nothing else."

"So why don't you want me to look there?"

"It's just a common courtesy thing. You know. Like, when people want you to respect their privacy they mention their unmentionables. It's a thing."

Mikasa stared blank faced. Sasha scrunched her face. Did she understand this at all?

"Whatever." said Sasha. "Just- just don't get into any trouble."

 

//---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After Sasha got to school and walked into AP Chem she noticed that Mr. Shadis was shuffling a stack of papers and smiling menacingly.

Crap. Crap crap crap crap crap.

“Carp,” said Sasha, outloud. Not good to swear at school. 

“What is it?” said Krista. She had managed to sneak up on her. “Thinking about lunch?”

“Totally spaced this quiz.”

“But we have a quiz every other Friday."

“I know! How could I forget this?”

“Well,” Krista leaned in and dropped her voice, “maybe you can just copy off of Mikasa."

If only.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Class started. Sasha took her seat and placed her hands in her lap and her face flat on the desk.

“Huh. That's strange,” said Shadis as he took attendance. “Mikasa's normally got perfect attendance.”

“She's feeling a little sick today,” said Sasha to her table. Her voice was a little muffled.

There was a pause before Mr. Shadis replied. “And she told  _you_  to tell the class that?” he said skeptically.

Sasha looked up. The entire class was staring at her. It'd been a while since that happened.

“Yes.”

Shadis' face twitched slightly; in a confused way, not in the usual angry way. “But she hates you.”

“No she doesn't! Why does everyone think that?”

“Empirical evidence,” stated Shadis.

“Lets see: my sense of sight,” said Ymir before getting elbowed by Krista.

“<cough> and my hearing-.” Ymir wheezed before Krista smacked her out of her chair.

Shadis disregarded Ymir groaning on the floor. He stared at Sasha. “When she gets back, if she has a note from her parents, I'll believe you, and change her absence to 'excused'. Anyway, everyone put your notes away and take out a #2 pencil...."'

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Fifteen minutes into class, at the deadline for the quiz, Sasha handed in her sheet and slumped in her chair despondently. She knew she'd missed half those questions, and she probably couldn't count on the half she did know being perfect. She tried to pay attention to the rest of the lecture but couldn't.

On the way out of class Sasha got jumped by Krista and Ymir. They had matching mischievous smiles.

“So why you covering for Mikasa, girl?” asked Ymir.

“Because- well,” Sasha began. Why was she? Mikasa skipped school of her own accord. Sasha didn't owe her anything. She even said as much this morning.

Krista smiled and shared a look with Ymir. “Awww, you just want to get on her good side, huh? You saw she wasn't here today and came up with a random story so she'd be all grateful when she got back. That's adorable.”

“No, I knew she wouldn't be here today,” corrected Sasha absently. If she had been less preoccupied with her recent failure she probably wouldn't have said that.

“How'd you know that?” said Krista.

Sasha froze. Crap. Should she tell them? Sasha thought probably not. 

“Uhh, no reason. I didn't. I was lying.”

Ymir and Krista shared a look again. Sasha wanted to name that look; the two girls did it often enough.

 "You're hiding something, Sasha."

"N-no I'm not! And if I was, why do you care?"

"It's ok though," said Krista. She was looking at Sasha when she said it but it was probably more for Ymir's benefit. "We can just ask Armin next period."

 "Yeah," said Sasha absently.

 

 //--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After a brief bathroom detour Sasha got to Honors English and saw that Ymir and Krista were harassing Armin at the latter's usual desk. Armin looked incredibly uncomfortable. When Sasha walked in, Armin craned her head up to try to get Sasha's attention but was pulled back by Krista. Eventually she escaped and ran up to Sasha.

“H-hey,” she said, twiddling her fingers, “So, uh. Umm.”

Sasha chuckled half-heartedly. “Hey Armin. You need a partner because Mikasa's not here today, right?”

Armin cogitated for a second and then nodded profusely. It was rather adorable.

“Sasha nooo!” said Connie from the other side of the room, dramatically reaching towards her. “How will we get by without you?”

Sasha giggled. She remembered she rocked at literacy and forgot her chemistry failings for a moment. “You guys'll be fine. I'll help you out during lunch if need be.”

“Cool!” said Krista. She had managed to sneak up on them. “We can be a party of four,”

“Armin's probably used to working in a group of two, through, right?”

"Y-yeah," said Armin.

Krista pouted and glared at Sasha as Ymir shrugged and smiled and dragged Krista away. Sasha took a seat next to Armin and idly noticed that this was usually where Mikasa kept her butt. What was she up to by now? Getting a head start on the weekend, maybe? What did other people do on the weekends?

“Thanks for saving me,” Armin whispered, "And on behalf of the Yeagers, thanks for, you know, taking care of Mikasa."

Sasha cogitated. Armin was as far as she could tell and as Annie described, a total sweetheart. Although she did, as Mikasa described, steal Eren from Mikasa. But Eren didn't actually like Mikasa that way, and they were siblings, too, which was a big no-no. So Armin didn't do anything wrong (probably).

But maybe there was some sort of unwritten code about dating friends? Or dating friend's siblings? Mikasa seemed to be the overprotective big sibling, well-meaning but ultimately antagonistic big sibling. But those characters were always in the wrong. But still, Mikasa was her friend, and Armin, however sweet she was, was still basically a stranger.

For once in her life, Sasha lamented her lack of knowledge about teen romance cliches. But not enough to crack open a book about them or anything. 

“So I guess I don't really understand the full situation,” said Sasha eventually.

Armin paled. “Uhh, well. Let's see. Well. Eren and I like each other,” she whispered. “And Mikasa didn't like that. But! But neither of us dislike Mikasa at all. Well, Eren's still a little mad. A lot mad.”

“So you decided to act on your mutual feelings and Mikasa flipped her lid.”

“Welll,” said Armin, “We've been sorta seeing each other in secret for a while now. We were going to make it official today at lunch, but since Mikasa's not here...” Armin scrunched her face. “Actually, that might make it better. She won't get mad."

Sasha frowned. They had been doing this behind Mikasa's back? That didn't sound OK. That actually sounded like betrayal. “So what am I going to tell Mikasa?" 

"OH! Yes, we have that figured out." Armin dug through her bags and procured a small white envelope. "Here's a letter for her. From Eren. " 

Sasha looked at the letter intently. It was just a letter, with the words "To Sis" and "from Eren" messily scribbled on it. Probably just an apology and an explanation, but it was also probably the most important thing in Mikasa's life right now, since Eren was pretty much all she talked about. Sasha briefly allowed herself to fantasize how Mikasa would react when Sasha presented the letter, and then winced because she imagined Mikasa getting upset all over again.

"So that's from Eren? Or is it from both of you?"

"Just Eren. I haven't read it," sputtered Armin, "Do you think I need to write one?"

"Maybe," she said. "If you're really on Mikasa's side."

"But there aren't any sides! We all just want to be friends again."

Sasha frowned a bit, but class started and she decided not to pursue the issue.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In the passing period between Literacy and Math, In the halls, Ymir and Krista jumped Sasha again.

“So what was that all about?" asked Krista.

“Did something happen with Mikasa? Is that what you talked about?” said Ymir.

“Well,” began Sasha. Yes, but she probably shouldn't mention that. Sasha closed her eyes. "I can neither confirm nor deny any such allegations," she recited.

“C'mon, girl,” said Krista, “You can't leave us hanging. You gotta tell us something.”

“We need gossip to live,” said Ymir sarcastically. Krista head-butted the taller girl in the chin.

Sasha pondered what she should do while Ymir picked herself up from the floor and caught her breath.

"Then ask someone else," stated Sasha, "This matter is not a public spectacle nor does it exist for your amusement."

"Woah woah woah," said Ymir, "Where's all this coming from?"

"Yeah," said Krista, "What happened to sweet little confused Sasha?"

"I am  _not dumb._ Why does everyone keep thinking that?" _  
_

"'Empirical evidence,'" said Ymir in a gruff voice. Sasha later realized she was imitating Mr. Shadis.

"Because you're trying to be friends with Mikasa," said Krista.

"Potatoes," said Ymir. 

Sasha ignored that last line. "So I'm a little slow on the uptake and a little absentminded and a lot confused," admitted Sasha, "But that doesn't mean I can't not mess up when I want to, when it really matters. I consider myself very articulate and assertive, potentially."

Ymir started counting the double negatives on her hand. Krista nodded and gave her rebuttal.

"So what you're saying," began Krista, "Is that something deeply personal and important happened to Mikasa and you're involved."

"N-no."

"If you give us something to gossip about, we won't need to keep asking you. This is probably the most interesting thing happening in school right now."

“Alright, fine," began Sasha. Krista's face lit up. "Here's some juicy, unrelated gossip, so you can stop hounding me about Mikasa,” 

But then Sasha thought about it more. Krista started rambling about compromise, but Sasha was busy thinking. Armin was really secretive about her new relationship. Maybe this wasnt ok. But then again, she said they were going to tell everyone at lunch, right? So they wanted to be open about it. And either way, it'd be moot once lunchtime happened. It wasn't that big a deal.

“Eren and Armin hooked up.” said Sasha. That'd get them off her case.

There was a clatter as Krista dropped her stuff. Ymir only dropped her jaw. The silence resounded in the air and Sasha wondered if she broke the fabric of the universe. She had time to entertain the idea; maybe she'd make chemistry easy and rewrite Mikasa to be nicer to her. Like, she'd be her lab partner willingly and stop stealing her food and such. 

Eventually Krista said something that broke Sasha's fantasy.

“ _WHAT.”_   was what she said, spoken in a way that made Sasha think she really did break something.

“That can't be right,” stated Ymir. Sasha sunk into her shoulders and twiddled her thumbs. She had never seen these two so distressed before. Krista and Ymir performed their signature look at each other. Krista's eyes were wide with panic and Ymir furrowed her brow like she did when they discussed politics in history.

Sasha frowned. “Uh, I'm sorry. Was that no good?”

“No no. If it's true-” said Ymir

“Then its really, really good.”

“Goddamn it,” said Ymir, “Now we owe you.”

“Ymir, that's not a bad thing. We do owe you Sasha," said Krista with a inexplicable seriousness in her voice. "This is- we'll have to talk about this. Talk to you later.” 

They hastily scurried off to class, conspiring among themselves.

Sasha did so as well, minus the conspiring part. Huh, she thought. That was weird.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mikasa awoke. She was mostly still inside Sasha's sleeping bag. The parts of her that weren't were cold. She tried to care. She failed.

She hadn't slept in this late in recent memory. A part of her vaguely realized that she had a Rugby game tonight. The rest of her didn't care. What was the point? And at least this way, Eren might get to shine. For once. Without her to hold him back. That's how he saw her; a shackle, a smothering albatross. Like that thing in that poem she didn't care about they'd read in literacy.

But Eren might get hurt! She wasn't there to take his blows for him, or run the ball for him. Mikasa frowned.

But without her there they might be forced to run Armin. And he'd definitely get hurt, or at least bring down the team. People would be mad at Armin after tonight. Mikasa smiled a bit.

She tugged at the scarf around her neck when she thought of her brother. He hated her now. He never wanted to see her again. This would have brought her to tears if she was one to cry. Instead she let the sadness subsume her as she tried to sink into the ground.

If the ground were just jello, she thought. Or a similar semi-permeable cartilaginous substance. If only she could just disappear into the ground forever.

But, alas, she couldn't do it. She still existed. Damn.

And, for some terrible reason, just laying there was tiring. Damn again.

She got up and adjusted her t-shrit and boxers and yawned. She looked around the room. Sasha's room.

A few cardboard boxes rested against the wall with the window. On one wall was a poster of a man with a black pompadour in a nice jacket behind a mountain of pancakes. The caption said something about eating contests. There were some movie posters; Mikasa recognized one of them as an adaptation of a book series, so maybe they all were. Another wall had a fake bear head mounted on it. The bear was making a silly face, which Mikasa thought was quite a feat considering it was a realistic bear face rather than, say, a teddy bear. The tongue stuck out strangely and the eyes were crossed. It would have looked better on a teddy bear.

There was, however, also a teddy bear, behind Sasha's bed. Sasha had thrown it there when Mikasa first entered the room. Sasha probably thought Mikasa hadn't seen it. How childish, both the bear and the shame of it.

Lacking something better to do, Mikasa retrieved the bear. It looked old; the fluff was clumped together inside and the fur was matted down through wear. It was missing an eye. Probably a sentimental heirloom. Very childish. It suited Sasha.

There were a couple of paper bowls laying on bookshelves and desks, with the stale residue of midnight snacks still lingering within them. They also suited Sasha.

There were a couple of other decorations. A picture that Sasha had turned down (she had probably thought Mikasa hadn't noticed). Mikasa decided to take a peak now that Sasha wasn't here.

It was a family picture. A young Sasha, her father, and a woman Mikasa assumed was her mother were in hunting gear, posing in some sort of forest. Sasha wore a hat that was too big for her as she clutched a rifle.

Mikasa felt the pangs of sentimentality but brushed them aside. Instead, she considered that maybe that stuffed bear head wasn't fake after all.

Mikasa put the picture back down. Sasha wouldn't notice.

So what else was there? Mikasa pulled a chair over to stand on so she could feel the bear head. She didn't know what a real bear felt like, so she wasn't able to make any conclusions.

So what else?

Sasha had explicitly said to keep out of her underwear drawer. Why would she do that, unless there was something embarrassing in there?

Mikasa sequentially pulled open the drawers of Sasha's dresser. The underwear one was in the middle. 

She rummaged through it. Nothing remarkable. Sasha didn't wear very interesting underwear. How disappointing. That meant there was probably something else in there.

Mikasa rummaged some more but didn't find anything. Not even emergency snacks. She closed the drawer in defeat.

She looked at the clock. It was only 10:00 AM. Damn.

Mikasa sat down at Sasha's desk, where her laptop sat, closed. Mikasa was a little surprised that Sasha owned one of those, since she never brought it to school and didn't seem the type. When she first met Sasha, Mikasa thought she was poor, because she enjoyed cafeteria food so much. Then she thought Sasha was some sort of new-age Luddite, what with how much she talked about classic literature. Then Mikasa thought Sasha might be both. 

MIkasa opened it up. The desktop picture was a picture of some woods, with Sasha and both her parents holding hunting gear. It wasn't the same picture as the on on her drawer; Sasha was a bit older in this one, though still probably in middle school. 

The computer asked for a password. Mikasa pondered for a moment. She typed in 'potato'.

It wasn't the right password. Maybe 'potatoes?'

That didn't work either. Maybe 'potatos', though in retrospect Sasha was doing well enough in literacy that she'd probably know how to spell potatoes. 

Mikasa recalled with some regret that she didn't ask Sasha her favorite food the previous night, when she berated Mikasa for assuming it was potatoes. Mikasa considered feeling guilty but decided against it.

After the third try the computer warned her that one more wrong password would lock her out of the computer for a minute. It also gave a password hint:

"Voiceless it cries, Wingless flutters, Toothless bites, mouthless mutters:"

Mikasa stared at it for a moment. What the hell was this? She closed the computer in defeat. 

She tried out Sasha's bed. Sasha slept in this, she thought. The sheets were cold, though, and Sasha had made a half-hearted attempt to tidy it before she left. It didn't really feel any different from any other bed. Mikasa sighed in disappointment.

Mikasa returned to her sleeping bag and lay back and tried again to sink into the ground. She failed.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

In Math Sasha had decided to tell Connie the situation.

“You're friends now? That's so great Sasha!” said Connie.

Sasha smiled. Connie had always supported her efforts to make friends with Mikasa. He was a little confused at why she would ever want to do that, but he decided that he could still offer Sasha her support.

“Thanks! That means a lot to me, Connie.”

“I admit I didn't think you'd succeed, not for a lack of trying on your part.”

“Yeah, I'm actually very surprised."

Connie nodded and pointed out an algebra error on Sasha's worksheet. 

“But what do I do now? I didn't think I'd get this far for, like, at least a month. And, like, I'm totally not prepared for this."

“Weeeelll,” said Connie, “It does seem a little sudden. How long do you think she intends to stay there?"

"I don't know. She said she 'ran away' but I'm sure she'll get homesick eventually. I hope so, actually," lied Sasha. "I mean, Dad and I are going hunting next weekend. I'm a little nervous about both options if she's still around."

"Then you have to make the most of it this weekend. Do some friend things. Hang out. Play games."

“Yeah, but I feel like we've skipped a big part of getting to know each other. Last night I think she mostly just silently watched me watch a movie."

"Hmm," replied Connie.

"Like, I've been over to your house and Mina's house, but that was mostly homework, and then just talking. That didn't happen with Mikasa."

One day a couple weeks ago Sasha and Connie had some particularly difficult math homework so Sasha had followed Connie home one day. They had finished the homework relatively early and afterward Connie spent an hour teaching Sasha rugby. Another day Mina had invited her as well as Thomas, Marco, Jean, and Connie to study for the last Literacy test. Otherwise Sasha's social life was pretty bare.

“And she's living there?” said Connie, voicing Sasha's concern. “That's some heavy stuff, man. Did she really run away from home? I mean, does your dad have to sign some waiver of guardianship?”

“She's Eighteen. Nineteen, actually. So a legal adult. So no, I don't think so."

Connie reacted with surprise, and Sasha explained that she couldn't explain why Mikasa was that old. Connie understood. They did some more math problems.

"I guess the only thing I can say," concluded Connie, "Is to put one foot in front of the other. Metaphorically. Do what you intended to do; get to know her. Hang out. Hope it works out. "

"Yeah," said Sasha, "Hope it works out."

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

At lunch, though, Ymir and Krista jumped Sasha again. They seemed like they were trying to put the previous period behind them. 

Armin sat at a table by herself, nervously eyeing the hallway. Eren was nowhere in sight. Sasha thought that was probably the reason Armin was so nervous.

Krista and Ymir placed their trays down across from Sasha and put on matching Cheshire grinns.

 "We wheedled it out of Eren during kung fu class," said Ymir. 

"Kung fu class?" enunciated Sasha through a mouth full of mashed potatoes.

"Not literally. Mr. Zacharius tells us that, in the original language, 'Kung Fu' is just a word to describe mastery in a subject."

"Aw, c'mon!" fake-whined Ymir, "You never let me convince someone we have a 'kung fu' class."

"But we do, technically. It's Mr. Zacharius's favorite joke."

Ymir waved the air, annoyed.

"So," said Krista with a manic expression, "Mikasa went crying into your arms last night, huh?"

Sasha flushed at the mental image. "N-no! It didn't happen like that. She didn't even cry."

"But she's living with you?” said Ymir.

“Yep. She even said we were friends,” replied Sasha with an air of smugness. "And  _you_ thought she hated me."

“Well,” began Ymir. She looked concerned.

“What?”

“Well, she said you were her friend only after she needed a place to stay, right?”

“Yeah. Because I was the only friend she could trust,” Sasha stated with pride.

“But beforehand she's been consistently mean to you.”

“Well,” said Sasha, “Some people just don't know how to show affection except by bullying. I'm sure her heart's in the right place."

“So she bullied you?”

“Sort of,” conceded Sasha, “Like, she's always stealing my food and setting me up to look bad and she gets away with it because nobody believes she'd do anything like that,”

“I have to disagree with nobody. That all sounds really out of character for her,” said Krista, “So I hate to break it to you but Ymir's right. Mikasa's just using you.”

“Nooooo,” said Sasha with wavering certainty. There was no way that was true.

Buuuut, Sasha thought, ignoring whatever Krista was saying at the moment. Mikasa was pretty rude during dinner. And she seemed to want to avoid hanging out last night.

And there was the bullying. Sasha just assumed Mikasa had trouble showing affection but maybe she actually had trouble showing disgust. Maybe she really did hate Sasha and was trying to show it.

“I'm just saying,” continued Ymir through the silence, “Don't you think its weird that she suddenly wants to be your friend the moment she needs a place to stay?

“Well – well,” said Sasha, “Maybe she just needed a bit of a push to admit her feelings.”

“So why doesn't she just be your lab partner? That's an easy excuse to get to be friends. If she needed a push she could have used that.”

Sasha froze. Yeah, why didn't she? She could easily be passing AP Chem now if Mikasa just helped her once in a while.

Like today! Like today, if she had been here, Mikasa could have let Sasha copy her quiz. Not that that was how she would have preferred to pass; she really would have studied if- if- 

And then Sasha realized that the reason she hadn't studied the night prior was because Mikasa had stopped by and made her watch movies and give emotional support and all that useless garbage.

And then she remembered the morning, when Mikasa mentioned that she didn't have any friends, and Sasha had to prod her. Maybe- maybe-

“ _Gosh Darn_  it,” said Sasha, slamming her fist down, “You're right! She's been using me!"

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha fumed through the rest of lunch. She remembered all the times Mikasa would get away with pranking her, and she especially remembered her stupid, smug face when everyone took her side. Like when Mikasa put a bag of moldy bread in her locker before the weekend and Sasha got blamed for it the following Monday.

Eren didn't show up at lunch until very near the end. He rushed over to Armin, and Sasha overheard him saying something about being held up by Mr. Shadis in the middle of his profuse apologies. Krista and Ymir accosted them, though seemed to give up or be shooed away after a brief moment.

Sasha fumed through P.E. She remembered the one time during a Biology quiz when Sasha tried to copy Mikasa's answers, and after Sasha finished and turned hers in Mikasa erased her quiz and answered everything differently. Sasha especially remembered when that quiz was passed back; Sasha got a 5% and Mikasa stole her quiz and showed Jean and Marco, theatrically tutting all the while.

During P.E., Eren looked like he wanted to talk to her at some point but he reconsidered. Or maybe Sasha's frustration showed on her face and scared him off.

Sasha fumed through History. She remembered when Mikasa called her eating rituals dumb. Krista and Ymir sat next to her for the umpteenth time that day. 

“Hey, you've had that awful look on your face all day," said Krista softly.

“Well, I just realize what a fool I've been, and what a jerk Mikasa is. That jerk.”

“Goddamn it Ymir, you broke Sasha.”

“What ya blaming me for? It's Mikasa's fault for playing Sasha.”

“Yeah it is!” said Sasha. She fumed a bit and returned to her fantasy of rewriting reality only this time she had less generous imaginings of what she should rewrite Mikasa as.

"Look; Connie mentioned you didn't know what to do about Mikasa staying over. It was all awkward and stuff."

"Connie talked about this?"

"We have ways of making people talk," stated Ymir with false seriousness and a silly face. Krista elbowed her.

 "So why not make it a sleepover? I mean, there's a rugby game tonight that I guess Mikasa won't be at, but Saturday Ymir and I and any of your girlfriends- friends who are girls I mean-" Krista's eyes shrunk in fear for some reason. She chortled and Ymir jumped in.

"We can sleepover too. Make it a party, so it's less awkward."

"I already said that Ymir," barked Krista. She turned to Sasha and her voice softened. "But, we being the social butterflies we are, can assist you in your socialization defects."

"But, to be fair, we haven't been able to hold a conversation with Mikasa. We'll invite Annie though; she's had some luck."

Krista made like she was about to elbow Ymir again but didn't. "That is true. So a disclaimer on our offer then."

Sasha forced a smile. "I appreciate it, but I can't insist you do that."

"Nonsense. You wanted to be friends with Mikasa since forever, so you should go for it. Ymir is sorry she planted the seeds of doubt in your mind."

"I'm actually-" began Ymir. She looked at Krista and flinched, and then she looked at Sasha, "-very sorry I mentioned it. At all."

"Don't be," said Sasha, "You were probably right."

Ymir and Krista started making plans. Sasha spent the rest of the class period brooding and pretending to pay attention to history.

 

//---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

Sasha especially fumed through Biology. Mikasa's empty seat reminded her of all the times Mikasa had made her life harder than it had to be. She was pretty sure Instructor Zoë thought she was a total food-obsessed dunce as a result. She had no one to discuss notes with so she just fumed by herself. She spent the rest of the day that way: Krista and Ymir had to go to the gym to prepare for the Rugby match so Sasha was unaccosted on the way to the bus, through the ride home and up until she entered her house and walked up into her room.

Mikasa had obviously been up but hadn't changed out of her sleeping clothes yet and her hair was a mess. At 3:00 PM! How lazy. 

And she had gotten into her music. The famous movie soundtracks, specifically the depressing ones. Her room's CD player was on full blast. Mikasa lay on her side half out of Sasha's sleeping bag, and a quarter out of her sleeping t-shirt with her signature scarf partially unwound from her neck. She still looked beautiful, though, and the scarf made the ensemble look a little weird but cool. Sasha huffed; Mikasa had no right to look as good as she did, considering the circumstances.

“Goddamn it, Shinji," Sasha said as she turned off her CD player. She got the feeling there was something she needed to do that involved Mikasa.

 But then Mikasa turned to look at Sasha. She wore her regular passive expression, which this time infuriated Sasha.

“What?”, said Mikasa in her frustratingly passive monotone.

“That was a reference to a famous movie. A foreign movie.” Sasha cogitated. “Do you watch Anime?” she said, the rage temporarily out of her voice.

Mikasa looked at the ground. “I liked _Oreimo_.”

“Of course. Of goshdarned course you did. 'Cause there's nothing to your personality besides 'incest'.” Sasha waved her hands theatrically. "'Ooo look at me! I'm Mikasa and I'm in love with my brother!'"

“That's mean Sasha." Mikasa's voice was tinged with a bit of hurt. Sasha _relished_ it.

“Well good! Now you know what it feels like, you big meanie-head."

Sasha wondered briefly if she was being too mean, but then saw that the picture of her mother had been moved. She walked over and turned it up briefly, trying to let her anger dissipate. Then she realized her underwear drawer was cracked open.

"So I didn't say anything about my family picture: that I guess is my fault. But I specifically told you not to go into my underwear! What is wrong with you?"

Mikasa sunk into her scarf. "It's not like there was anything in there..."

"But I told you not to! Why would you do that?"

"I- I don't know- " Mikasa began. She didn't finish. Sasha hated that and wanted to say something hurtful.

"You don't even really think of me as a friend, do you? I'm just a place to stay for you because you've alienated everyone who's ever loved you!"

Mikasa's face fell and her body went slack. Sasha felt good at that- felt a guilty satisfaction when Mikasa's nostrils twitched and her eyes quivered and when she opened her mouth to try to speak but couldn't. Sasha knew this feeling was wrong, but it also felt right. A wrong-right; one that she wanted to feel some more.

"Sasha-" said Mikasa meekly. 

Sasha had spent the last four hours sorting out how she felt about this mess, finding the words to put to her feelings and now the pain flowed from her mouth too easily. "You've been bullying me the whole year because I was an easy mark that kept coming back to you and then suddenly you show up at my door asking to be friends but you just rummaged though my stuff!"

Mikasa's face fell. Sasha's torrent continued. "You ignored my wishes and disparage everything I like and- and I've tried so hard to be your friend but you just throw everything back in my face! Well, I'm done with that now. I'm done with you! You selfish misfit-head!"

Mikasa's eyes quivered. She didn't say anything, but she didn't look as upset as Sasha wanted her to be.

Sasha huffed. So Mikasa wasn't even going to apologize? Sasha said the words she knew would hurt Mikasa the most. "I never want to see you again."

Mikasa didn't cry. She didn't really do anything. She went slack and her eyes unfocused, and the life drained out of her.

That made Sasha feel some pangs of sympathy and regret. She realized Mikasa was probably still reeling from the emotional maelstrom with Eren yesterday. She realized she definitely wasn't helping. But her feelings were still set to anger, and she realized that she probably needed some space too.

Sasha dropped her bags and walked out of the room. The entire house even, though just to the front steps, so not really out of the house. She sat with her hands on her knees and sighed, trying to steady her breathing and sort her feelings out again. 

Eventually Mikasa found her. Probably wasn't very hard, but it still annoyed Sasha that she was still here.

“Sasha,” stated Mikasa. She walked over to where Sasha was sitting.

“Go away, Mikasa,” mumbled Sasha.

“Sasha,” stated Mikasa again. She sat next to Sasha and tried to make eye contact, but Sasha turned her head away and crossed her arms.

“No, Mikasa. You're a big meanie.”

“Sasha,” stated Mikasa again. She wrapped her arms around Sasha from the side, pinning Sasha's elbows to her side. "I'm sorry,"

Sasha scoffed. She would later realize that this was the first time Mikasa ever hugged her, but now she was too preoccupied with being cross.

"I'm really sorry," said Mikasa again.

"Let go of me."

"Do you forgive me?"

"No."

"Then I won't let go of you."

"Then I guess we'll stay here forever."

"Fine."

"Fine!" Sasha crossed her arms under Mikasa's embrace and pouted. Mikasa inhaled sharply for some reason.

They sat there, awkwardly in each others arms. 

"I really do like you," mumbled Mikasa, eventually.

"What was that?" said Sasha. 

"I- stop doing that," Mikasa whispered with her eyes shut.

"Stop doing what?"

"Making me say things," Mikasa's voice was barely audible. "This is hard. "

"Then  _try harder,"_ spat Sasha through gritted teeth.

Mikasa adjusted her hold on Sasha so that both her hands were on the brunette's shoulders and so that they were face to face. 

"I-" Mikasa began, unable to make eye contact with Sasha for more than a moment.

"I, um," Mikasa continued.

Sasha huffed and made to get up. 

"Wait!" said Mikasa. Panic gripped her voice. "I - I thought you liked it. The teasing." Mikasa's confidence faded and her voice lost volume. " _I_ liked it. I liked it a lot. I'm sad that you didn't."

 Sasha raised an eyebrow and nodded expectantly.

 "And," mumbled MIkasa, "And I-"

MIkasa moved her face close to Sasha's. She opened her mouth slightly but ended up only biting her lip. A couple times her mouth formed something Sasha thought was the 'ah' syllable. She was probably going to say 'and' again. Sasha decided to preempt her.

"And what?" said Sasha sharply. MIkasa flinched.

"And I wasn't thinking when I did those things, Sasha. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"So that makes it better then?"

"Doesn't it? I won't do it again, if you want."

"Will you?

"I-I've been so stupid, Sasha, and I don't deserve your forgiveness-"

"Don't make this about you," Sasha barked, "This whole thing happened because you never considered how I'd feel."

"I- you're right. I'm sorry." 

"And stop groveling."

"Sorry."

"Apologizing is groveling, Mikasa." Sasha started to see why Mikasa liked teasing her so much.

"S- " Mikasa began. She bit her lower lip. "What do you want me to say, Sasha? What do I need to say to make this right?"

"I dunno. Can you make this right? Tell me your true feelings, I guess," said Sasha absently. 

MIkasa's eyes widened. Her breathing quickened and her face flushed. Her mouth trembled and she contorted her mouth. She stared at Sasha's lips. A bit too long, it turned out.

"Is there something in my teeth?" said Sasha. She maneuvered to scratch at the space between her teeth with her fingernails.

"N-no, I - I was- I wanted to- uh-"

"I'm running out of patience, Mikasa. Ten words and I'm done listening."

Mikasa visibly panicked. "I- I like you, Sasha. I want us to continue being friends." Mikasa caught a dissatisfied look from Sasha. "If that's okay with you, I mean. I want to, uh," Mikasa continued. Sasha nodded encouragingly. "I want to take your feelings into account. So, um, please forgive me?"

A vindictive part of Sasha kept her face expressionless and her mouth shut for long enough to Mikasa to tremble and blush and look away. Mikasa's grip went slack in defeat or perhaps embarrassment. Only then did Sasha laugh- a happy, good-hearted laugh. She hoped it's intent was clear: that all was forgiven.

"Alright," she said, relishing the surprise on Mikasa's face. "I guess I can't stay mad for very long, especially after that. Even if that was more than ten words." 

Mikasa let go of Sasha as the latter shuddered with mirth. A look of relief fell across Mikasa's face, but for a moment it looked like regret.

"See? Sharing your feelings isn't so hard."

While Sasha was preoccupied with laughing and wouldn't see, Mikasa blushed and stared at Sasha's lips. "You have no idea."

 


	9. A YumiKuri Sleepover, pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista and Ymir sleep over at Sasha's house in order to help her socialize with Mikasa better.
> 
> Contains smooching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin. Hajime Isayama does. 
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of Rugby, relationships, sleepovers, cars, party games, and especially Rugby.

Later that day, after that intense emotional moment had settled into the past, Mikasa helped Sasha work on her homework a little. Chemistry was easy, but Mikasa was distracted in trying not to outwardly show that she was processing the recent events.

That evening, Sasha and her father decided to take advantage of the free student and parent admissions to school sports events and see the rugby game. Mikasa declined to accompany them.

“But how am I going to know what's going on?” joked Sasha. By all appearances, she seemed to have forgiven Mikasa for everything. Mikasa dared to hope that forgiveness was that easy; Sasha had seemed really, really mad just hours before. But now she wasn't, and Mikasa was determined that it stay that way.

So Sasha showed Mikasa her book and DVD collection and left. Mikasa waved goodbye and watched them leave through the living room window and after they did, she calmly walked upstairs to the room she temporarily shared with Sasha. She pulled the pillow out from her borrowed sleeping bag, sat on Sasha's bed, lay back, and pressed the pillow into her face.

Stupid, stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid, Mikasa thought to herself.

'Ten words or less: tell me your feelings?' that was the perfect set up for a kiss. That was perfect conveyance in zero words. And even more so, she messed up the two opportunities right beforehand. How often do you get even a single one of those? She was lucky to even have an opportunity to try again, and she had messed up three whole times. Stupid stupid stupid.

Mikasa pulled the pillow away from her face and breathed, trying to cool her face down.

Another part of her, though, called her stupid for a different reason. Would Sasha be into it? She was very upset because Mikasa hadn't taken her feelings into account, and smooching someone clearly angry without permission was exactly that. The last time she smooched someone who was angry with her she got slapped in the face. 

And another part of her wondered why she was trying to smooch Sasha in the first place. 

She didn't know why. But when Sasha had come home yelling at her, crying tears of pain and rage, Mikasa really, really wanted Sasha to know that she didn't want to hurt her. That she didn't mean all the things Sasha accused of her of.

Mikasa mentally examined the previous weeks and, with much dismay, determined that, yeah, she was really mean to Sasha. Any normal person would think she hated them, that she was just a bully. Sasha was completely justified in thinking she was just some asshole. 

But that was why Mikasa wanted to smooch her. Why she wanted to make it clear that Mikasa didn't hate Sasha. That Mikasa really did value her.

But why a smooch? And why now? Her heart belonged to Eren- she knew that for nearly ten years now. More than ten years. Did this mean she was giving up? Just gonna let some blonde nerd steal the love of her life away?

Eren was an immaculate angel, always there for Mikasa, so Mikasa vowed always to be there for him. When Mikasa thought of Eren, she felt a warmth throughout her entire being. She knew the weight of her feelings, and the history they shared together. Mikasa tugged at the scarf around her neck. She still wore it, even though Eren had denounced her.

But when Mikasa thought of Sasha, she felt unburdened, like always chuckling gently and eating chocolate. Like an afternoon nap on a warm day. She owed Sasha nothing and Sasha knew nothing about her and, yet, Sasha kept coming back, smiling dopily and sitting next to her and loudly eating food. Even despite all of Mikasa's teasing.

But Mikasa never teased Eren, and Eren never teased either, not like with Sasha. Eren never put his arms round Mikasa and shook her, whining her name adorably and physically jostling her, outwardly upset but always letting Mikasa end the teasing on her own terms.

Eren also rarely let Mikasa feed him anymore. The last time he did he had a pained expression on his face. Sasha really seemed to like being fed, but that probably wasn't because it was Mikasa specifically feeding her. Still, Mikasa decided she liked that.

Mikasa hugged the pillow, remembering how Sasha felt when she hugged her. Sasha was warm, bony in some places and squishy in others, and just the right size to fit in her embrace. Eren also squirmed when Mikasa tried to hug him, but he usually managed to escape. And Sasha had her arms around MIkasa quite often, but never in a hug. 

Eren had an altar in Mikasa's heart, but Sasha had a place too, somewhere. Mikasa felt different about Sasha than she did Eren, and-

-and if she loved Eren, that meant what she felt for Sasha was different from love.

Aha, that was it. 

Mikasa removed the pillow from her face and started to breath again. Her face still felt hot, but a couple seconds of deep breathing fixed that.

 She didn't actually have romantic feelings towards Sasha. This was just- just- 

Just something else. Just friendship (probably). She wouldn't jeopardize that with conflating it with love.

All just as well, Mikasa decided. She resolved to remember that, whatever these new feelings were, she shouldn't be doing anything weird with Sasha. Then she looked for something to do for the next couple hours. She settled on the sequel to the movie Sasha showed her the previous night. It wasn't the same without Sasha there, but the action scenes were pretty cool.

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha and her father got home late. Sasha had never seen a rugby match before and didn't know the rules well enough to answer Mikasa when she asked how Eren did. Sasha felt a little less guilty when that motivated Mikasa to call her mother and arrange to stay at least the weekend. Sasha was fine with it and her father didn't object, though they talked about how long Mikasa intended to stay here. She could probably stay indefinitely, except for next weekend, when they'd be out in the wilderness shooting at animals (legally, in designated areas). But Mikasa should probably be working on patching things up with her family, Sasha thought. If she stayed here indefinitely she'd never patch things up with her family.

Sasha woke up that Saturday morning early, the same time she'd normally wake up for school. She then remembered to tell her dad she intended to have a sleep over so they hurriedly unpacked the boxes they could and hid what they couldn't. Their house looked a lot more like a house now without corners filled with cardboard boxes. Some of the stuff they unpacked they hadn't seen in years. She and her dad made up silly stories about how it must have got there as they did.

Mikasa had slept in again. She walked down the stairs into the living room in her sleeping attire at about noon, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

"Hey sleepyhead," said Sasha. She waved from the dinner table, spilling a little milk and Cheerios and backwash on her t-shirt. She rubbed the stain to try to fix it.

"Hey," mumbled Mikasa.

"So we're supposed to head over to your house today. Do you want some breakfast first?"

MIkasa nodded silently. Sasha pushed a bowl of cereal in front of Mikasa and grinned, closed-eyed.

"So after you're done, put on some pants and we'll go. You'll have to tell my dad where you live, though."

So they did. At the Yeager residence, there weren't any cars in the driveway; Mikasa explained that her family might be shopping, and that her father might be on call. She wanted to get her stuff as quickly as possible, so she jumped out and ran to her front door. Sasha tentatively followed her while Sasha's dad waited in the car.

Mikasa's house was a fair bit larger and nicer than Sasha's. Sasha vaguely recalled Mikasa mentioning her father was a doctor. 

And the inside was much fancier. Sasha wandered around the foyer room while Mikasa went down a hallway.

A moment later, Sasha heard a door open, and then heard the cessation of noise.

“Mikasa?” said Sasha to the hall.

A blur and a rush of wind occurred. Sasha walked down the hall to where she last saw Mikasa. All the doors were closed save one, and that was because the wood around where the handle was was shattered.

Sasha pushed it open. Inside, Armin, wearing a bunny girl dress, was straddling Eren's crotch. Both of them stared, shell-shocked, at the door, faces red. From Sasha's point of view both of them had plausible dependability that they were wearing underwear, so Sasha decided to believe that they were.

“Oh.” said Sasha. It seemed red faces were infectious, because Sasha's tinted slightly as well, “Cute dress, Armin," she said lamely.

Armin unfroze and muttered a thank you to the wall. Eren still did nothing. Sasha backed out of the doorway and closed the door.

Mikasa was in her living room, limp on the couch. Sasha sat down next to her and shakily pulled out a granola bar and started eating it. "So that happened."

Mikasa didn't react.

Sasha took a bite from her morning snack. “I think you'd look good in a bunny girl dress too, Mikasa.”

Mikasa's face went beet red. Her eyes unfocused and she sunk into her scarf and mumbled something that would have been unintelligible even if she had said it loud enough to make out.

“I mean it! I'm sure you'd look amazing. You're very athletic.”

“That's- that's not what-” sputtered Mikasa. She sighed and full on pulled her scarf over her face. “Thank you,” she said. It was rather muffled.

“Uh, did I say something wrong? Sorry if I did.”

“N-no. That was perfect.” mumbled Mikasa.

“Oooo-kay.” Sasha took another bite of her granola bar. “So what all here did you need?”

 

//---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

At some point Eren and Armin emerged from their room, fully dressed (Armin had changed into what looked like some of Eren's old clothes). Mikasa made herself scarce as they did, so they muttered some apologies to Sasha, unable to make eye contact, and left the house. Sasha heard a garage door open and close and a car veer off.

But without that distraction, It didn't take too much time for Mikasa to gather up the clothes and toiletries she needed. Sasha thought nine sets of clothes was a bit much for a weekend stay, but maybe Mikasa liked being prepared. She gathered all her stuff in a pile which she started fitting into a duffle bag. Sasha thought one thing was a little off.

“You didn't bring any of your school supplies,” said Sasha.

“I didn't. What's the point of school?”

“Mikasa, _no._ I'm not going to let you throw your life away because of some dumb drama.

“But-”

Sasha put a hand on MIkasa's shoulder. Mikasa froze when she did. “C'mon," said Sasha, "Life's not over because of this. You still need school."

Mikasa nodded slightly. "Okay," she said.

Sasha grinned. "And besides; Annie's already the nihilistic one. What's she going to do if you start going full Kirkegaard?”

Mikasa apparently didn't get the reference, so Sasha just shrugged and gathered up Mikasa's textbooks and pencils and paper. And notes; just in case. Especially the AP Chemistry ones, as Sasha insisted.

 

 //----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

They returned later, at around 2:00 pm. Sasha's father retired to his study to start on some reports. Mikasa tried to sink into Sasha's living room couch. Her host was at the dinner table furiously transcribing Mikasa's AP Chem notes into her own notebook.

Mikasa had her phone plugged into a power squid that currently charged Sasha's phone. Mikasa never bothered with any games on it, but maybe she should start, now. Sasha seemed to think a typical weekend involved studying, which Mikasa found a little upsetting.

Sasha's phone buzzed. Mikasa looked over to Sasha, who didn't seem to notice.

“Um,” said Mikasa. She didn't want to violate Sasha's privacy again. Seemed to be a sore spot with her. "You got a text from someone.”

“Oh! Oh yeah. Could you bring that over here for me?”

Mikasa did so. She took a seat next to Sasha and looked over the notes she took those months ago. A week ago she was willing to fight Sasha so that she wouldn't copy her notes, and now she found she really didn't mind. Now that she realized she cared about what Sasha thought of her, a lot of the antagonism was out of her. But some of it still remained, and that it was also an excuse not to do work on a weekend was just a bonus.

“Oh!” said Sasha, texting something before slamming her phone shut, “I forgot to mention; the Ymir-Krista symbiote is sleeping over tonight. So we'll be having a formal sleepover party. Exciting, right?”

Mikasa's mouth flashed a smirk. “You know what a symbiote is: that's good.”

“Haha,” deadpanned Sasha, “Surprise: I can pay attention in Biology.”

“I- I didn't mean that sarcastically."

“Work on your tone of voice. Or just don't give compliments. You're really bad at them.”

Mikasa looked at the ground and blushed. “Sorry.”

Sasha giggled and playfully punched Mikasa's shoulder before turning back to the notes. 

Mikasa cleared her voice. “We call them the Yumikuri, actually.”

“Huh. Interesting portmanteau.”

“Yeah....”

Sasha returned to her note-scribbling. Mikasa took the opportunity to stare at Sasha's face. Some specks of granola bar lingered on her cheek. Mikasa found herself wanting to brush them off. She lifted her hand. She wondered what Sasha's face would feel like-

Mikasa looked away and cleared her throat. “So why'd you invite them over? Do they know I'm here?"

“Uh, yeah,” said Sasha. She chewed on the end of her pencil. “They sort of weedled it out of Eren. Is that okay? I could call it off if you want."

"N-no. That's fine." Mikasa sunk into her scarf. If they were here, maybe she'd be less apt to get into awkward situations. "But why'd you invite them?" she said. She didn't say 'Am I not enough of a guest?'

Sasha looked away with a grin of embarassment. "So you probably figured out by now that I'm not super good at entertaining guests. Like, I've had one sleepover ever. So I asked them to come over and help!" Sasha nibbled on her eraser again. "Or maybe they volunteered themselves and made it sound like my idea. Either way,”

“You did this for me?” Mikasa hoped her voice held steady.

“Well, yeah. I mean, you've been super bored since you got here, so I didn't want your weekend to suuuuck.” Sasha enunciated the last word comically. She started scribbling notes again. 

“Sasha, that's not true,” Mikasa scootched her chair closer to Sasha. “I've enjoyed every minute here.”

“Aww, thanks!” Sasha looked up briefly from he work with an unconvincing smile. “But I know that's a well-meaning lie, and I'm sure you'll have more fun once they're around. I mean, I saw you watched  _The Matrix Reloaded_ yesterday; you must be really desperate for entertainment."

Mikasa sunk into her scarf. "But I wanted to spend the weekend with you," she said.

Sasha turned to look at her, for the first time in this conversation. Her mouth was open in surprise. She suddenly burst out laughing.

"Ahaha, good one, Mikasa," said Sasha, goodnaturedly. She patted Mikasa's back. "Almost had me there."

Mikasa didn't reply. She found she couldn't.

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When Sasha saw a car pull up in the driveway she pushed her notes aside and ran out to her front yard. Up pulled an old-looking car. It was a little blockish, not like a lot of newer cars, and it had a faded paintjob and some dented fenders, and some duct-tape in the corner of the front windshield. Krista, laden with a large overnight bag, jumped out as soon as the car stopped, and Ymir emerged from the driver's seat a moment later.

Krista was dressed in a nice blouse and skirt combo. Her hair was done-up and she had noticeable amounts of make-up on; some reddish lipstick and eyeliner and appreciable blush. Ymir wore black leather pants and a white-button-down shirt capped with an elegant grey patterned scarf. She had sunglasses on.

“Hey-oo!” said Kirsta. She skipped over to Sasha and took the latter's hands in her own. “Sorry for the delay! Ymir can't read directions!”

“Hey, uh,” said Sasha, looking down at her t-shirt (complete with cereal stain) and sweatpants. “Were we supposed to dress up for this? I thought this was just a sleep-over.”

“Oh, no, Ymir and I were just in town, for, uh...”

“Shopping," stated Ymir. "We spent money on goods and services, and wanted to look good doing so.”

“Yes," stated Krista.

Ymir and Krista shared a look and giggled. Or at least, Krista giggled; Ymir smirked.

“Don't worry, we brought pajamas and our own sleeping bag too, for later.”

“Sound good,” said Sasha. She led them into her house. Mikasa straightened up and smoothed out her shirt. 

"So Annie's at some sort of martial arts competition and Mina's got a project in her community college class. Other than that, we didn't know any other girls."

"Oh, that's fine," said Sasha. She rounded everyone upstairs to her room and wondered how many people could fit in there.

"So how are you guys doing?" said Sasha, partway up the stairs.

"Pretty dang great," Krista said. She shot a smile to Ymir, who smiled back. 

The two of them filed into Sashas room. Ymir joked about the  _Man vs. Food_  poster, only to get elbowed by Krista. 

"We have some extra sleeping bags, besides the one Mikasa's using," said Sasha. She scrunched her face for a moment. "Did you say you only brought one?"

Krista laughed nervously, but before she could answer Mikasa stepped into the room. She put her hands behind her back and leaned into a corner.

"Hey Mikasa!" said Krista. "Missed you at the Rugby game yesterday."

"Yeah," said Mikasa to the wall.

"We actually lost a scrum for once. Reiner's a good replacement hooker, though, so it worked out."

"I heard we won," mumbled Mikasa, "And that Eren got three tries."

"Yeah, it was 34 - 5. Ymir got a try and I made some great passes."

"Oh. Cool."

An awkward silence resounded. Sasha coughed.

“Alright,” said Sasha, “What are we up for today?”

“Well,” said Krista, “There's a lot of sleepover things we could do.” She grinned manically, pulling a large box out of her bag.

Ymir lounged on Sasha's bed and looked like she was trying not to care. The tinges of a blush crept into her cheeks.

“So we brought twister...” said Krista, tapping the box.

“No. I would win.” stated Mikasa.

“Well, it's not really about who wins. It's about the experience.”

“That's a little intimate...” said Sasha.

“That's the point. It's a game to make friends!”

"Ummm," said Sasha, "Maybe we should work up to that? Like, in the next sleepover?"

"Alright, fiiiine," said Krista. She put the box back in her bag and pulled out her driver's license.

“Alcohol?” she said. Upon second look, the license in her hand said she was 21. Was she actually 21? Or was that a fake license?

“No.” stated Sasha.

“But-"

“No.” stated Mikasa. Sasha non-nonchalantly put a fist out towards Mikasa, who bumped it without looking. 

"Alright, that's understandable, considering legality and whatnot," Krista mumbled. Ymir mumbled something that sounded like 'told you so'. 

"Pillow fights?"

"I heard," said Mikasa, "That in professional pillow fights, the best way to win is to pin a pillow to someone's face and them punch them through the pillow."

Ymir and Sasha backed up a little. Krista pondered for a second before answering. "Sounds hilarious." she said. "Let's do it."

"No!" said Sasha and Ymir, clutching their faces. 

“Okay, then- and we have to do this one- spin the bottle!”

“What? Why?” said Sasha.

“'Cause it's funny.” said Krista. Her eyes betrayed whispers of deranged madness.

“It is also a staple party game.” said Ymir. She gave the outward appearance of sanity, but Sasha started to doubt.

“C'mon! You shut down all my other ideas!” whined Krista. Ymir mumbled something about knowing how that felt. Sasha considered what to say.

“Did you want my help or not?” said Krista.

Sasha glanced over to Mikasa, who had on her poker face. In other words, her regular face. It hadn't made as much of an appearance since she started staying over. Sasha was a little relieved to see it, even though she rather liked the new, emotionally-open Mikasa.

“Well, if everyone's okay with it?” said Sasha, trying to gauge what Mikasa thought, "I'd be down for doing one round."

"Aww, c'mon! We should do at least two rounds, so that statistically everyone gets to smooch."

"Alright, fine."

Sasha thought she saw Mikasa's mouth wobble. Krista's face lit up and she rummaged through her bag and procured an old-fashioned soda bottle.

“Well, look's like that's that,” said Ymir with a sideways smirk. 

“So I'll go first,” said Krista after everyone formed a circle on the ground. Sasha had to move Mikasa's sleeping bag into a corner to do so. She placed the bottle in the center and spun it around. 

It spun three full rotations and stopped on Ymir.

“So,” said Krista, smiling manically. “Guess we have to smooch.”

“I guess it can't be helped,” said Ymir. She wore a matching grin.

Krista puckered her face theatrically and looked at the ceiling. Ymir did so as well. Their lips bumped slightly and they backed away, laughing. 

"Oh, that's it?" said Sasha, relief spreading across her face. "I thought we'd have to kiss for real."

"Yeah, I don't think that counted." 

"Oh really? You think we should make out?"

"Seems fair," said Mikasa, who immediately after speaking pressed her mouth together and tried to look like she hadn't said anything.

Before Sasha could say anything, Krista jumped on Ymir's lap, wrapping her arms around the latter's neck. She looked into Ymir's trembling eyes and smiled and then closed her eyes and sucked Ymir's upper lip. Ymir moaned, opening her mouth enough for Krista to stick her tongue inside. Ymir brushed her hand from Krista's hip to the back of her head. She entwined her fingers in Krista's hair and gently pulled Krista's head back. Krista gasped, only for Ymir to nibble her lower lip and resume the smooch. They held each other, mouth's locked, before falling apart onto separate patches of the ground.

Ymir and Krista were both breathing heavily, both blushing, and both grinning mischievously. 

 "Oh. Um. Wow." said Sasha, her face tinted. She pulled a chocolate bar out of her pocket and started chewing it intently. Mikasa was wide-eyed, her mouth agape.

"Alright," said Krista, brushing the hair out of her eyes, "Mikasa's turn."

Mikasa turned red. "But Ymir's the next one, clockwise."

"But she already smooched someone, so she's out of the running. So you go."

Mikasa blushed harder. She eyed Sasha, who was really focused on her chocolate bar. 

"Okay," mumbled Mikasa. She grabbed the bottle and spun it gently.

The bottle spun slowly. It spun around three full times before it started slowing. It passed Mikasa and looked like it was going to stop at Sasha-

There was a blur, Mikasa tried to look nonchalant, and the bottle wobbled and turned another 3/4th of a circle, stopping on herself.

"Wait," said Sasha. "Does that mean she has to make out with herself?"

Ymir and Krista shared their signature look. "Sounds hilarious," said Krista, "So how are you going to manage that, Mikasa?"

Mikasa turned her back and put her left fist to her mouth and made comical smooching noises.

Ymir and Krista burst into laughter. Sasha guffawed in surprise and idly reached in her pocket for another candy bar.

Mikasa turned back, a sheepish blush on her face. She pulled her scarf over her mouth. She notably did not make eye contact with Sasha.

"Alright," enunciated Sasha, "So now lets do something less embarrassing."

...


	10. A YumiKuri Sleepover, pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Total fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin; Hajime Isayama does. 
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even correct basic knowledge of romance, politics, social issues, pizza toppings, the social or cultural value of movies, the biological basis for spiciness, or sleepovers. Especially sleepovers.
> 
> We interrupt this burgeoning romance to bring you four girls arguing about movies.
> 
> EDIT: HATE PROOFREADING BUT NOTE TO SELF: DO IT BEFORE POSTING

"S-so," said Sasha, in between bites of her chocolate bar. She was really hungry. "Who wants to watch a movie?"

Mikasa raised her hand. Ymir did so as well, still lying on her back. Krista got up and brushed herself off. Sasha couldn't make eye contact with her, but Krista shrugged and raised her hand. Since the vote was unanimous, Sasha turned on her laptop and started rummaging through a nearby box of DVDs.

"Hmm, laptop's a little small for four people," Sasha mumbled, "So don't get too cozy. Once I figure out what we'll watch we'll trek into the living room."

"Sasha's really big on movies," said Mikasa.

"Only the classic ones," snapped Sasha. "I don't rot my brain with drivel."

Mikasa stood up and moved next to Sasha. "I wasn't trying to be mean, Sasha," she said. She scootched over to Sasha and hugged her. Sasha decided to allow it. She grinned lopsidedly and raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry," said Mikasa softly.

"Aww, that's okay. I'm sorry for snapping at you." Sasha ruffled Mikasa's hair. Mikasa's eyes fluttered and she sunk into her scarf.

Krista had her hands over her face, her fingers apart where here eyes were. She had an open-mouthed smile and her eyes shimmered.

"What?" said Sasha.

"Nothing!" Krista smiled.

Sasha coughed. "So what movies do you all like?"

"Romance," said Ymir.

"Really?" said Sasha. "I wouldn't have thought you'd be a romance fan."

"I like spy thrillers," interrupted Krista, "Well, political thrillers, but there's not a lot of those around. So spies."

"And Mikasa likes, uh, action?" ventured Sasha.

Mikasa shrugged. "I'm fine with anything."

"Well," Sasha walked over to a cabinet. " _Sleepless in Seattle_? That's a classic. Good girl's night viewing, but no action or spying..."

Sasha mumbled some stuff to herself, sounding more and more frustrated as she went through. 

Mikasa chimed up. "You made a reference to a classic anime yesterday?" 

"Oh, _Evangelion_? I guess we have access to the movies with our online streaming stuff, but the series is where it's at," Sasha pulled out a box of DVDs with a blue-haired girl on it, "And that's like 13 hours of content. But we could do it if you want; You actually remind me of the female lead, Mikasa."

Krista caught sight of the box cover. "So is that, like, giant robots or something?"

"Uh, yeah, but's it's also about-"

"<Nerd!>" coughed Ymir.

Sasha frowned. "About the nature of interpersonal relationships-"

"<Nerd!>" coughed Krista. She and Ymir shared a giggle.

"13 hours is kind of long," mumbled Mikasa.

"And it's actually kind of depressing," said Sasha, "So maybe some other time."

Sasah rummaged through the box some more, tossing aside more and more DVD's. Action, Romance, and Politics? This would be easier if she could just recommend a book but reading side by side wasn't very fun, and she only had one copy of most of her books.

"Well," said Krista, "Ymir and I have more party games if you want-" 

"Ooo!" interjected Sasha, "What's your favorite  _Star Wars_  movie? They have action, a bit of romance, and even some politics. We have the whole collection. Even the prequels; I know people give them a lot of hate, but they're important to the context..."

“What's _Star Wars_?” said Ymir.

Sasha almost fell over. “What? It's, like, the original space-fantasy. How have you not heard of _Star Wars_?"

“So it's super nerdy,” said Krista.

“<Nerd!>” coughed Ymir.

"I-it's a classic hero's journey tale. Just with lasers and spaceships and robots."

"<Nerd!>" coughed Krista. She and Ymir shared a giggle.

“Stop doing that! It's good. I mean, a lot of later films and books refined and improved upon the original ideas, but,-”

“But it's story was exciting and original," said Ymir.

"Well, it was in part based on Yoshizawa's  _Hidden Fortress_ -" Sasha scratched the back of her head.

“But the effects and cinematography were way ahead of its time?” said Krista.

“Not exceptionally-”

"When was it made?" said Krista.

"'70's," said Sasha. She turned the DVD case around. "Yep, 1977."

"So it's kind of old..."

"Is that bad?"

“I don't know- old media wasn't very good about women," said Krista. Ymir pursed her lips and looked at the wall. "Would it be a good girl's night showing? "

"Well, ok, fair point, but lack of diversity shouldn't  _necessarily_ prevent one from enjoying something. We can watch  _Frozen_ or something later."

“How many women with speaking roles does it have?” said Krista.

“Uhh, two?” said Sasha, “One main character's a woman, though, so more diverse than a lot of stuff.”

“How many main characters are there total?”

“Like, seven, I think?”

“So not very good then," Krista concluded.

“Well, they were going to add another female character, but they decided to combine the protagonists's sister and love interest in to the same character.”

Mikasa's head perked up, and then tried to look like she didn't just do that. She sunk into her scarf, but she eyed Sasha expectantly.

“They resolved it by the end, though. She became someone else's love interest.”

Mikasa slumped back down. Krista moved a frown around her face.

"C'mon, Krista," said Ymir, "I think you can table politics for a night for Sasha's favorite nerd movie.

"It's- it's not my  _favorite,"_ began Sasha, "But yeah, let's watch the first one."

Sasha allowed her smile to grow as she led her guests into the living room. After she sat them down she excused herself for a moment to check down on her father down the hall. 

She knocked on her dad's study's door and received a 'come on in'. She did so.

"Hey kiddo," said Sasha's dad as he leaned back in his chair, "Just finishing up e-mailing suppliers. And checking some blogs, but you know. How's the party going?"

"Good, I think?" said Sasha. "I'm not too experienced in this thing. We're going to watch _A New Hope_ now, though."

"Oh really? That's awesome."

"Yeah, Krista and Ymir haven't seen any of them. You wanna watch too?"

"Naw," Sasha's father rubbed his stubble, "You don't want a geezer like me in your party. In fact," he closed his laptop and stood up, "I think I'll check in on the store today. Do inventory early this week, and let you girls have some privacy for your party."

"W-what? Why would we need privacy?"

Concern flashed across his face. "Is something wrong?"

"Not exactly," said Sasha, "But Krista and Ymir seem to be more, uh, social, than me. Nothing bad, not really, but I'm not too used to their style of partying, I guess."

"Well," said her dad, "Don't be afraid to put your foot down, y'know? It's fine to try things outside your comfort zone, but if you don't want to do something just let them know. If they're you're friends they shouldn't have a problem with it. Nothing wrong with a quiet evening watching movies." He scrunched his face. "But if you want me to stick around just in case, I'd be happy to."

"No, it's not  _that_ bad. I'm just- just a little outside my comfort zone, like you said."

"Well, all the more reason for me to skedaddle, then. Mother birds teach their babies to fly by pushing them out of the nest, y'know?" They shared a chuckle. "But seriously, if anything happens, just give me a call. And you know where the money is for dinner- I put some extra there for your guests."

"Aw, you won't be joining us for dinner?"

He patted his stomach. "I've still got lunch digesting here. And the Chinese food place is in the same complex. I'll bring you a fortune cookie."

Sasha returned to the living room. Ymir and Krista took one side of the couch and were currently engaged in some contest of crossed limbs and armrest access. After turning on everything, putting in the DVD and grabbing the remote Sasha had to sidle up intimately next to Mikasa to avoid an errant foot. She didn't see Mikasa's mouth flatten and she didn't think anything when Mikasa tentatively put her arm around her shoulder. Sasha pushed play on her remote and the screen filled with stars.

"I thought you said you were putting in the first one. Why does this say episode 4?"

"Because this  _is_ the first one. Now shush, it's starting..."

 

//-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After the credits started rolling, Sasha looked expectantly at her guests. 

"Huh. That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," said Krista.

"I liked the princess character. Didn't expect her to be so action-y," said Ymir.

"Yeah, but the rebel princess is a trope in its own right," said Krista.

"But not in the 70's. I don't think," said Ymir. She turned to Sasha. "Is she this awesome in the next movies?"

"Yes. Well, mostly; in episode six she gets briefly forced into a slave girl outfit but she still kills a bunch of aliens and stuff."

Ymir's mouth wobbled slightly and she took a second to respond. "And you said this was called  _Star Wars_?"

Sasha nodded. Ymir and Krista started whispering something to each other, and Mikasa looked liked she was about to say something, but then Sasha's stomach growled. Loudly. Loud enough to make everyone look at her.

"So, uh who wants to order a pizza?" said Sasha. "And by that, I mean, if I order some pizzas, do you want to get some too? We could also get other takeout."

"Pizza's good," said Krista. "You want pizza Ymir?"

"Sure."

"But you're such a great cook, Sasha," said Mikasa.

"Yeah, but I'm hungry  _now."_

Mikasa frowned at the ground. Krista looked at her and then smiled and raised her eyebrows briefly. "Sasha," she said, "I think Mikasa wants you to cook for her.

MIkasa's mouth wobbled slightly. "No!" she stated. She then turned to Sasha, and then to the ground. "I mean, uh, yes, but only if you want to, Sasha."

"Aww," said Sasha, "I'll be happy to make us dinner tomorrow. But let's get some pizza tonight." 

MIkasa nodded and smiled slightly.

"Wow," said Krista, "How'd you train her so good?" Mikasa glared at her.

"What?" said Sasha. "What do you mean, 'train' her?"

"She's normally totally frigid. You got her all blushy and nice and stuff."

"No~," said Sasha. "Mikasa was always nice. She just didn't know she was. Isn't that right Mikasa?"

"Y-yeah," said Mikasa, having been taken off guard.

"It's weird that you changed her so much, is all Krista's saying," said Ymir.

"Oh," said Sasha. She cogitated for a bit. "Yeah, that'd be pretty bad. So Mikasa, don't do anything you don't want to do, okay?"

Mikasa smiled sheepishly. "No problem," she mumbled.

There was an awkward silence. Krista was the first to break it. "I think I'd like a Mediterranean Pizza, if that's an option," she said. "Where did you intend to order from?" 

"So Mikasa," interrupted Ymir, "You gonna take your left hand out to dinner, or you want in on our pizza?"

Mikasa sunk into her scarf and blushed.

"Hey," said Sasha, "I think we'd all just like to forget that whole affair never happened."

Krista smirked maliciously. "That whole  _affair_?"

"Krista, no." said Sasha.

"That whole secret affair Mikasa's having with her left hand?" giggled Krista.

"Every night she sneaks out to a hotel to have some nice tender loving with old lefty."

"She brings some scented candles and some bubble bath mix. Orders fancy room service. Puts on a romantic movie."

Mikasa had her poker face on, but Sasha scrunched her face, forming something that resembled a sort of frown. "Hey, Krista, Ymir, don't tease her. That's not nice."

"Aw c'mon," said Ymir, "We were all thinking it."

"Teasing is a very important part of of forming social bonds," quoted Krista. "It's a way to indirectly show playful affection through subtle, nonverbal cues."

"Teasing is also fun," said Ymir.

Sasha frowned harder. She didn't want to admit part of her agreed. "Just- just _directly_ show playful affection then." Sasha remembered the spin the bottle session and blushed. "Or- or maybe tone down the directness. And affection," Sasha took a breath to refresh her resolve. "But there's jokes you can tell that aren't so mean spirited. So- so just stop, okay?"

Mikasa looked at Sasha with an expression Sasha had never seen before. A bit of amazement, maybe, with some happiness and gratitude.

“But Sasha,” said Krista, “there's so many more 'left hand' jokes we can make!”

“No buts! I mean it!”

"More like, uh, no butts. Like, as in ana-"

Sasha bit the inside of her cheek. “Krista, can you elbow Ymir for me?”

Krista did so immediately, with a wicked grin on her face. Ymir flinched but didn't dodge in time. Krista giggled; Ymir didn't.

“Now please,” said Sasha. She stuffed another granola bar into her mouth, “Lets stop talking about that.”

Krisa sighed theatrically. “Fine.”

"So who want' what on their pizza?"

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After Sasha placed the order for the pizza she walked back into the living room to find that Krista was critiquing the racial diversity in the movie with Ymir, with Mikasa chiming in sometimes.

“So you're pretty political, huh Krista?” ventured Sasha.

“Oh, you think so?”

"Well, you wanted to watch a movie with gender parity in the roles." 

"The entertainment we consume affects our views, especially when we're younger."  

“And, there's the whole race thing you're going on about right now."

“That's a global issue,” she said, "It's something every good citizen should be concerned about."

“And all the times in class you decry the 'villianization of female sexuality'."

“That is also a global issue.”

“And you're always going on about LGBT issues and stuff."

“LGBTQ. And do you expect me to just sit back and let you people perpetuate a cycle of disenfranchisement?"

"I'm not making fun of you or anything. I'm just trying to make small talk," stuttered Sasha.

“Well,” Krista softened a bit, “My dad's a congressman. Maybe I get it from him."

“Oh, cool. So what's your mom do?"

Ymir made a frown and made a sawing motion over her throat with the her hand.

“She's a prostitute,” said Krista.

“Ah,” Sasha looked to the side. Ymir facepalmed. Mikasa had on her pokerface; so much for some help there. “Your dad must be be a pretty open-minded person to marry a prostitute.”

“My parents aren't married,” stated Krista. She had on her own poker face, and it was almost as good as Mikasa's.

Sasha's voice cracked a little the next time she spoke. Ymir's face devolved into a shocked grimace.

“I'm sorry. It must have been hard when they split up."

“My parents were never married.”

“Oh! That's a relief. I know some people don't believe in marriage. But don't they need some legal thing for, like, child-rearing purposes and stuff?”

Ymir fell over. Sasha thought she might have fainted.

"My parents aren't together, and never were," intoned Krista.

Sasha was completely lost by this point. "Bu- then- uh..."

Ymir regained consciousness and glared at Sasha. “ _Dude shut up,”_ she said through gritted teeth.

Krista's poker face did not waver. “I was not an intentional birth,” she said.

Sasha opened her mouth to try to say something; an apology, maybe, or perhaps just an 'oh'. No words came out, but Krista seemed to pick up on what she was trying to say.

“It's cool. I got over it a while ago, and he pays me a lot to keep quiet about it. I live alone, so I don't have to see either of them.”

"And no, she's not going to tell you which congressman he is," said Ymir.

Krista elbowed Ymir again. The doorbell rang as Ymir protested that she was trying to help, and Sasha politely excused herself, only letting the relief show on her face after she entered the hallway.

Sasha wondered if she should mention her mother's recent death. She vaguely recalled something about empathy through shared situations. Or maybe she was supposed to not do that, because then it was shifting the focus to herself. And she didn't really want any of them to pity her or anything. That'd just be awkward...

She came back into a room with another awkward silence, but this time with six pizza boxes, a bag of paper plates and plastic cups and a liter of cola. She spread them out on the living room coffee table and stacked three slices of sausage and green pepper pizza and morphed them down. 

"Sorry if I was out of line there, Krista," enunciated Sasha through her pizza.

"Eh," shrugged Krista, "It's a thing. 's'not like there's anything to be gained from denying it."

Krista quietly stared at her pizza, and Ymir stared at the wall. Mikasa stared nervously from person to person through the entire exchange, and now was the most active member of the group.

"S-so, Ymir," said Sasha, "What's your family's story? If you don't mind me asking."

Carp, thought Sasha. That's exactly what she shouldn't have done with Krista. Sasha had wondered if she should talk about how weird the word 'pizza' was, but she opted for something else instead.

"I don't mind," said Ymir, "It's nothing too weird: Krista's got the prize for family awkwardness."

Krista elbowed Ymir again, knocking the wind out of her. Ymir chortled for a few moments before resuming her story. "I was born in Bangladesh. Family immigrated here when I was at the tail end of middle school.”

“Oh really? But you hardly have an accent at all!”

“Thank you.” Ymir smiled. “Though I think getting used to the food here was harder than learning the language. None of your 'spicy' food is spicy enough."

“You think so?” Sasha raised an eyebrow, “Well the pizza did come with way too many packets of chili pepper flakes. I can usually handle three or four.”

Ymir matched expressions with Sasha. “You wanna make this a contest?”

Sasha switched seats to be next to Ymir and pulled over the box of pepperoni pizza- the plainest one of the set they had ordered- and pulled a slice out a plate. Ymir did the same, and they both grabbed a handful of pepper packets.

Mikasa appeared next to them and grabbed a handful of packets too.

"Oh, Mikasa, you like spicy food as well?" said Sasha.

Mikasa shrugged. 

"You just wanted to feel included?" smirked Ymir.

Mikasa blushed.

"Well, let's get started then," said Ymir. "Krista you want to referee?"

"You're all crazy," said Krista. "But sure thing." She put her hand in the air, and then brought it down dramatically. "First packet!"

Ymir ripped open a packet and poured it all on her pizza. Sasha and Mikasa followed suit, though Mikasa did so a little more cautiously.

"Second packet!"

Sasha was the first to grab the second one, repeating the process Ymir started.

"Third packet!..."

After the fifth packet, the pepper flakes started piling in the middle and avalanching off the side.

"What happens if the pepper falls off the pizza?" asked Sasha.

"You funnel the plate into your mouth," said Krista. 

"So when do you want to stop, Sasha?"

"You scared?"

"No, but I don't know if this counts as pizza anymore. And I'd like to save some for round two."

Mikasa stared at her pile of Chile pepper flakes and gulped, peeking at Sasha through the corner of her eye. 

"Judge, are we ready?"

"Sure. On your marks! Aaaaand Eat!"

Sasha expertly stuffed the whole pizza in her mouth. A lot of the pizza covered the peppers, so a lot of it didn't reach her tongue or get up in her sinuses, which was her main concern. Maybe it was cheating a little, but Sasha figured she'd be able to eat more pizza this way. And she'd ask Ymir to clarify when she inevitably made it to the next round.

And she definitely would; Ymir's cheeks were a little flushed and her eyes a little watery but she chewed her slice without any hesitation. She wasn't as fast at eating as Sasha, so Sasha decided to use that to her advantage, finishing her entire slice before the pepper had time to sink in on her tongue.

Sasha swallowed one last time and stuck out her tongue towards Ymir, confirming she had eaten her first slice.

"Woah, food's for savoring, you know," said Krista.

Sasha almost responded but then a horrible gurgling sound came from the direction Mikasa was in.

Mikasa was doubled over, choking on her mountain of chile peppers. Her face was red and her eyes were watering and unfocused. She chortled and coughed and made other dying noises.

Sasha paled as she jumped up with a napkin and landed next to MIkasa, an arm stretched out to slap her back. Mikasa froze after two coughs and Sasha did as well.

“Are you okay?” said Sasha. She wasn't sure why she said that: it was very obvious Mikasa wasn't. Maybe she just hoped Mikasa was okay. 

Mikasa nodded and held up a hand. She was still doubled over and didn't make eye-contact with Sasha.

Sasha held the napkin under Mikasa's chin. "Spit out your food."

Mikasa's eyes widened and she shook her head vigorously.

"You're choking, Mikasa. Spit out the food in your mouth so you can cough up the bits."

Mikasa tried to push Sasha away. She shook her head again and tried to compose herself. She failed.

“Ok then? Swallow for me, if you're not choking.” said Sasha. Ymir mumbled something into Krista's ear that made her snort. Mikasa's throat flexed and she started coughing again.

Sasha ran into the kitchen and grabbed a clean glass of water, sticking the glass under the faucet and turning it on full blast. Water sprayed onto her shirt, unnoticed, and Sasha ran back into the living room, spilling no small amount of water on her pants as she did. She put a half-filled glass of water to Mikasa's lips and helped Mikasa tilt her head back to take a sip from it. 

Mikasa's coughing fit subsided, and Sasha breathed an audible sigh of relief. 

“This used to happen to me all the time,” said Sasha to the air. "Apparently you have to chew your food," she said in complete seriousness.

Mikasa tried to laugh, which didn't help her choking problem. Sasha rushed the glass of water up to Mikasa's mouth again, helping her drink.

After several attempts, Mikasa finished all the water and appeared completely ok. Not good, but not dying either; She stared at Sasha, her face red and her eyes wide and watery. Her mouth twitched. She must still be suffering from the effects of the Chile pepper flakes.

"So milk has some enzymes or something that help with the spicyness..." pondered Sasha aloud. 

"Nngh," grunted Mikasa, sweat beading on her forehead, "I just wasn't expecting it. I'm f-fine. T-this is nothing."

"You're gonna feed her milk?" said Krista. She had her hands over her eyes again, so that she was peeking through the cracks in her fingers. She had the most manic grin on her face. 

"I- I'm lactose intolerant," said Mikasa.

"She doesn't want to get explosive diarrhea at your house, Sasha," smirked Ymir. Krista elbowed her. Sasha made an embarrassed face.

"Oh! Uh, limes and tomatos help too," said Sasha to the wall. 

Sasha extracted herself from around Mikasa (who protested slightly) and rummaged through the pantry for some sort of food that absorbed oil. She returned with a lime and a loaf of wheat bread.

Mikasa's condition had worsened in the previous couple minutes; her face was visibly sweaty and she was hyperventilating through her mouth in an attempt to cool it. Ymir was laughing viciously and Krista was pretending not to laugh. Sasha sat down next to Mikasa and pulled the girl into her lap.

"Bread helps absorb the spiciness, so try to swish it around your mouth," explained Sasha. 

It was hard to tell what face Mikasa was making, but she opened her mouth, expectantly and wordlessly.

Sasha tore a chunk of bread off and placed it in Mikasa's mouth. Mikasa chewed it obediently and, when she was done, opened her mouth to receive another chunk from Sasha.

At some point Sasha absentmindedly took a bite of the bread she was feeding Mikasa. Krista made some sort of 'ah' sound, which was how Sasha realized she did so. 

After the bread was gone, Sasha expertly split the lime open. "So this may be a bit sour, but try to suckle on the skin, okay?"

Mikasa nodded. Krista whispered something in Ymir's ear that caused them both to laugh. 

Mikasa flinched as the lime hit her tongue but afterwards did as Sasha instructed. Sasha helped herself to the other half of the lime.

Eventually, even though her face was still flushed, Mikasa insisted her mouth was better. Sasha breathed a small sigh of relief.

"So Ymir, you want to do round two?"

"Nah," said Ymir, "Nothing I'd do would beat this show." She gestured towards Sasha and Mikasa.

Sasha realized that, with Mikasa across her lap, her neck nestled in the crook of Sasha's elbow, Sasha was effectively cradling Mikasa. Mikasa was spellbound; staring up at Sasha's face. 

"Huh," said Sasha, stuffing some pizza in her mouth. "Awkward. Well anyway, do you want to get up now, Mikasa?"

"Never," whispered Mikasa.

"Huh? What did you say?"

"Y-yes," said Mikasa. She rolled off of Sasha's lap and brushed herself off while looking at the wall.

Sasha giggled to herself. "Hey, hey," she said, "So I guess you bit off more than you could chew, eh Mikasa?"

Krista and Ymir broke into laughter. Even Mikasa chuckled.

"See? Teasing's not so bad, huh?" said Krista.


	11. A YumiKuri Sleepover, final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rest of Krista, Ymir, Sasha, and Mikasa's sleepover.
> 
> Contains smooching and relationship status change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Attack on Titan. Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of relationships, abusive relationships, autism spectrum disorder, discovering sexuality, asexuality, George R. R. Martin's _A Song of Ice and Fire_ series, incest animes, food animes, and pizza. Especially, well, pretty much all of that.
> 
> Also, character views do not necessarily represent the author's views, or healthy, informed, or correct viewpoints.

Mikasa closed her eyes. She could still feel Sasha's warmth around her shoulder, still remember her gentle smile and the concern in her eyes. She almost forgot the burning in her mouth, which still persisted despite Sasha's attempts.

Then Sasha took Mikasa's hand in hers. It was warm, though a little greasy, and Mikasa could feel some Chile flakes on them. MIkasa she hoped she contained her surprise when it happened.

“I didn't mean to make fun of you,” said Sasha, “You're still really cool and smart and athletic and it turns out you can actually be nice! I like that."

“O-oh,” said Mikasa lamely. Was that the best she could do? Surely she could do better. She stared at her foot as she kicked it against the side of the couch. “Thanks. W-why do you say this now?” she mumbled.

“Well apparently we tease each other to get to know each other," said Sasha. Mikasa was still preoccupied with her foot, which was why Sasha giving her a hug surprised her so much. Before she realized it was Sasha, Mikasa instinctively tried to pull away but eventually returned the gesture as best she could. "But we've moved beyond that, right? Now that we're friends, there's no need to indirectly show affection because of, of- Krista, why did you say we tease each other again?"

"Fear," said Krista. "Fear and embarrassment. And social awkwardness." 

"Because _you're_ socially awkward,” smiled Ymir. She rubbed Krista's hair.

"Hey, you,” Krista rubbed Ymir's face. Like, affectionately; she began at the cheek and ran downwards to the chin.

Mikasa tried to do the same thing, and she got as far as the cheek touch before Sasha noticed.

"Do I have food on my face?" said Sasha. She grabbed a napkin and began dabbing at her mouth, idly swatted Mikasa's hand away in the process.

Mikasa shirked back. She pushed her hands in her lap and squared her shoulders to hide her cheeks in her scarf. 

“So I'ma go change my clothes," said Sasha, "And I guess I'll shower; It was about time to get in pajamas anyway,”

Mikasa almost asked why, but then looked to see that Sasha's shirt was soaked. They were almost translucent...

Mikasa looked at the ground. She shouldn't be thinking like that. She shouldn't be thinking of Sasha that way. Besides, if she really wanted to see that sort of stuff she could just wait until-

No! Bad. Nope. No no no. Mikasa resisted the urge to swat at her head and tried to think of Baseball. That was next season; did she have any reason to join now that she and Eren were estranged? 

When Mikasa stopped shaking her head, she realized Sasha had left for the upstairs. Mikasa could make out her footsteps if she concentrated. And Krista and Ymir appeared on either side of her, wearing matching devil grins.

Mikasa glowered. “What are you doing?”

Krista danced where she sat. “Yooooouuu like her.”

Mikasa contained her blush. Or at least she thought she did. “Sh-she's my only friend now.”

“No, we mean you _like_ like her,” said Ymir.

Krista repeatedly poked Mikasa in the stomach playfully. “Sasha and Mikasa sittin' in a tree-”

Mikasa scowled. She decided she liked it better when Krista was afraid of her. Her eyes wide and her teeth barred, she grabbed Krista's hand and lurched her face towards Krista, stopping right before their noses made contact. Krista didn't have time to flinch. “Stop that,” growled Mikasa.

Krista freed her hand and smirked insufferably. “Oh no, look's like big bad Mikasa's back.”

“Aww, I liked the new Mikasa,” joked Ymir.

“Maybe she needs more Sashas.”

“:Beep: Sasha meter low: please refill:” whirred Ymir. Krista and Ymir broke into a fit of laughter.

Mikasa mellowed at that thought. Which just gave Krista an opening. “So anyway,” Krista coughed, and then pantomimed poking Mikasa (rather than actually touching her) “Yooooou like her.”

Mikasa waved her hands “Why are you two even here?” snapped Mikasa.

“Comic relief.” Ymir put a finger up matter-of-factly.

“Literally. Sasha wanted us to come over to help cheer you up, because she didn't think she'd do a good enough job. I think she was wrong, for the record; you seem to be doing fine in her arms.”

Mikasa cogitated. Sasha went through all that trouble for her? And this was back on Friday, when Sasha thought Mikasa hated her, even. Sasha...

“Really? I thought that was all your idea, Krista.”

“Hmm, maybe. No, wait, I remember now: Sasha lamented her inability to sleepover, so she asked for our expertise.”

“More like we volunteered it.” Ymir crossed her arms and leaned back onto the couch.

“No we didn't; it was all Sasha's idea: it's sweeter this way.” Krista reached over across Mikasa and booped Ymir's nose.

“That's it,” chortled Ymir, “C'mere you.” Ymir pounced on Krista, going straight for her sides, uncaring that Mikasa was in the way. Krista squealed as she was tickled, and Mikasa had to forcibly extract herself from the pile.

Mikasa brushed herself off and became aware of the upstairs shower running. Sasha was bathing...

“But for seriously, Mikasa,” interrupted Krista, regaining her breath after seemingly having lost the tickle fight. Mikasa almost flinched. "How do you feel about Sasha?”

Mikasa sunk into her scarf. “I- I already told you. She's a friend.”

“But it's obvious that's not all. You like her.”

Mikasa tried to refresh her poker face. She failed. “N-no. That'd be weird.”

“What I want to know," Ymir said, "is why she's suddenly your friend when you spent almost four weeks vigorously trying not to be.”

Krista put her finger to Ymir's lips and shot her a disgruntled look. Krista turned to Mikasa. “What's so weird about it?”

Mikasa visibly shook, and wondered how mad Sasha would be if she committed double homicide in her living room.

“Alright then,” said Ymir, “Answer my question instead: What's up with all this when it seemed like you hated her this whole time?”

Mikasa turned to look at the wall. “She grew on me.” she stuttered. “Yeah, I didn't like her at first, but, um...”

“You liked the attention?”

Mikasa bit her lip and didn't say anything.

“You've got a thing for food too?”

Mikasa scowled.

“Then what?”

Mikasa cogitated. “She was persistent," she said eventually, "The only one who was.”

Krista frowned tremendously. “Seriously? You've been pushing people away since middle school and _now_ you're saying it was all because you were too socially awkward to just ask for friends?”

Mikasa's face grew forlorn. “I didn't need anyone. I had- I had my family.”

Krista rolled her eyes and crossed her arms and pouted. Ymir rubbed the blonde's head and turned to Mikasa. “And then you ran away from home.”

Mikasa nodded, her poker face refreshed.

“So you're just settling for Sasha now that you alienated everyone who ever loved you? It  _really_ sounds like you're just using her, or at least just settling for her because you ran out of options."

Mikasa's eyes widened and she shook her head. “N-no,” she mumbled. “I really do like her.”

“Really? It didn't seem that way last Thursday."

Mikasa remembered the prank she pulled on Sasha four days ago and tried to sink into her scarf. “That was teasing. Because fear. And social awkwardness.”

Ymir laughed. Krista did not. “Touche. I guess you're sincere. Just really bad at showing it. " Krista folded her arms across her chest. Mikasa stared at her hands. Krista leaned in and raised her eyebrows. "So do you have romantic feelings for Sasha?"

Then the sound of the upstairs shower ceased. Mikasa refreshed the sternness in her demeanor. She sat up more rigidly and her face settled back into its familiar passive non-expression.

"Better make it quick," said Ymir. 

"I don't have to tell you anything," stated Mikasa.

"C'mon, Mikasa," whined Krista, "Wasn't the whole point of this sleepover so we could be friends? We're not going to make fun of you if you say yes." Krista glanced askew and mumbled the last part. "We might be able to help, even." 

Mikasa stared at her knees. Krista was probably right; at the very least, Sasha wouldn't want her guests to be enemies by the end of the night. She could at least try to be nicer to Krista. Even though she was pushy and nosy and annoying and didn't seem to like her since middle school.

Krista looked expectantly at Mikasa, who opened her mouth and couldn't say anything.

Mikasa tried again. Hadn't she already figured this out? Sasha wasn't supposed to be someone she was romantically interested in. So why was it so hard to say aloud? Especially since it would shut Krista and Ymir up. 

There was a creak of a door opening, followed by another and then the slam of a door closing. 

"I-I don't know," said Mikasa. 

Krista gave a theatrical sigh and Ymir shrugged. Both of them seemed like they could be content with that answer, but Mikasa couldn't tell. Not that Mikasa cared what they thought. 

 Sasha walked down in her pajamas, orange and patterned in teddy-bears. Ymir complimented her on them, maybe ironically, but Sasha decided to interpret it sincerely. Sasha's hair was still damp and she was mussing it with a small towel. 

"So we have two bathrooms, though only one on the second floor. Feel free to use either one if you want to shower before you get changed," Sasha gestured towards Krista and Ymir.

"Get changed?" said Ymir.

"Unless you sleep in button-down shirts and leather pants," said Sasha. Mikasa snorted and then pretended she didn't.

"Har har. But it's only 8:00. What are we doing for the rest of the night?"

"Well, I usually do homework or read a book or visit my dad's convenience store. It's in this little shopping center so we can also eat Chinese food, make fliers, and browse through donated clothes."

"Yeah, hanging outside convenience stores at night," said Ymir, "Smoking, drinking, vandalizing cars. Classic teenager stuff. Let's do it."

"Except my father would be right there, so no. Also, why would you want to do any of that?"

"I though you were an AP student, Ymir," said Mikasa.

"I was just saying stuff." Ymir stretched her arms above her head. "I mean, how else do you hang out at a convenience store?"

"I work there sometimes, actually." Sasha shrugged, "I guess it's a family store now."

"Now? How long has it been in your family?"

"Uh, about four weeks." Sasha mumbled.

"So you bought it and moved here?" said Krista.

"Yeah."

"Any reason you wanted to move to our little town of Maria out of all places?"

"Yeah," said Sasha. She attempted her best impression of Mikasa and looked at the wall. "It's-it's where my mom grew up."

Krista and Ymir shared a panicked look. Mikasa was about to ask about it but Krista and Ymir unsubtly tried to change the subject. By making fun of Mikasa, of course.

"So you're moved in, Mikasa?” said Ymir snidely.

“Yes,” intoned Mikasa. 

"How long are you intending to stay here?"

Now it was Mikasa's turn to lead the room in staring at the wall in awkward silence.

Krista elbowed Ymir, who let out a pained 'oof'. Krista cleared her throat. "So it's a little weird," she said, "that you're playing the big sister role, Sasha,"

"Yeah," said Ymir, "Would have figured Mikasa to play that part, considering how she is with Eren."

"Well, maybe that's it: Mikasa wants a change of pace and find's it so nice to be coddled by Sasha-nee-san."

Mikasa blushed and waved her hands in the air in front of her, but didn't verbally protest. 

Sasha shot the most bemused look to Krista. "Excuse me, 'Sasha-nee-san?' Weren't you just calling me a nerd for liking Anime?"

"Liking anime's not nerdy. Liking giant robots is.  _Nerd._ " Krista stuck her tongue out facetiously.

Sasha decided to let the antagonism slide and try her hand at changing the conversation. "So what's your favorite anime, Krista?"

"Oooo," said Krista, "I think I gotta say  _The Last Airbender."_

Sasha made a face. "One; that's not anime. Two, how is that not nerdy? That's literally magic martial arts."

Krista stuck out her tongue again. "But it's all based in real mythology and disciplines, so it's cool."

"So you don't actually watch anime?"

"I do. So for reals, I gotta say, uh, hmm." said Krista, " _Sailor Moon's_ probably a bit cliche..."

"< _Simoun >,_"  coughed Ymir. Krista reddened and elbowed her.

" _Princess Tutu_!" stuttered Krista. "Great soundtrack. Good message. Nice dub."

Sasha wondered how rich she would be if she had a nickle for every time she chose to ignore something this weekend, but Krista and Ymir had a weird dynamic. "And Ymir?"

Ymir scratched the back of her head. "I gotta say  _Ruroni Kenshin_. I liked how Kenshin was a pacifist in a war-torn state. The setting was pretty cool too."

Sasha mentally went through her internal movie catalog to remember other warring states period movies set in Japan. Maybe it'd be good to watch one or two tonight.

"Aaaaand," said Krista, looking at the last member of the group. What's your favorite anime, Mikasa?" said Krista.

Mikasa's mouth wobbled. "Uh-" she sputtered.

"Oh, is it something embarrassing?" 

"N-no," lied Mikasa. Her face reddened.

"Oooh, that's a yes," giggled Krista, "Now, what kind of anime brings a blush to stoic old Mikasa?"

"Hey, what did I say about teasing?" said Sasha.

"I bet it's something like _Nakaimo_ or _Marmalade Boy_."

Before Sasha could ask about any of that, Mikasa jumped out of her seat, putting Krista into something that wasn't quite a choke hold hold, grabbing Krista's mouth and holding her up. 

"How did you know about that," gritted Mikasa.

"It was a secret?" said Ymir.

Krista freed herself from Mikasa's grip. "It's not like it was hard to tell."

"You knew this whole time." Mikasa's arms went limp.

"So those were incest animes, right?" asked Sasha.

"Sh'yeah." Krista inched away from Mikasa.

"H-hey," said Sasha, waving her hands as destractingly as she could. "Who wants to guess what my favorite anime is?"

"Oh that's easy." said the Krista half of the symbiotic.

"Some food porn moeshit," said the other half.

"Like _gourmet girl graffiti_."

"Close up shots of cute girls sensually eating food."

"You know you like it."

"W-what?" said Sasha, her face reddening. "Is- is that a thing?"

"Oh, look at her pretending like she doesn't know."

Mikasa stood up and walked over to a book. Later she would explain that she was trying to change the conversation again in this cavalcade of awkward moments.

Sasha cleared her throat and tried to regain composure and change the subject again, because that wasn't attempted enough. Mikasa made it look so easy. "Actually, I really liked the story and art style of-"

The sound of a book avalanche interrupted her train of though. In a corner, Mikasa was partially buried in a pile of books, trying not to look embarrassed. 

"Oh no Mikasa," said Sasha, relieved at having an out to the conversation. She walked over to the corner of the room and helped Mikasa out of the book pile and started re-shelving the books.

Sasha paused when she picked up one book, staring at it for a moment. She liked to read, but didn't have enough copies for four people (maybe two though, if they wanted to split into pairs and share). Reading outloud was a lot slower, but she had a lot of practice enunciating.

"Ooo!" said Sasha. "I know something, I can read you a book series you all would like!"

"Nooo~," whined Krista, "Not books."

Ymir similarly groaned.

"Oh c'mon, it's got all the stuff you said you like. It's a political thriller. Like, legitimately." Krista raised an eyebrow. 

"And," began Sasha. She considered what she was about to say, but technically it wasn't a lie. "There's romance. And a lot of frivolous sexual attraction, but there's- well, there's a wedding scene later on."

"Is there any action?" said Krista.

"It skips over a lot of battle scenes, but there's some." 

Krista hummed in contemplation, which Sasha interpreted as approval. 

Sasha tucked the book under her arm and moved back to take a seat on the couch next to Mikasa, smiling at her playfully. "And there's incest. Lots of it."

Mikasa's face reddened and she broke eye contact with Sasha and she sunk into her scarf. "I'd like to hear you read, so I vote yes, but not for - for _that_ reason," she mumbled.

Sasha giggled triumphantly. "So it's decided?"

"We're just going to sit here and listen to you read?" groaned Krista.

Ymir rubbed Krista's head. "Hey, I think it could be fun." 

"Alright!" said Sasha. She sat up straight on the couch and opened the book to the start of the story proper.

 " _"We should start back," Gared urged as the wood's began to grow dark around them..._ "

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mikasa dreamed the weirdest dream of her life, though she would forget it upon waking. She was sitting in some sort of barracks with a sword at each of her hips. Outside she could see a wall that she somehow knew horrible monsters were behind. Sasha was there stuffing bread in her face, and so were Krista and Ymir and Eren and Armin. Instructor Shadis was their commanding officer or something. Also, she part of her head felt like something was poking it. 

The Krista in this world turned to her. 

"Aww, she's so cute when she's sleeping," came Krista's voice.

"It's so different than how she normally is," came Ymir's voice.

Mikasa's eyes didn't want to open; they felt like lead had been laid over them and had sunken into her sockets. So she forced them open. That'll show 'em. 

Mikasa discovered she had her cheek leaned against someone's shoulder. Then she realized it was Sasha's shoulder she was leaned against. That made this the second time today.

Mikasa forced her body to stand up straight.  

"Hey, hope I was comfortable," joked Sasha.

Mikasa couldn't respond to that in anyway that kept her dignity, so she didn't.

She didn't find the nerve to look at Sasha until the latter suggested it was probably time to head to bed.

It was then time to change into their sleeping attire, which Ymir and Krista shrugged and did adjourned to the bathroom to change. At the same time, which Sasha decided not to comment on.

Ymir's pajamas consisted of a camisole and short-shorts, while Krista had a white silk negligee. Mikasa's change into sleeping attire involved taking off her pants, and nothing else, as she was already wearing a t-shirt. Ymir commented on the fact that Mikasa hadn't been wearing a bra all day, and Krista commented on Mikasa's choice of underwear bottoms.

"It's not like I haven't seen you wear boxers in gym, but I guess I figured you'd wear girl's underwear on your own time."

Mikasa refreshed her poker face and her monotone. "They're comfortable. Panties feel too tight."

"Huh. I don't think I noticed that before," said Ymir. She rubbed her chin in thought. 

"I actually like the tightness around my crotch," stated Krista. "Makes me feel sexy."

"Do we have to talk about this?" squeaked Sasha. She was on her bed, in the corner, with her back to the other girls so they couldn't see her face.

"Sasha it's ok; we're all girls here," said Krista.

"If you're embarrassed, why didn't you just wait in the bathroom while we changed?"

"I bet she stayed in case Mikasa took off her shirt."

"Oooh. That's probably right."

"Ugh, why are you even here?" whined Sasha, only slightly facetiously.

"Well," said Krista, waving the air between her and Sasha, "since we're all in various states of undress, let's compare abs." 

Sasha's demeanor shattered. "W-what? Why would we do that?" she blubbered. 

"C'mon, you don't have anything to worry about." Krista jumped next to Sasha, put an arm around her neck and pulled her head in to whisper in her ear, "And it's a great excuse to get Mikasa to take of her shirt."

"I can hear you," stated Mikasa.

"H-How about we just go to bed? It's kind of late."

"It's only midnight," said Ymir. Krista ignored her.

"Ok then, how about we compare breasts?" said Krista. Sasha's face flattened.

"I think Sasha would probably win that," mumbled Mikasa. 

"Is that a jab at my weight?" said Sasha

Mikasa's composure collapsed in panic and she choked on her words. Krista and Ymir shared a look and tried to bail her out. 

"I'm sure she was just trying to compliment you," suggested Krista. 

Mikasa nodded and shot a brief 'thank you' look at Krista.

"Oh, sorry," said Sasha lamely. Then she smiled. "Thanks! Your breasts are nice too, Mikasa."

That made Mikasa unable to speak until they went to bed.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

That night, Sasha woke up in the middle of the night. Her stomach was't growling, but it felt empty, and Sasha thought of the leftover pizza she left in the fridge. She quietly peeled the covers off of herself and peeked around the room. Mikasa was sleeping, with minimal shuffling, but Krista and Ymir's sleeping bag (Just one; Krista and Ymir insisted it was better for keeping warm) was empty. 

Sasha tip-toed out the door and down the stairs into the halls, but there were sounds coming from the living room. Sasha creeped to the corner of the wall and peeked into it.

Ymir and Krista were standing in the middle of the room, their arms around each other and-

-and their lips locked together, desperately, passionately, with practiced elegance.

Krista was on the tips of her toes and Ymir was hunched over. Krista stroked Ymir's back and Ymir ran a hand through Krista's hair.

“I love you,“ said Krista when she broke away from the smooch. 

“I love you more, my beautiful angel,” replied Ymir.

“My – my Ymir.” Krista faltered. She refreshed her lascivious smirk and pushed Ymir on to the couch and jumped on her so that she straddled the taller girl.

“You've been good today,” she said, cupping Ymir's face and bringing her in for a long smooch. Krista gyrated her hips.

“Do I get a reward?” purred Ymir.

“How about,” soothed Krista. She unbuttoned the top of Ymir's pajamas, “I do you, right on Sasha's couch, while she watches from the other room?”

Sasha somehow slipped, even though she was propped against the wall. She landed on her elbows and she rubbed them as she groaned.

“You kinky nymph,” breathed Ymir. 

“Ow~ Please don't,” said Sasha into the room.

“Aww,” said Krista, without turning around, some fake disappointment in her voice. Sasha hoped she didn't just hear some real disappointment as well.

“Hey, it's her couch,” said Ymir. Her voice cracked when she talked.

“So you knew I was there?” said Sasha.

"Yep." Krista finally removed herself from Ymir.

Sasha's hunger increased. She stepped into the kitchen and procured a cold slice of pineapple - olive pizza and returned to the living room.

Sasha chewed her pizza and stared at the two girls cuddling on her couch. “So you're a couple?” said Sasha.

“Yep,” said Krista. "Been trying to come out all day, actually," she said.

"That's a lie," mumbled Ymir. "You chickened out so many times."

"Huh," said Sasha, thinking back four weeks, "I guess it was obvious in retrospect."

Ymir said something about leaving a trail of gay bread crumbs, and Krista elbowed her.

Sasha shook her had. “But you're both girls.”

“So?” Krista frowned. 

“So that's  _weird,_ right?" said Sasha. She absently bit into her pizza and found only her hand. She grimanced silently and shook it and re-positioned the pizza to avoid a repeat in the future.

Krista frowned tremendously. “Excuse me? What's so weird about it?"

"Well, it's like- you're already allowed in the same locker room and stuff."

"Yeah?"

"So you're in various states of undress around each other anyway. So that's like, taking advantage of that."

"Well, I consider that a perk of being gay. People don't spend a second thought that you change and bathe together."

"And-" frowned Sasha, having conceded the point after not being able to rebut, "Well, and shouldn't you, like, like boys then?"

“What about you and Mikasa?" retorted Ymir.

“What about me and Mikasa?” said Sasha defensively. _  
_

“Your'e saying that's not weird? You're all over her.”

"And she's all over you."

“But I don't want to smooch Mikasa,” protested Sasha.

Krista and Ymir looked quizzical.

“You don't?” asked Krista. “Are you sure?”

“No! That'd be weird.”

“But sometimes you blush when you look at her." 

“Or when we mention her abs."

“And you're really touchy with her."

“And she's really touchy with you.”

“And you're letting her stay here. In your room.”

“Uh-” began Sasha. She took a bite of cold pizza. “That last one's just what friends do.”

“But in your room!"

“Well the living room's cold." 

“And what about the touchiness and the head-rubbing and the cradling?"

"Um-" Sasha stuffed another slice of pizza into her cheek and cogitated. “Does that mean I like her?" she enunciated.

"Yes," said Ymir. Krista elbowed her again. Ymir doubled over and clutched her stomach.

"Sexuality is a spectrum of expressions, Sasha. Maybe it does, but not necessarily so," lectured Krista. "I think you need to carefully consider your feelings and experiment a bit." 

Sasha chewed her food some more. Normally she wouldn't bother, but she thought it might be rude to grab another slice from the kitchen so she tried to make this slice last.

Did she like Mikasa? That'd be weird. Especially since she was living with her; was that taking advantage of her? And in her current emotional state...

Yeah, that'd really be taking advantage of her. Sasha pictured herself doing couple things with her like sharing ice cream or doing the spaghetti kiss or-

Or cradling Mikasa in her arms, helping her drink water after she'd tried to eat a pile of Chile flakes...

Sasha blushed. In retrospect, that was really suggestive, and she probably shouldn't have put Mikasa in that situation. "H-how do I tell if I like her in that way?"

Ymir was still clutching her stomach, so Krista responded, "Well, have you felt this way about anyone in the past?"

Sasha shook her head. "Not unless you count gravy-covered country-fried steak with a side of roasted garlic bread."

"Is that food," said Krista, "Or some sort of weird celebrity?"

Sasha waved the air. "When I think of Mikasa..." said Sasha, trying to change the subject, "Well, now, when she's mellowed out and cuddly and stuff- hmm-"

"Yes?"

"I guess I'd like to hug her?"

Krista scrunched her mouth. "And in the past? Before these last two days."

"Well," said Sasha, "I couldn't get her out of my head after the first day I met her. But maybe that was because she was the only person who didn't want to be my friend. Also, I wanted to pass AP Chemistry."

"Sounds like a crush to me," said Ymir.

"Real butterflies in the stomach situation." 

"R-really? How do I know it's a crush?" enunciated Sasha. She swallowed the last of her pizza and stared at her empty hands.

"Easy way to find out; do you masturbate to her?"

Sasha almost chocked on some nonexistent pizza. "W-what?" she eventually managed to enunciate.

"When you simulate having sex by yourself, do you imagine Mikasa as the object of your affection or giver of affection towards you?"

"N-no! That'd be creepy," said Sasha. "And I know what masturbation is, genius."

"So what kind of people do you touch yourself to?"

"I- I usually don't."

"Really? What do you do when you're bored?"

"I usually just read a book. Sometimes I watch a movie."

"That's bullshit."

"It's really not."

"Huh, weird," said Krista, "I think about sex all the time. With girls, which is how I figured out I was gay. Sorta always knew." Krista leaned back into Ymir's arms. "Don't know what to tell you then."

"I'm afraid my experiences were similar," said Ymir, "Kissed a girl in middle school; we told everyone else it was just playing around but I didn't feel that way."

"Ah, that's it." Krista smirked mischievously. "If you're not gonna jack it to her, just smooch her. Then you know what to feel."

Sasha thought her entire face went red. She idly stuffed her hand in her mouth and started chewing on it. Eventually she formed a sentence in her head.

"Well, it doesn't really matter," said Sasha, wiping her hand on her shirt, "Since I have no intention of becoming romantically involved in her now. She's got a lot on her plate and she really just needs a steady, supportive friend."

"Or a rebound fling."

"And think about it," said Ymir mischievously, "She could have  _you_ on her plate."

That got Sasha to blush. 

"You know, I don't think that made sense, but since we know how Sasha feels about food I think I'll give you full points for that quip."

"Aw, thanks!" said Ymir playfully.

"As a reward, I'll let you nibble my neck." Krista arched her head back to smooch Ymir on the chin.

"I-I'll excuse myself then," said Sasha. She stood up and made to go upstairs. "And please don't have sex on my couch."

"Fine," sighed Krista. Ymir chuckled.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"So now where were we?" Krista licked her lips and shot a sultry look at Ymir.

 Krista pulled herself into Ymir's embrace, arching her back enough to press herself on every section of Ymir's front.

"Ow-" winced Ymir,

"What?" absently said Krista as she smooched Ymir's neck.

"I have a bruise on my ribs," said Ymir. 

"Oh, dang, from what?"

Ymir sputtered angrily and pushed Krista away from her. "From what? You've been smacking me around all day. Mostly for stuff that wasn't my fault."

"No~" Krista said, trying to get back into Ymir's arms. "I'm sure it's not that bad."

"I told you it's bruised." Ymir poked her rib tentatively and winced.

"Oh, suck it up." Krista furrowed her brow. She really didn't want to deal with this. "I'm trying to be sexy at you."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have literally beat me." Ymir was really annoyed now, mostly from being ignored. 

"You're exaggerating."

"Seems like it runs in the family-"

Krista saw red. The next thing she knew there was a loud SMACK, and Ymir's head was turned to the right. "You know how I feel about being compared to either of my parents-" she said. Then she realized Ymir had a palm-shaped mark and look of abject surprise on her face. Ymir prodded her new mark tentatively.

Krista stared at her hand. Her head felt like it was spinning, and her ears felt like they were underwater. "Oh," she said lamely. "I-I'm sorry-"

Ymir took a breath and looked Krista in the eye, her face as passive as possible. "I don't think our relationship is working out," said Ymir. 

"No!" said Krista immediately. She didn't trust her brain to think. "I didn't mean to- Let me just-"

Krista tried to touch Ymir's face, but Ymir stood up off the couch and backed away. "I think you've done enough."

"But- I'm sorry, I can change-" Krista sputtered the first things that came to her mind.

"Goodbye, Krista." Ymir left.

Krista replayed the last minute in her mind in a vain attempt to prove it didn't happen. In future nights Krista would replay the whole three years of their relationship back in her head when she was alone, but for now Krista tried not to think and grabbed a pillow to hug and tried to cry herself to sleep.

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mikasa awoke in the middle of the night. She hadn't exercised any the last two days (normally rugby practice would take care of that) and her body wouldn't let her rest. And, to top things off, her stomach gurgled sickeningly; she shouldn't have eaten so much pizza. Her biological father was European, so she could digest marginal amounts of dairy products, but she had eaten a whole pizza in an attempt to impress Sasha. Which worked, a bit; Sasha had smiled in approval when Mikasa downed her eighth slice, so maybe it was worth it, even though her stomach seemed to disagree.

And Sasha was going to hear to toilet flush and she'd know, she'd know that Mikasa had bodily functions-

Mikasa remembered there was a bathroom downstairs. Maybe she wouldn't wake anyone up if she used that. She escaped her sleeping bag and Sasha's bedroom completely silently.

The flush was louder than she would have hoped but maybe there were enough doors between there and the bedroom so she didn't wake anyone. Mikasa sneaked towards Sasha's room.

There was a noise from the living room. Mikasa investigated and saw an opportunity.

Krista curled up on the couch and shivered. It was cold, even after she closed the windows and grabbed a throw-pillow for use as a makeshift blanket. 

Mikasa approached. Krista opened her eyes and glanced at Mikasa before closing them. Mikasa kneeled on the living room floor.

"Hey," said Mikasa. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For everything."

"Oh, great." Krista said, "That's worth something." 

"So do you forgive me?"

"For what? You'll have to be more specific."

"For- for insulting you. And grabbing your face."

"You're going to have to elaborate."

Mikasa clenched her fists. "Why? Feelings are hard-"

"You got that right." said Krista.

"Isn't it enough that I'm sorry?"

"Guess not."

Krista breathed deeply several times. "So what did you want?"

"Um. About Sasha...-"

"Aha. Knew it wasn't just to apologize to me. I'm not that important."

Mikasa bit her lip. "N-no, I didn't mean it that way-"

"No no. It's ok."

Mikasa stared for a second.

"Really?" she said.

"What do you think?"

MIkasa bit her lip. Krista sounded upset, but she said she was fine. Mikasa decided that Krista must know what she's doing.

"Sasha," said Mikasa.

"Yeah?"

"I think I like her."

"You said as much after dinner."

"No, I mean  _like_ like her."

"Good for you."

"But I can't."

"Of course."

"It's not because she's a girl."

Krista turned towards her. In the moonlight filtering in from the front window Mikasa could make out a look of dull surprise on Krista's face. But Krista didn't say anything, so Mikasa had to.

"I already promised my heart to Eren."

Krista rolled her eyes and resumed staring at the ceiling. 

"Figures," mumbled Krista. It was the only thing she said. 

Mikasa sat there for a while and cogitated. Krista was definitely upset with her, so what could she do...

"It was also because of Eren, back in 6th grade. Not because you were a girl."

Krista turned to face her, her face passive. Why were faces so hard to read? "7th grade, actually," she said.

"I'm sorry about that," repeated Mikasa.

"Heh," chuckled Krista like a fool on her deathbed realizing an ironic demise, "Doesn't seem too important now. So honestly, I'm not really bitter about it. I forgive you. For that."

Mikasa smiled. A small victory, but a victory still the same. 

"And, it worked out, right?" stilted Mikasa. "Ymir's very sweet."

Krista closed her eyes and gritted her teeth and quietly hyperventilated. Ok, now she was definitely upset. Mikasa's mirth instantly faded.

"You're upset?"

"Oh, you have to ask?"

Mikasa inhaled, sharply. "Yes!" She blurted, her voice cracking a little.

Krista turned to face her.

"I can tell I'm doing something wrong," Mikasa fought back tears. She voiced her mind, it seemed easier now, "But I don't mean to! It's just- feelings are so hard...."

Krista tried to smile in sympathy.

Mikasa looked at the ground. "My- my whole life- even with Eren and Armin sometimes- I'd do something and people would act cold towards me. And it happened so much, no matter what I tried. So I decided I wanted that from people, and I only needed two people in my heart."

Mikasa clenched her fists and whispered to the floor. "And now they're gone and I don't know how to act with other people."

Krista didn't say anything. Mikasa didn't try to decipher her facial expression.

Mikasa exhaled to calm herself down. "Why won't anybody help me?" she asked, not just to Krista.

"Heh," choked Krista forlornly, "You think we know what we're doing?"

"More than me."

"Maybe. You got this far."

Mikasa frowned. Her voice had settled into its usual monotone. "You said you could help me, earlier."

"That was back when I still had delusions of adequacy."

"But- but I don't- I - I can't-" 

"Ok, fine," sighed Krista, turning back around towards Mikasa and sitting up on the couch. "Some advice; communication. No one expects you not to make mistakes, and they won't mind if you work to correct them, but you have to ask them if you made mistakes to do any of that. Otherwise one day you'll find you've driven them away and they'll leave you and you won't see it coming."

"But why won't people tell me if I make mistakes?"

Krista reached her palm towards the ceiling and stared at it. "That's the question, isn't it? Fear, maybe. Fear and embarrassment and a little social awkwardness." 

Krista retracted her arm and shifted to face the back of the couch. "But then again, what do I know? Maybe that's correct advice. Maybe not. What right to I have to tell you what to do?"

Mikasa processed Krista's last four sentences. "Wait. You- you and Ymir-?" 

Krista fell sideways on the couch. She sighed. "We broke up 20 minutes ago. You just missed it."

"Oh," Mikasa bit her lower lip. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It was a long time coming. We just needed a break."

"Then- I'm not sorry?"

Krista chuckled. "Huh, that doesn't sound right. Bad advice then; that's on me. Go ahead and be sorry."

"Ok. I'm sorry." Mikasa processed more of Krista's words. "You said you needed a break: are you getting back together some day?"

"Maybe. Hopefully. I don't know." Krista turned around on the couch, facing away from Mikasa.

"So you can lose the people you love forever?"

Krista grabbed a pillow and hugged it to her chest and didn't answer. "Good luck with Sasha," said Krista. She closed her eyes, and after a minute when she didn't hear Mikasa leave, she added "And turning away is usually a social cue for not wanting to continue a conversation. That one's free." 

"Oh! Sorry." Mikasa stood up and turned around. "Thank you," she said, and returned to the upstairs.  

"Don't mess it up," mumbled Krista after Mikasa left.

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha awoke the next morning with outstretched arms and several yawns. A brief glance around the room told her that Ymir was slumped in her desk chair, clutching a pillow against her chest. Her and Krista's sleeping bag was empty. It turned out Mikasa was awake so the two of them went downstairs for breakfast.

In the living room, Sasha saw Krista on her couch, shivering and trying to warm herself with a pillow clutched against her chest. She woke up despite Sasha's attempts to be quiet and groggily went upstairs to grab a blanket to throw around herself. 

Krista and Ymir sat at opposite sides of the table during breakfast. Krista stared at the bowl of cereal she was poking and Ymir glanced everywhere in the room besides Krista. She stiltingly said something about probably owing Krista at least a ride home and Krista grunted a begrudging acceptance, which prompted Sasha to ask what was going on, which was how Sasha found out they had broken up. They spent the rest of breakfast in awkward silence, despite Sasha's attempts at corny jokes. Mikasa, as per usual, was both awkward and silent. 

Krista and Ymir left early, giving Sasha awkward thank you's and handshakes in the driveway. 

"Well," said Sasha to Mikasa as she walked back into the house, "Maybe I'll win an award for worst sleepover ever."

Mikasa waited until Sasha was out of earshot and blushed to herself. "I liked it," she mumbled.


	12. Letters and Epithets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa contemplates her feelings towards Sasha. Sasha brings Mikasa to her family store and later takes Mikasa to visit her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Shingeki no Kyojin or any of the characters within it; Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in and thus no accurate portrayals of romance, adoption, why people fall in love, how to run a convenience store, reactions to loss, grief counseling, how to write a love letter, cooking, the layout and visitor policies of cemeteries, or how much free time retail workers have on the job.
> 
> Not sure I wanted the fic to go in the direction it did at the end, but here goes. More fluff in the next chapter, promise.

Sasha adjourned to the living room to pack her things and change into actual clothes, having finished breakfast before Krista and Ymir left. Mikasa took her time, and tried to make conversation in the wake of their guest's absence. 

"Do you think they'll be ok?" said Mikasa.

“I'm sure they'll be fine,” said Sasha. “Maybe. I mean, relationships end all the time, right? People move on.”

“But do you think they'll get back together?”

“I don't know,” said Sasha. “Sometimes things don't work out, y'know?"

Mikasa resumed poking at her cereal in silence.

"So did you know they were dating?" asked Sasha to fill the silence.

Mikasa nodded. "Well, I knew Krista was gay," she clarified. "She asked me to keep it secret though. And I figured she was dating Ymir after they started spending all their time together in 9th grade."

"Ok." Sasha packed some of her bags. "I guess I should have figured. Part of me thought all girls sleepovers had 'expiriment with lesbianism' somewhere on the agenda."

MIkasa spit out her last bite of cereal. She managed to hide her brief choking fit from Sasha. "Why would you say that?" she said.

"Well, my guidebook had a chapter on it. I crossed it out because I thought it'd be too wierd." Mikasa cleaned up the evidence of her spittake. Sasha pondered, and then said, "Come to think of it, Krista and Ymir didn't have us do Makeovers or gossip or ghost stories or anything. Fat lot of help that thing was." 

"You had a guide?" said Mikasa with some amusement.

"Yeah, I needed a guide, what of it?" confessed Sasha.

"<Nerd>" coughed Mikasa. She was washing her bowl and silverware in the kitchen.

"Yeah yeah," Sasha waved the air. "Well, time to get going," Sasha said while putting on her shoes, "So feel free to read any of the books in the house. And, uh, I guess there's a TV you're welcome to use. And the music player, if you want to listen to all my movie soundtracks again."

MIkasa stopped, dropping her spoon in the sink. "Where are you going?" 

"I mentioned the family convenience store, right?" said Sasha. "We have like one employee, so I go over when I can to help out."

Mikasa finished washing her bowl and bit her lip for a second before speaking. “Can I come too?”

Sasha scrunched her face into half a smile. “Only if you put on some pants. There's not much to do there, though. Maybe bring your schoolwork?”

So Mikasa got ready. It took some persuading but Mikasa eventually packed her schoolwork. It was a fifteen minute walk to the store complex that contained the Blouse family convenience store. There was a Chinese restaurant and a print shop and some other stores with signs too small for Mikasa to read from a distance. Mikasa didn't really care about them.

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mikasa sat in a folding chair against one of the walls of the store, so that she could see most of the store. Sasha offered her a seat back in the break room, but Mikasa wanted to see Sasha work (Not that she told Sasha that). Which, as it turned out, pretty much consisted of doing homework while standing behind the register. 

The store proper (Mikasa didn't count the break room or the unisex restroom) itself was on the small side; one sale room with two isle shelf fixtures things for snacks and candy bars. The back wall had two refrigerators full of soft drinks and microwave dinners and a waist-high freezer held an assortment of ice cream. There was a coffee machine and an iced beverage machine.

Mikasa opened her homework bag and deposited some homework on her lap. Ugh. She read the first problem of her math assignment and couldn't muster up enough shits to start on it. Or even write her name on the homework. What was the point of school again? 

Besides, Mikasa had a more important problem. She needed to consider her feelings for Sasha, and maybe even tell Sasha how she felt. Like, how her feelings felt. About her.

In the last two days she had become more open to maybe liking Sasha romantically. Krista and Ymir were a couple (Well, not anymore), and all they did was cuddle and make jokes and occasionally verge into physical comedy. Mikasa sort of wanted to do the first two (well, all three really, but the third one might verge into the 'not taking other people's feelings in to account' area she had sworn she'd work on) with Sasha, and if that's all a relationship took then maybe Mikasa was up for one with her.

And it's not like this was going to be serious. Like, she wasn't going to marry Sasha. Which reminded her that she'd have to come up with a new plan for her post-high-school life. But there was enough time for that latter.

So maybe if she just explained all that to Sasha, that she had weird feelings for her but not serious weird feelings, and then-

-then they'd have a relationship? Was that what Mikasa wanted?

Mikasa sighed internally. Feelings were hard. Things were so much more simpler when she just stole Sasha's food and watched her struggle in chemistry. Now she had to find a way to figure out if Sasha wanted a relationship without giving away the fact that Mikasa liked her. Because what if Sasha thought it'd be too weird to be friends if she knew Mikasa liked her? Not being friends would be way worse than continuously fighting the urge to smooch her. Maybe Mikasa could deal with never smooching her if she knew they'd always be friends. 

Because the one piece of advice she'd gotten from the only actual, experienced lesbian she knew was 'don't mess it up'. (Well, there was also something about communication, but that was more garbled.) 

Ugh, why did she nudge the bottle yesterday? She could have just let it land on Sasha and they'd have to smooch, and then if Sasha didn't like it Mikasa could play it off as part of the game. Of course, it'd mean smooching her in public (two people counted as public, right?), and that didn't seem like something Mikasa was prepared to do.

Also not helping Mikasa sort her feelings was that stuff Krista said about her and Sasha almost being sisters. Mikasa had a weird dream after she'd bid Krista goodnight, and it cemented in her mind that, yes, Mikasa liked Sasha. Like, _like_ -liked her. 

Mikasa imagined a slightly younger her and a much younger Sasha in her kitchen (The Yeager's kitchen, not Sasha's family's kitchen). Sasha tugged at her sleeve, wide-eyed and open-mouthed with crumbs sticking to her cheek because Mikasa had decided at some point that that was the most adorable thing.

“Mikasa, Mikasa! I'm hungry! Make me something!”

And Mikasa would smile gently and ruffle Sasha's hair and wipe the food off her cheek. And she'd make a sandwich and present it to Sasha, who'd smile her biggest smile and say something like "Yay! I love you big Sis!", and she'd stand on her tiptoes and close her eyes and purse her lips for -

Back in reality, Mikasa covered her face in her hands. It felt hot- she was probably blushing. A quick glance told her that, thankfully, Sasha was absorbed in some homework.

Really absorbed. She probably wouldn't notice if Mikasa indulged herself a little more...

In this next fantasy, Sasha was the same age as in real life though Mikasa was slightly younger, because Mikasa wondered what it'd like to have an older sister she could rely on, or maybe she felt like the less mature member of the relationship. (Either way, it was something a psychologist would have a field day with.)

“Sasha-nee!” young fantasy Mikasa squeaked, with a youthful innocence the real Mikasa had lost long ago, “Will you read to me?”

And Sasha would sit on the couch where she'd wrap an arm around Mikasa and open a book and Mikasa would rest her head on Sasha's shoulder and Sasha would scratch Mikasa's head, right behind the ear, and Mikasa would fall asleep on her lap, and Sasha'd wake her up with a smooch to her forehead but Mikasa'd suppress a giggle and pretend to be asleep and then Sasha would giggle and say something like 'I know how to wake a sleeping beauty' and then -

“You ok Mikasa?” said Sasha, in the real world.

Mikasa blinked her eyes and assessed her surroundings. Her face was hot and maybe her ears were ringing? “Um.” she said, trying to stall for time. 

Dammit. This was bad. She shouldn't be thinking these things. If Sasha found out- maybe she'd completely flip her lid. Eren certainly did. Mikasa didn't think she'd be able to handle it if Sasha never wanted to see her again either.

And thinking of Sasha, the brunette was still waiting for a response, a concerned frown on her face.

"Yes," squeaked Mikasa. 

"Are you sure? You're face is really red; are you too hot in that corner?"

Sasha said something about the air conditioning and Mikasa mumbled something she figured Ymir would say if she were here. 

"I could buy you an ice cream if you want?" Sasha gestured to one of the freezers.

"Still lactose intolerant," mumbled Mikasa.

"Oh, sorry," Sasha's mouth stretched out in embarrassment, "Here, grab me an ice-cream sandwich from the freezer. I'll get you anything else in the store; there's tons of stuff without dairy products!"

"No-no," said Mikasa. She slapped her stuff out of her lap and sat up and walked towards the register, swiftly grabbing an the requested frozen treat on the way. She held the ice cream at arms length towards Sasha. "Don't get me anything," said Mikasa to the ground.

"...Is something wrong?"

Mikasa couldn't make eye contact. "I don't want to be a burden on you," she mumbled.

Sasha frowned. "One snack isn't a burden Mikasa..."

"No, I mean," Mikasa stammered. Sasha looked up concerned, expectantly. "N-nevermind," said Mikasa. 

Sasha walked around the counter and stood in front of Mikasa, trying to make eye contact. "C'mon, Mikasa, tell me what's wrong," she said in that voice that was more friendly than Mikasa deserved. Sasha was so nice.

Mikasa couldn't climb out of hit pit of self-pity long enough to say anything.

"I thought you were opening up more," said Sasha.

MIkasa still bit her tongue.

Sasha smiled encouragingly. "I like it when you do."

MIkasa felt her face flush and, more importantly, her inhibitions drop for a moment. Her voice almost cracked. "Y-you're already doing so much for me. You're letting me stay at your house and you listen to my bullshit and you're throwing parties for me that I have no idea how to thank you for and-" 

Mikasa realized what she just said and closed her eyes. This was that feelings bullshit again. But it was too late to stop now. "I don't want to mess this up. I'd hate for you to hate me, Sasha."

There. That was it. The heart of the matter; her true feelings. Mikasa finally sorted them out as she was telling them to Sasha. Which was originally scheduled for later, so points for efficiency. 

MIkasa cracked an eye open. Sasha had an expression like she found a lost puppy, her eyes wide and her hand over her mouth to suppress a 'dawwww' and her eyes seemed a little wet. "Mikasa I'd never hate you," she held her arms out, but Mikasa didn't notice in time to lean into a hug, so Sasha just opted to put her hands on Mikasa's shoulders.

"Is this about last Friday?" said Sasha, "That was just because you weren't very good at expressing your feelings. Now that I know them, well-" 

Mikasa kept her limbs stiff in fear. Sasha scratched Mikasa's head, right behind the ear. "I'd never hate you, Mikasa," said Sasha.

"R-really?" squeaked Mikasa. Later on she'd be embarrassed that she said something so pathetic.

Sasha giggled and made her 'found a lost puppy' look again and pulled Mikasa's stupid paralyzed body in for a hug. "That's a promise."

Mikasa allowed herself to be held by Sasha for as long as the latter deigned to. Eventually Sasha broke off the hug, patted Mikasa's shoulder twice and went back to her homework, so Mikasa went back to hers, her head swimming. 

Mikasa took a seat and put her head in her hands. What was that? That ear scratching thing? How did she know? Did maybe Sasha like her too?

Well, she didn't say so explicitly, so now Mikasa had to. Yes. Sasha told her to open up more and junk, so that's what she was going to do. Sasha'd want Mikasa to tell her how she felt.

She hadn't intended it, but she allayed all of Mikasa's fears. Time to make fantasy a reality-

Mikasa waved the air. Not either of  _those_ fantasies, really. She was already happily adopted and had no intention of becoming  _actual_ sisters with Sasha. Though maybe she could ask Sasha to call her 'onee-chan' sometimes in private. Or maybe 'imouto-chan', if she liked the second fantasy better. She'd have to decide at some point. 

But not until at least the third date. Nuh-uh. That was probably something that'd weird her out more than necessary if she brought it up too early. 

And to get to the third date she'd have to get to the first one, which meant she had to do the feelings thing. 

But she was bad at words, so she'd get them down ahead of time. In a manner where she couldn't mess up the meaning with poor delivery. She'd write a letter and stuff it in Sasha's lunch box one day. Hopefully Sasha wouldn't accidentally eat it.

She'd find some sort of fancy paper for the real love letter. Maybe glue cutout hearts on it or draw some hearts. That was how it was supposed to go right? Mikasa made a mental note to acquire some red crayons and maybe some glitter.

But she was getting ahead of herself. She'd have to figure out what she was going to say first, and that was probably going to take multiple drafts. Mikasa rummaged through her homework stuff and pulled out a piece of notebook paper for the first draft.

 

 _\-- Dear Sasha,_  

_\--  I think I like you._

_\-- Sincerely,_

_\-- Mikasa_

 

Mikasa pondered the 'sincerely' part. True, she meant it sincerely, but that was how everyone responded to formal letters. She should be more personal.

Also, 'like' was probably too vague. She should make her intent clearer.

Mikasa simply crossed out the four lines and wrote the second draft below it. There was plenty of room on the sheet of paper for the next few drafts.

 

\-- _Dearest Sasha_

_\-- You are always so nice to me. I think I have fallen for you. Romantically, I mean._

_\-- Love,_

_\-- Mikasa_

_\-- P.S. I think I like you. Like-like, I mean. Like romantically._

 

There. That was clear. No mistaking it. Sasha couldn't misinterpret that.

Mikasa agonized over whether to include 'love' at the end. It was probably still to early to say she 'loved' Sasha, but everyone put that on the end of letters now. Also, it made the intent clearer. 

But as Mikasa looked it over, she realized it didn't say anything. She liked her: so what? How was Sasha supposed to respond? This didn't take Sasha's feelings into account at all. So she tried again:

 

_\-- Deer Sasha,_

_\-- I think you're really cute. Would you be amenable to smooching on the mouth?_

_\-- Attached is a response form._

_\-- I eagerly await your answer,_

_\-- Mikasa_

 

Aha. This was more direct. It had a clear purpose, and clear instructions for how Sasha should respond. This should lead to some 

And then Mikasa reread it and had to prevent herself from smacking her head in shame; this was unacceptably embarrassing; she'd misspelled 'dear'. Argh! She crossed out the entire thing. 

 

_\-- Sasha,_

_\-- I have all these emotions. I think some of them may be love, and they are about you._

_\-- I don't know what they mean, but they make me want to touch you._

 

Mikasa put an arrow to the end of the third sentence and added in small font, ' _but not in a weird way_ '. She then added an arrow to that and wrote ' _Maybe in a weird way? I don't know_.'

 

_\-- But one thing I do know is that I want to be with you. Romantically. Maybe I'm gay; I don't know._

_\-- And I want to make you happy. Seeing you smile is something I only recently realized was something I truly wanted._

_\-- And I don't know what all these emotions mean. So if you want to, I'd like to figure them out with you._

_\-- Mikasa_

  

Mikasa crumpled up her paper and ripped it into pieces. Then she realized that someone could, potentially, reassemble them into something legible, so she opted to eat the remains. They tasted like failure.

“Uh, Mikasa,” said Sasha, “If you're hungry, I can buy you a pack of bread or something (Jelly bread's my favorite). Anything in the store; that offer's still good." 

Mikasa tried to speak with her mouth full and failed. She wondered how Sasha managed to do so all the time. She used her tongue to separate some of the paper to swallow, leaving a manageable portion in her mouth. 

And for the second time that day, Sasha asked Mikasa what was wrong. Mikasa mumbled something about a letter.

“OH!” said Sasha. She ran to her backpack and rummaged through it and procured a small white envelope with messy handwriting on it. She also picked up a package of jelly bread to give to Mikasa. Mikasa pocketed the bread and glanced over the letter. It said 'To Sis' and 'from Eren' on it.

“So sorry! I forgot about this until now; Eren gave me a letter to give you."

Mikasa's brain stopped. So did her mouth.

Sasha noticed and shifted her weight nervously. “I can give you some privacy if you want,” she said.

"No need for that," said Mikasa absently. Or she thought she said; her mouth was still full, so she pushed the paper into her cheek. She ripped open the envelope and noticed her hands were shaking.

The letter was in Eren's handwriting. I mean, of course it was. Should have expected it. It began:

 

_\-- Dear big Sis,_

_\-- I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did, but Armin and I are in love-_

 

Mikasa closed the paper and frowned at the wall.

“What?" said Sasha. She had a concerned expression on her face. "Is it something bad?"

"No," said Mikasa. Nothing really bad. Just stuff she didn't want to read. 

Sasha looked concerned even more, so Mikasa opened the letter again and read the rest of it in a blink. Eren was not sorry about breaking her heart. Carla and Grisha hadn't touched her room or any of her stuff, and whenever Mikasa was ready to return she could. No one held anything against her. All in all, it felt like a formality. Or an explanation. Not much of an apology. 

Mikasa assured Sasha all was well. Sasha seemed to buy it and returned to the register to do her homework.

Mikasa took a breath to calm herself and reread the letter. She scoffed silently. Heh, they were in love? Mikasa spent the last ten years doting on Eren and if that wasn't enough to make him love her how could Armin expect anything like love after just six? And they didn't even live together. Mikasa probably had, like, three times the amount of mileage with Eren by hours.

Well, the two of them were sexually active though. Maybe that counted for something. Or maybe they were just in it for sex. And they probably had been doing it more than just yesterday; Armin probably had that bunny girl dress for a while. Dammit, how long had they been doing it behind her back? 

(And was there any reason Mikasa shouldn't be allowed to have the same kind of relationship with someone?)

Mikasa became aware of the paper in her mouth. She had been chewing it harshly. She swallowed it. 

Eren seemed to recind the 'I never want to see you again' thing, so that was good. Wait- on a reread, he didn't explicitly state that he was okay with seeing her. Better not presume too much. Mikasa sighed.

It didn't say a lot about Armin, only that Eren preferred that nerd to her. Mikasa found she didn't mind so much that Eren and Armin were dating. True, just four days ago it felt like the literal end of the world, but now, now that she had spent some time with other people it didn't feel as urgent. Her own infatuation with Sasha probably had something to do with it too.

Mikasa had an unpleasant thought; maybe she was just rebounding into Sasha. Maybe she just thought she liked Sasha because Sasha was nice to her. Would she like anyone who did what Sasha did? Did she not like Sasha but the attention, like Krista (or was it Ymir) had said?

Well, anyone who did exactly what Sasha did, probably. Krista was nice to her for the first third of middle school but Mikasa just got annoyed with her pestering and rejected her once Krista had made her intent clear. Armin was nice in that 'afraid to make her angry' way (though it was hard to imaging liking Armin at the moment). A lot of people were, actually. Was Mikasa really that intimidating?

But Sasha didn't care at all about that. Sasha needed a chemistry partner and she wasn't going to let Mikasa's reputation or off-putting personality or verbal degregations get in the way of her grades. In retrospect, it was really gratifying to have someone give her all that attention, so you were right Krista (or Ymir, whichever).

And for some reason, the fact that Sasha had her own things going on, that she had goals that didn't involve Mikasa, made her more attractive. It was an alien concept to Mikasa; weren't you supposed to devote your life to love if you loved someone? Krista seemed to be just as single-minded towards love as well. And- and - (did Mikasa know anyone else in a relationship? Oh yeah) - and Eren and Armin definitely had goals. Maybe that was why Mikasa never saw them coming; Eren had sports and Armin had his GPA, so how could they have time for relationships? Apparently they could, so hopefully Sasha had time for a relationship on top of- of-

Come to think of it, she didn't know anything about Sasha. Here she was going on about how cool it was that Sasha had a life. And anyway, how could Mikasa say she liked her if Sasha was still a total stranger to her?

She'd have to rectify this travesty. Mikasa stood up and scuttled around the front counter, next to where Sasha was scribbling some math problems.

“Sasha,” intoned Mikasa. 

Sasha jumped up. “Hey Mikasa! You scared me."

“Sorry,” Mikasa looked at the ground. Sasha laughed a little and waved it off.

“So what's up?” said Sasha. 

“Um,” began Mikasa, “What's your favorite color?”

Sasha twisted her mouth in thought. “Blue."

“What's your favorite food?” Mikasa mentally patted herself on the back for remembering to ask that. This was long overdue.

“Country-fried steak, (but only some gourmet recipes, storebought stuff is passable, but I can't say its my _favorite_ ), covered in light chicken gravy (also only some recipes. I mean, some gravy comes frozen? Like gross). I usually like to have a side of mashed potatoes- seasoned in garlic- and some steamed string beans. Or steamed broccoli..." Sasha continued for a minute. 

Mikasa memorized every syllable. After Sasha concluded, Mikasa asked another question. “What's your favorite type of music?”

Sasha scrunched her face and cogitated. “Soft rock,” she said eventually.

“Favorite book?”

“Oooh. Well, one of the first books I ever read was _The Three_ _Musketeers_ so it's always had a special place in my heart. So probably that one." Sasha expression turned quizical.  “Why all these questions so suddenly?” 

MIkasa froze, before realizing she could probably be honest without giving herself away. "I realized I don't know anything about you."

“Sure you do,” Sasha chuckled. "You know I like books, and I eat all the time, and that I suck at Chemistry," 

"But-"

"We're already friends, Mikasa," said Sasha, "And we'll figure out more about each other in time." Sasha reached out and squeezed Mikasa's hand.

"But I want to figure out this stuff _now_ ," mumbled Mikasa, inaudibly. 

Eventually a customer came in. A teenager she didn't know, high school age, maybe someone she glimpsed briefly in the halls of her school. Sasha hid her math book and greeted them, helping them find a pack of gum and a bag of chips.

Mikasa headed back to her seat and packed all her stuff in her bag. She'd write the letter later, maybe after she had some help from someone. She looked at the clock and mentally groaned; Sasha was only three hours into her ten hour shift. 

Well, if she was going to be here anyway, maybe she could help out. Mikasa crept into the back room, where Sasha's father sat among boxes, writing on a clipboard and his phone.

“Hello, Sasha's Father.” Mikasa intoned.

Sasha's father managed to not be surprised at her sudden appearance. “Hey kiddo. What's up?"

“Can I work here?”

Sasha's father scrunched his face and cogitated, almost the same way Sasha did. “I don't see why not. Need to make some money, huh?”

“I thought I should try to work off my room and board."

“Hey, no need to worry about that; It's good to see Sasha's making friends here." He started chuckling goodnaturedly. "Unless you're planning on being a permanent resident, that is."

Mikasa said nothing. She shuffled her feet awkwardly. Sasha's father stopped chuckling and his mouth flattened and he glanced at the wall.

"Well, if you want to help out, I'll enable you," he said, trying to change the subject, "What I'm doing right now is taking inventory. It suuuucks; I said I'd do it yesterday, and then I didn't. We just got resupplied this morning, “ He gestured to several crates and boxes, “So now's usually the time to see how much of what stuff we have. Then we need to restock everything. Then it's just selling all of it. This is the only day I need more than one employee at the store, really."

Mikasa agreed to do all that. She mentioned it to Sasha and Sasha smiled (with maybe a hint of surprise?) but said that Mikasa needn't do anything she didn't want to. Mikasa insisted, though, for her own peace of mind.

So Mikasa helped count everything in the store. It was easy, but then again, other people seemed to have trouble keeping track of large amounts of things in their head. From the way he reacted when Mikasa returned ten minutes later, Sasha's father might have been one of those people. He had her put all the food in the boxes on the appropriate shelves as well, which also didn't take very long after Mikasa memorized the location of everything in the store. 

So Mikasa's first day on the job only lasted about an hour, after a subsequent stint on the register. Sasha's father came in to tell them that they could take the rest of the day off. 

Sasha whispered something to her father and they adjorned to the breakroom to discuss something, which left Mikasa to attend to the register for a moment. Sasha had to persuade her to do so, writing down an instruction tree for how to interact with customers. Mikasa learned how to scan things easily enough though, and she could count change decently enough.

So she did. Mikasa stood rigidly at the register, staring completely straight ahead and hoping no one would come in that she needed to talk to. She glanced at the clock, and at the door to the back room, and then to the piece of paper pinned to her t-shirt with her name written on it, almost good enough to look printed.

Right when Mikasa was about to wonder what would take them so long (Later she'd learn they were only gone for 153 seconds), a balding, middle-aged man walked in. He grabbed a pack of toothpaste and walked over to the freezer to look longingly at it. He stood there for a while.

Mikasa glanced at the instructions, specifically at the lines 'greet the customer' and 'help the customer find what they are looking for'. Which was remarkably unhelpful; they didn't say  _how_ to do either of those things. Ugh, Sasha should know that Mikasa was bad at this stuff.

Or should she? Mikasa thought back to see if she ever told Sasha about that. She spent years hoping people might notice that she wasn't the best at the social stuff. She could yell at the customer easily enough, but she probably didn't want to do that. It seemed this information dearth between her and Sasha was a two way street.

“Um,” said Mikasa, trying to think of something to say. 'hurry up' probably wasn't the most friendly thing to say.

Mikasa opened her mouth, and then closed it, and then opened it again and managed to say  “Would you like some ice cream?”

The man immediately shook his head. “No,” he said forlornly, “I better not.”

Mikasa cogitated. She glanced at the cheat sheet even though s. “Ok.” she said, eventually.

The man put the toothpaste and a five dollar bill at the counter, nervously glancing at the freezer the whole time.

Mikasa rang up the toothpaste and counted up his change

“Ok, I suppose I could get a little ice cream...” he said.

He grabbed a pint of coconut caramel ice cream and put it as well as a ten dollar bill on the counter. Mikasa wordlessly rang it up.

The man quietly thanked Mikasa, pocketed his change and left the store, cradling the ice cream like it was contraband. Mikasa exhaled in relief.

Eventually Sasha returned from the break room. She looked distracted as she asked Mikasa how it went. Mikasa told her it went ok and that she convinced someone to buy ice cream. She resolved to make sure to ask for more detailed retail instructions before she tried that again, but at a time when Sasha seemed like less was going on.

Sasha shuffled her feet. Mikasa stared at her expecting her to say something, and she did, eventually.

"Hey, so," began Sasha. She stared at her twiddling fingers and blushed a little. That meant she was nervous? Embarrassed? Mikasa was about to ask which one but Sasha remembered she was trying to talk. "You've shared some personal stuff with me these past three days, and uh-"

Mikasa nodded. What was Sasha getting at? Was it weird to do so?

"Since we can take the day off, we could go to the grocery store and get some, ah, groceries," Sasha rubbed the back of her head. "I said I'd cook for you yesterday, yeah?"

Mikasa smiled. She'd forgotten about that, but now she was really looking forward to it. She wanted to say so, but Sasha wasn't done speaking, apparently.

"And then afterward, in the interest of symmetry," Sasha stuttered, almost as bad as Mikasa at her worst, eventually sighing and having to start over and doing that thing Mikasa sometimes did when she let her arms rest by her side, clenching and unclenching her fists. Mikasa tried to look encouraging.

"Would you like to meet my mom?" said Sasha.

Mikasa blinked. "Sure." she said. "I had wondered about her absence."

Sasha rubbed the back of her head and looked at the wall. "Yeah, she doesn't live with us."

Mikasa tried to make eye contact with Sasha, but Sasha was preoccupied with almost everything else. Mikasa was pretty sure Sasha was agitated, for whatever reason. "If you don't want to, you don't have to," said Mikasa. 

"No! No, I think it's overdue anyway," said Sasha weakly. She didn't offer anything else.

As they walked to the grocery store, Mikasa mentioned that she should be telling Sasha what her favorite stuff was as well, so they could be better friends. Sasha was visibly relieved at the subject change, and started making eye contact again. Was this what it felt like when Mikasa did that? That was really unsettling, crap.

And crap again, because Mikasa realized she never really thought about what her favorite things were. Sasha laughed when she told her that. Mikasa reasoned her favorite color was red, running her hand through her scarf. She usually just ate what was put in front of her, so she didn't really have a favorite food. Sasha was completely aghast, almost falling over, and asked about everything Mikasa had ever eaten, which sustained the conversation through the trek through the grocery store (It turned out Sasha knew where everything was; they picked up some fish and some spices and some cans) and all the way to Sasha's house (Mikasa almost thought of it as her's as well before she caught herself) and through the beginning of dinner prep.

Partway through the preparation of dinner (some kind of grilled salmon and cooked jam?) Mikasa determined that her favorite food was rice. Sasha laughed and said that was very stereotypical, so Mikasa refined it to omelette rice. Sasha promised that she'd help Mikasa find a favorite food. 

They put four people's worth of servings in a picnic basket, leaving a plate on the table wrapped in cellophane. 

“Your father isn't accompanying us?” said Mikasa.

“Well, there's a certain atmosphere when its her and my dad and me, but I wanted to introduce you to her, so it'll be just us. He visits her enough anyway...” Sasha trailed off.

There'd be a short bus ride, Sasha mentioned, so Mikasa grabbed her bus pass. It'd been a while since she'd used it. Sasha still didn't have one, but made sure to have enough change for two trips on the bus they boarded. It was mostly empty, and the driver mentioned that she had her eye on Sasha and her picnic basket. Sasha joked about having learned 'no food' rules earlier this year. After fifteen minutes they exited the bus, in a sparser part of town.

“She lives this close?” said Mikasa.

“Well, it's a bit of a walk and a bus ride..."

“But it's the same town."

“Yeah....”

“Why doesn't she live with you then?”

Sasha half-smiled and scratched the back of her head. “She's got her own stuff going on.”

They walked along the sidewalk on a side-road. The neighborhood looked sleepy; large willow trees drooped down. Unkempt vegetation. faded walls, cracked sidewalks. The pervasive otherworldly feelings of disassociation and alienation. A brisk gust of wind blew some dead leaves in their wake.

The food smelled good from the picnic basket, and Mikasa's stomach growled. Sasha assured her that they were almost there, and suddenly, she turned left, pushing open some black iron bared gates. They creaked mournfully.

Mikasa glanced at the neearby sign. “The Cemetery? Is your mom the groundskeepe- oh.”

Mikasa bit her tongue. Sasha smiled forlornly at her feet. “Yeah.” she said weakly. “Breast Cancer.”

“I'm sorry,” said Mikasa.

"Yeah..." said Sasha. She closed the gate behind Mikasa and led her through the rows of graves.

“I should be saying sorry for the deception,” said Sasha. Her voice was soft and low. “I don't really like talking about it.” Sasha looked up from her feet and glanced at Mikasa. “But I kind of want to, y'know?

Sasha looked at Mikasa expectantly. Mikasa couldn't think of what Sasha wanted her to say. Or anything to say, really. She wanted and didn't want to talk about it? And this was obviously important; Mikasa couldn't say the wrong thing now. If there was a time and place to Mess It Up it was here. Mikasa felt a little shallow for her own drama but then shook her head. Cant' think about herself now.

“And I guess it's a little insensitive of me, considering your circumstances.” Sasha sounded a little hurt, or maybe a little like she was probing for a specific answer.

Mikasa panicked. “What? No, it's not! Why would it be?”

Sasha scratched her cheek. “Well, ah, Eren and Armin mentioned it a while ago. Sorry if that's prying, but it came up and I thought-" Sasha bit her lip in the pause. "They said your parents are dead.

“No they're not,” said Mikasa. “You just spoke with Carla yesterday morning."

“No, I mean your real parents."

“The Yeagers _are_ my real parents.

 "I mean your biological parents."

"Oh." Mikasa thought back. She'd been seven at the time of the car accident. She'd been shuffled around the foster care system for long enough to miss a year of school before the Yeager's took her in. That year had been hell, but now it seemed like a bad dream, something she was half-convinced never even happened.

Sure, Mikasa had memories of her biological parents, and apparently Grisha and her biological father went back a ways, but now anything she remembered of them seemed so distant, like a previous life. It's not like she was unhappy or anything when she was with her biological parents, but nothing she remembered stood out nearly as much as any of her time with the Yeagers. There were more than enough golden memories from after she was adopted. 

The Yeagers took her in so readily. She meant it when she said she really felt at home there, and of course she thought of them as her family. Carla was so supportive, and Grisha so nice, and Eren-

Well, enough said about Eren.

And Mikasa relayed that information to Sasha as they set up the picnic next to Sasha's mother's tombstone. 'Loving Mother, Devoted Wife' said the engraving, as well as 'You'll always be in our hearts.'

Sasha's teared up as she looked anywhere but at Mikasa. “Oh,” she said lamely, the hurt in her voice stabbing into Mikasa's being, “Ok then." She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "It's just- I thought maybe- maybe you could relate to me,” said Sasha. “Like, maybe you'd understand what I feel, and know what I should do about it-"

Mikasa didn't know what to say. Sasha didn't make eye contact but Mikasa did, and her eyes teared in sympathy. She had to say the right thing. Something to help, something to help her-

“Like, not all the time! I can handle it usually. Mom said she wanted us to live our lives. Live good lives, good enough for the three of us. And usually that's easy-"

Sasha's voice got progressively more unsteady and her eyes clouded completely with tears. Mikasa found herself biting her fist for lack of ability to say anything.

"But then, like, I'll find out a new way to eat french fries, and then I'm all 'Mom's going to be so excited when I tell her', and then I'm all 'Oh', and- and-"

Sasha put her face in her hands. She heaved three heavy sobs.

Mikasa pulled Sasha into a hug. This seemed like the time. Sasha returned the hug immediately, almost knocking the wind out of Mikasa.

Mikasa thought back on her life experiences for something to say. The Yeager's had comforted her a bit when she was first adopted, before they realized Mikasa needed a new family more than consolations on losing her old one. Armin once had to console Eren on losing some sport thing in middle school- crap, what was that? 

Sasha shuddered in her arms. Mikasa squeezed her tighter. Sasha felt so fragile and - and- alone? was that the word? Could you feel someone else feeling loneliness? Like she was desperately reaching out but all Mikasa could do was hold her. Dammit. Mikasa let her cheek press against on the top of Sasha's head for a moment. Her shoulder started feeling wet.

Mikasa panicked and cursed her inability to help. Her left hand idly reached into her pocket. There was a crinkle of plastic; the jelly bread was still there. 

So Mikasa pulled it out and unwrapped it as loud as she could. Sasha wiped her eyes on Mikasa's shoulder and looked up, first at the bread and at Mikasa. Her eyes were puffy and red and Mikasa desperately wanted to help take the sad out of them. Mikasa silently offered the bread towards her. Sasha slunk back into Mikasa's shoulder. Mikasa shrugged, jostling Sasha slightly, and took a bite of the bread. 

Mikasa chewed for a moment as Sasha calmed down. Eventually Sasha, with her arms still limp, wormed her head around Mikasa's arms to take a bite of the bread. Mikasa teasingly pulled the bread back right before Sasha bit down. Sasha shot her the most unbelieving look before Mikasa put the bread against Sasha's lips. Mikasa tried to feed Sasha the rest of the bread, loosening her hug in case Sasha decided to use her hands. 

Sasha didn't, and Mikasa fed the rest of the bread to her one-handed. Sasha stopped sobbing by the end, and they sat there in silence for a while.

“Sasha,” said Mikasa eventually. She had finally thought of something, remembering something Annie said once. “Even though I can't personally relate doesn't mean I can't listen. I'm still here for you. In whatever capacity you want me to, though I'd like to be here for everything."

Sasha nodded her head. Mikasa felt it more than saw it.

"And- I'm truly sorry. It's obvious she meant a lot to you."

"Yeah, she was the best," said Sasha.

"It's sad that she's gone. Wherever she is, I'm sure she loves you very much."

"Yeah...."

Sasha sniffled one last time and lifted herself out of Mikasa's embrace and wiped her eyes on her own clothes this time. "Sorry for breaking down on you like that. Promise not to do it again."

"It's completely fine," said Mikasa. "I liked it."

Mikasa waved the air frantically. "Not like! Not like I liked that you were sad," she stammered. Sasha hadn't completely hid her brief look of disbelief. "I liked being there for you, I mean, and I like that you trust me enough to talk to me about it. Thank you."

Sasha smiled. "See, now you've got it. You don't need a vocabulary to express your feelings," She squeezed Mikasa's hand. "And thanks for being here, Mikasa."

"S-sure," replied Mikasa, squeezing Sasha's hand right back.

They sat on the picnic cloth a while, the shadows cast by the willow trees and tombstones growing into raking lines across the weathered stones. 

“Hey, do you still have that list of stuff to ask me?" said Sasha.

“Yeah,” said Mikasa, idly searching her pocket, “Why?”

“I could tell you my mom's answers to those things," said Sasha, "It'd be like you really got to meet her."

Mikasa nodded. She shufled around in her pocket until she found the paper she was looking for. 

Mikasa cleared her throat. “What was her favorite color?”

“Green. Like leaves and stuff; she was also really outdoorsy.”

“Favorite food?”

“Oh man, she reaaaallly loved smoked salmon," Sasha gestured to the picnic basket and pulled out the prepared food. They both remembered they were hungry, "Seasoned with sea salt and back pepper, slightly under-cooked. She also liked a to have roasted raspberries and mashed potatoes. She'd joke she was a grizzly bear, and one time we went to this diner and she ordered salmon and had me flip the food so she could catch it in her mouth, like an actual bear. I missed a lot and we got kicked out of that that place for like a year...”

They continued like that until they finished their picnic. Sasha put an extra plate out in front of her mother's headstone. Spiritually, she'd get the food, she said, and practically she was helping out the homeless if they wandered in at night, she joked. Mikasa hoped that it meant Sasha had cheered up. 

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

One the way back Sasha returned to her playful self. Mikasa thought that life went on like none of that ever happened until when they hugged before bed. Sasha pressed herself into Mikasa with the same desperate intimacy as her hug in the graveyard. She made Mikasa promise to never leave her, and of course Mikasa said yes. Like, was there even an alternative?

As Mikasa stared at the ceiling trying to drift asleep she thought about what it meant to be friends with someone. She had only known Sasha for four weeks (and closely only for four days, really) and she only knew about 12 of Sasha's favorite things, but Mikasa felt like she knew her better than she ever knew anyone, like they really had a bond. She smiled as she fell asleep. 

 


	13. Back to school

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha and Mikasa go to school and interact with all their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own any of these characters. Hajime Isayama does. 
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of chemistry expiriments, romance, pokemon, high school, homosexuality, transgender issues, hunting laws, nihilism, or Magic the Gathering. Especially that last one. 
> 
> However, I am trying to be as sensitive as possible about homosexuality and transgender issues, and welcome any corrections if any gross misrepresentations occur.

Sasha noticed that Mikasa really didn't like waking up. Well, she only had four days of data but it seemed like that was the case. When pressed, Mikasa suggested that perhaps nobody liked waking up, and that it was only our obligations that made us wake up in the morning. Sasha booped her on the nose, which made Mikasa blush and chortle slightly and follow Sasha to the bathroom.

She also didn't want to go to school, and no amount of nose booping seemed to change her mind. Mikasa mentioned something about the pointlessness of it all and shrugged and looked at the ground. 

But she was more amenable after Sasha wrapped her arms around her shoulders from the side and held her for a minute. Mikasa placed her arm around Sasha's shoulders and they held each other for a moment.

Going to school with Mikasa was a little weird. She had been staying at her house for only three and a half days, and Mikasa had been reticent and needy the whole time. Sasha was a little worried about Mikasa's ability to readjust to school, but Mikasa seemed completely composed and fully functional, even if she never seemed to leave Sasha's side during from the bus ride to school to the time she walked into her first class. 

The upside was that chemistry was really easy, eventually, after an awkward start. 

When Sasha walked in, a girl with fuzzy hair and thick square glasses was sitting in Mikasa's seat, disinterestedly staring at her phone in her lap. Sasha'd never seen her before, so she put on her biggest smile and approached. Another transfer student, huh? Well, she was probably the person most equipped to show her the ropes. First thing to mention was Shadis' 'Absolutely no food' policy. Then to mention that there was already someone in that seat, and that unfortunately she'd have to move, but they could still be friends!

But when Sasha approached and waved nervously, the girl just turned to her, a bored expression on her face, and said “Hey, today's a lab day, so you wanna partner?”

Wait a second-

“Krista?”

“What?” said the girl,  annoyed. Her glasses slumped along her nose.

“N-nothing! Just- you look different,”

“Well, couldn't really muster the shits to put on my face today.”

Huh. Sasha wondered if she should say she thought Krista looked ok, though she should probably at least put some cleanser on those zits before they scarred. 

Sasha looked around the class and saw Ymir chatting with Reiner and Berthold. Reiner was laughing, though Berthold looked a little confused and anxious.

Mikasa appeared.  She briefly surveyed the lab situation, and told Sasha she'd get Krista out of their station. Sasha imagined Mikasa gave Krista the puppy-dog face but it was probably more violent than that. Mikasa approached Reiner and Berthold and managed to convince Berthold to partner with Krista. Later when class started there wad a brief commotion, and Krista snared at the teacher. Shadis talked a bit about triple points and handed them pressure cookers and ice.

But Mikasa didn't hesitate to put Sasha's name on the group worksheet and she even helped Sasha put her goggles on. Shadis raised a surprised eyebrow but said nothing under Mikasa's stare. And they finished early and sat next to each other and Mikasa started trying to read one of Sasha's extra books. All in all it was rather pleasant.

 

//------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mikasa shadowed Sasha into the halls, following her to the vending machine and waiting for her to buy a piece of jelly bread amidst the turbulent hustle of children late to class. Sasha bought a second piece of jelly bread and offered some to Mikasa, who took it unflinchingly and nibbled it without making eye contact.

 

//------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Honors English was also a little weird. Sasha entered the room to find Ymir sitting in Mikasa's normal seat, next to Armin, and Krista in Sasha's usual seat, chatting up a confused Connie and Jean. Ymir and Armin talked excitedly, with Ymir pointedly ignoring Krista. 

And Mikasa subconciously grabbed Sasha's hand when she saw Armin. She paled a little and her eyes widened and Sasha had to boop her nose to try to get her back to normal. Luckily nobody saw it happen, so she didn't have to explain the whole display.

Sasha pulled up another chair to sit on the end of the table. A second Later Mikasa appeared, placing her own chair next to Sasha's. As the second person over the tables intended occupancy she only had a corner.

Connie was about to ask why the two new people had shown up but Ms. Lagner walked up and implied that a group of eight was too big and mentioned maybe splitting up.

“Well we need Sasha to help us pass this class,” argued Connie.

“But I'm willing to resort to violence and there are only five of you," rebutted Mikasa.

Jean paled and Marco gulped. Sasha laughed though.

“Oh Mikasa you kidder, " Sasha waved the air, "C'mon, you'll make some new friends.”

"But I already have you," mumbled Mikasa.

Sasha squeezed Mikasa's hand and smiled at her. "And you always will. But for now you can chill with Jean and Marco."

Jean sputtered, though Marco seemed ambivalent, which Sasha considered a success. Sasha tapped the phone Krista was playing with to get her attention.

“You have any preference Krista?”

Krista leaned under Sasha's head and mumbled so only the two of them could hear. “I'm just hiding in this herd of nerds so my ex thinks I'm handing the breakup well.”

“Krista's got no preference,” translated Sasha.

Eventualy, they split the desks into two sets of four, with Mikasa, Krista, Jean, and Marco in one group and Sasha, Connie, Thomas, and Mina in another. Mikasa sat at the end of her table so that she was within arm's reach of Sasha. They got some looks from the other students, and across tables, but Mikasa handled things with her usual aloofness and Krista never looked up from her desk.

 

//------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mikasa entered the Math classroom. At some point in the halls Sasha commented on the fact that they were sitting together every class period, and Mikasa didn't want to make it too weird, especially since Sasha suggested they split tables the previous class.

So Mikasa waved goodbye to Sasha and approached Annie. Annie had given her some useful life experience that came in handy yesterday, so Mikasa figured she might be able to get some more helpful advice. Annie didn't notice Mikasa hover next to her, so Mikasa went ahead and sat down, next to her, across from Berthold. Reiner usually sat in the fourth seat, so Mikasa figured she wouldn't be changing up the regular seating arrangement. That whole display in English class was super embarrassing and Mikasa never wanted to feel that way again. Armin gave a few nervous glances at Mikasa when she didn't sit next to him, but Mikasa worked really hard to ignore him.

It was hard, though. Mikasa felt her nose twitch and her stomach spike again. But it was worse in back in English, and it went away if she tried to focus on anything but Armin. Mikasa thought she'd gotten over it, but apparently not. Either way, she still wasn't speaking to that brother-stealer.

“Annie,” intoned Mikasa, “Would -"

“Ah, Mikasa,” replied Annie, her voice similarly flat but a little more whimsical, a little more forlorn. “Sorry I couldn't make it to Sasha's sleepover. Commitments and all that. The strings that pull upon and bind us.”

“That's okay, but-"

“And speaking of commitments, why weren't you at rugby last Friday? We had to run Armin. And seeing him try to play is a lot cuter without a game on the line. Not because I was worried about victory, you know me, but he lets the worry affect his game."

Mikasa sunk into her scarf. “What did you hear?”

“Eren told us you were sick. But you don't look sick, and the Yumikiri invited me to a sleepover party for your benefit, and that Sasha was going out of her way to throw this party for you. Those who value truth may see you as a sinner.”

Mikasa hoped her blush wasn't showing. “They said that? That the party was for me, I mean.”

“Almost exactly. They were, however, mum as to why you needed a party thrown for you. Or why you were missing from school and rugby.”

Mikasa shuffled in her seat. She almost made eye contact with Armin, which was when she decided she needed to change the topic.

“So Annie,” tried Mikasa again, “Would you consider us friends?”

Annie's face was impassive. Mikasa wondered if this was what it felt like to look at her face, but Annie eventually smiled solemnly, something Mikasa never did, and looking down for an iota before resuming eye contact. “I don't know if I would go that far,” said Annie, “But if you feel the appelation is meaningful, feel free to consider me a friend, scarf-rat.”

“You don't think friends are meaningful?”

“What is friendship?" Annie pontificated to the room. "Familiarity? Proximity? Shared interests? Shared experiences? Mutually assured destruction?”

“But you're friends with Reiner and Berhold, right?”

Annie looked Mikasa straight in the eye. “I would give my life to save either of them.”

“Awww,” said Reiner as he sat down. His face softened into a theatrical pout. Moisture condensed at the corner of his eyes. He wiped it away with one hand and had a hand on his heart when he said, “Thank you Annie. I'd do the same for-”

“Don't make this gay, Reiner.”

“<cough> right.”

Annie smiled at the ground again. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She resumed eye contact with Mikasa and her face slackened.

“But what brought this on?” she said. “Did something break up the three musketeers?”

“What? Um, noooo...”

“Did some Richelieu come along?” Annie leaned in, her smile suddenly wicked. “Was it Sasha? Did she drive you three apart?”

Mikasa didn't get the reference, so she assumed the worst and blushed. “What? No. I don't think so.” Mikasa twiddled her thumbs. “What's a Reesh-loo?”

“Cardinal Richelieu was the antagonist of the Three Musketeers. Alexander Dumas. It's a literary reference.” Annie almost looked smug.

Mikasa frowned. It was bad enough that Sasha was well-read; why did everyone else have to be too? Couldn't she get through life without having read anything written more than ten years ago?

Berthold and Reiner exchanged glances.

“You're implying I'm stupid.” said Mikasa.

“If you want to think so,” Annie smiled solemnly, “Then perhaps I am.”

“You're teasing me.”

“Oh? Why would I do that?”

“Out of fear. Maybe embarrassment. Or social awkwardness."

Annie chuckled. “I could be persuaded to belive that. You _are_ very terrifying, embarrassing and awkward.”

Mikasa cogitated. “You're still making fun of me.”

“Sure.”

There was a silence. Maybe it was awkard; MIkasa could never tell with these things.

“I actually wanted to ask about friendship.” said Mikasa. “I don't know if i'm a good friend. What am I supposed to do?”

“Mikasa, suffer no delusions,” Annie reached out and clasped Mikasa's hand, her face sincere except for the distant forlorn look in her eyes. “Friendship is a meaningless term. If you feel close to someone, then you're close to someone. If you feel you've failed somehow,” Annie looked off into the distance. “Then maybe you have. Or you're being hard on yourself. Either way, it may motivate you to be a better person in the future.”

Mikasa took a moment to process what Annie said. “That was remarkably unhelpful.”

“If you want to believe that, then sure.” Annie leaned back and pulled out her math book. Mikasa was vaguely aware that class was starting, and lowered her voice. “I thought I was telling you not to worry, and to trust your gut. I'm sure you'll do fine, and even if you don't, you can do better in the future. No fish in the sea is better than any of the other fish in the sea.”

Wait, what? When did they start talking about fishes? Mikasa decided to ignore that. “I've been wrong before about these sorts of things. I don't know if I can trust my gut.”

“Then you can trust your brain to tell you that you need to be wary of repeating past mistakes."

“Um.” Mikasa parsed Annie's sentence in her head. “Can I get a second opinion? What do you think?”

Annie opened her mouth. Then she closed it.

“I'm not sure,” she said eventually. “It seems like you've been mean to Sasha. That's what you were asking, right?”

Mikasa sunk into her scarf and nodded.

“But what do I know? Apparently things changed these last few days.”

“We've- we've gotten closer over the weekend."

“Just the weekend? Far be it for me to assign time as the primary indicator of intimacy but that seems a little short.”

Mikasa deflated a bit. That exact notion had been floating around her head the last few days.

“But then again, Berthold and I became friends over the course of a five hour car ride, so what do I know? How close do you think you got?”

“Well, uh,” Mikasa tried to find the best words to describe her situation. “Like, super close.” Nailed it.

“Well, if proximity is all that's necessary to friendship, I'm sure Sasha's your best friend, Mikasa.”

Mikasa blushed again. “Ok. Um. But I have been mean to her. What do you do when that happens?”

Annie raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Do you consider me to be a mean person? Is that why you think I'd have experience in this matter?”

Mikasa froze. “N-no! I didn't mean it like that,” she lied, “I meant- um- that we should pool our resources on social situations-"

“Reiner, would you consider me a mean person?”

Reiner bit the end of his pencil. “Well,” he began, “You can be a bit insensitive sometimes. But you're there when it matters. I wouldn't consider you mean."

Annie smiled at the ground. "Well, Mikasa, looks like social consensus says you're wrong. But other methods might say you're right. Which do you value?"

 "Oh, but you didn't answer my question-"

 "Mikasa," Annie adopted her sarcastic (as Mikasa later had pointed out to her ) encouraging demeanor, "The answer is inside you. It was all along."

"Oh," said Mikasa, "But that's not helpful-"

"Hey, get to work!" said the instructor in their general direction. 

 Annie chuckled and promised Mikasa she could go over things at lunch, if Mikasa thought such a thing would be useful. Mikasa wasn't hopeful, and regretted being unable to non-awkwardly switch seats next to Sasha. She moved anyway, and Sasha did laughed awkwardly at a classroom that was staring at them both. 

 

//----------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha glanced around at what was not her usual lunch group. Things got weird. Was that the right word? What do you call it when your friend group gets co-opted by someone who recently had a breakup?

“So what are you doing here Krista?”

Krista didn't look up from her phone. “I'm going to play Pokemon next to you guys so I look like a well-adjusted social animal. Same thing I did in english, really."

Sasha checked Krista's hands again. She wasn't holding a phone. She'd seen one of those before, what were they?

“So that's a, uh, Nintendo?” ventured Sasha.

“Oh, you play?” Krista looked up a moment, her eyes a little hopeful.

“Uh, no, 'fraid not.”

“I'll buy you the game as long as you play it enough to have tradable Pokemon."

Sasha scratched the back of her head “I don't even own one of those, actually.”

“I'll buy you the DS and the game if you promise you'll play.”

Sasha put on a nervous grin. “Uh, thanks, but no thanks."

Krista slumped back down. “Fine. I'll just trade with myself. It's not the only multiplayer activity I've been doing alone these days.”

“Krista, its been like a day. How much of your daily free time did you spend with Ymir?”

Krista reddened a little. “I don't have to answer that.”

"Weeeellll, ok," Sasha said. Krista didn't respond. 

 Sasha looked around and noticed a distinct lack of Mikasa around. Well shoot, when she said it was weird that Mikasa hung around her  _all_ the time, she didn't mean to go all the way in the opposite direction.

But one quick look around the lunchroom and Mikasa waved at her, unabashedly but unexcitedly. Matter-of-factly, like a 'hey, I'm over here'. She was sitting next to Berthold (and probably some other people; Sasha only saw Bertholt because he was tall), and nobody seemed to make a fuss about her mixing up the normal lunch seating.

Sasha grabbed a couple pieces of food, promised Connie she'd be right back, and walked over to where Mikasa sat along with Ymir, Berthold and Annie sat. Ymir and Berthold sat across from each other, taking up half the table by themselves with some sort of card game. Mikasa and Annie were ... conversing? It didn't look like they were communicating at all.

“Damnit!" said Ymir.

“I can play a different deck if you want,” said Berthold. “I think yours is a little fresh to play against this one.”

“No, I want to see if I can make this deck workable."

“Some match-ups will just work out better than others. I can throw together something more on par with that decks budget."

"Maybe I need more one-drops..."

"Yeah, if you splash red you have access to- oh hey Sasha,"

 Sasha made a greeting noise through a mouth stuffed with food. She sat down on the other side of Mikasa.

Mikasa looked at Sasha, like she didn't know what to do. She looked at Annie and bit her tongue and gave the 'i'm sorry' eyes.

"So, uh Annie," Sasha enunciated, "I guess Mikasa wants to talk to you?" 

"Perhaps." said Annie. She pulled a red plastic box out of her hoodie and pulled some plastic squares out of it, the same color as the box. "Ymir, I have some monastery swiftspears I can lend you if you want."

"But I don't have anything except forests on me."

Annie pushed the squares back in the box and handed the whole thing to Ymir. "Here you go. Take anything you need. There's some rabblemasters in there too. Good agro card."

"Huh, I didn't think you'd be a red player, Annie," 

Annie shrugged. 

Reiner appeared and sat down next to Sasha, across from Mikasa. He exchanged some greetings with the rest of the table, Sasha in particular, and started gorging on the cafeteria chicken. 

"So Mikasa," Reiner enunciated, "There's this 'mathlete' competition in the city in two weekends and Principal Pixis wants to enter our school. We have the highest two math scores so we're down to go, all expenses paid, if you're up for it."

Mikasa tilted her head. "Mathletes?"

"Yeah," Reiner shrugged, "they have t-shirts and everything. Think they're supposed to be sports jerseys or something."

"Heh, nerds," said Annie. Mikasa chuckled once.

" _Nerds!_ " echoed Berthold. Ymir snickered in response.

"But- but," Sasha started to say, and she started to gesture to the pile of cards on the lunch table. Everyone shot her a quizzical look, so Sasha sighed and stole a piece of Mikasa's lunch to stuff in her mouth. Mikasa didn't try to steal it back and simply watched Sasha chew.

"So anyway, Annie," Sasha enunciated. Annie looked up at her. "I guess Mikasa wants to talk to you?" 

"Maybe." Annie turned back to Ymir and they talked about cards for a bit.

"Well, uh, I'm already sitting at another table, so do you want to come sit with us while you resolve, uh, whatever this is?" Sasha gestured to her own table.

Ymir flashed a horrified expression. “Eh,” she said after she regained composure.

“No table is better than another. I am fine with switching,” said Annie.

"Sounds fun," said Reiner. He was mostly done with his lunch.

 "Well, Ymir and I can take the end tables and play some more," said Bertholdt, "Or we could eat our lunch. What're you up for?"

"Lunch is good. I'll concede this match, and then maybe throw something together with Annie's cards." Ymir looked a little calmer.

They got up to move, and right after they established arrangements at Sasha's table, Eren ran into the room, picking Armin up by her armpits. That turned a few heads. Then they smooched; that turned the rest of them. The room went silent.

Sasha looked at everyone, briefly, individually. Huh, so that's what it felt like from this side of the crowd.

“Armin and I have an announcement,” said Eren. “We are dating.” He didn't say it but his expression said 'got any problem with that?'

Armin blushed and put a strand of hair back behind her ear.

 The room stood still. Nobody even coughed or sneezed and there weren't even any crickets. Then Sasha finished chewing her mouthful.

“Wooo!” yelled Sasha. She clapped her hands. The sounds echoed through the cafeteria.

Connie shrugged and started clapping too. So did Reiner, then Berthold and Annie (who looked a little shell-shocked as she did).

Eventually the whole cafeteria clapped.

Eren and Armin looked pleasantly surprised. Eventually they bowed theatrically and adjorned to a booth and presumably did cute couple things. Not that Sasha peeked on them or anything.

“Huh, who'd have guessed?” said Connie.

 "It was a little obvious in retrospect," said Jean.

"So i guess the cat's out of the bag Mikas-" began Sasha. She idly turned to her right to stare at the seat Mikasa currently did not occupy. Sasha imagined a dotted outline or a puff of smoke in the shape of the missing girl. Her tray was still there, though, and Sasha took a piece of bread off of it.

"Alright, I better go look for her," said Sasha. Her own tray was near empty, so no big loss. 

It wasn't hard to find Mikasa. She was slumped on a bench in the adjacent hallway, looking forlornly in the distance. Sasha sat down next to her, offering Mikasa a piece of her own lunch. Mikasa sat up straight and smiled and shook her head, and Sasha finished the morsel.

“So, uh, I'm not going to ask if you're ok, since it's pretty clear you're not. Anything I can do?"

Mikasa shook her head, and then shook it wildly, like a dog trying to dry itself. She forced a smile. “I'm fine, though,” she said.

“Mikasa...,” 

“It's- its nothing.“ Mikasa refreshed her smile.

“That's not a real smile, Mikasa."

Mikasa slumped back down again. 

Sasha hugged her. Mikasa returned the hug with a single heavy squeeze.  

Sasha patted the not-so-stoic girl's head. “We're very sad people, y'know?”

"Yeah..."

"So tell me whats wrong and maybe I can help you."

“It's- it's stupid."

“Mikasa no! Your feelings are never stupid. You don't have to justify how you feel. Just- just tell me if you want me to help make it better."

Mikasa inhaled and exhaled. “I think I still have feelings for Eren. I know I shouldn't-" Mikasa broke eye contact. 

“You can't help your feelings, Mikasa."

"I just want to get over him. M-move on. Maybe." The last two sentences were barely a whisper, and Mikasa's face tinted a little. 

"Only if you want to. Nobody expects something as irrational as their heart to heal so soon." Mikasa didn't respond, so Sasha tried to keep the conversation going. "Besides, if you're gonna move on, who're you going to move on to?" 

Mikasa didn't laugh along. She just blushed harder and looked at the ground. "Y-yeah."

Sasha stopped laughing and mentally kicked herself. She shouldn't have joked about relationships. Definitely a sore spot.

"So you think you'll do the Mathlete thing?"

"I don't know. It wasn't very fun last year."

"Oh."

Sasha sat for a while longer, wondering how to cheer up Mikasa. She could play her trump card, but then she'd have nothing to do if Mikasa got sad later. But it wasn't something she could keep secret past this week, so she figured she'd just play it now.

"Well, uh, I was going to keep this as a surprise, but there's something I wanted to ask you," said Sasha.

Mikasa's face went neutral, occasionally flickering into something like expectant apprehension.

"So we can't get you a gun license on such short notice but we have an extra hunting vest, and more than enough room in the tent, so if you want to go hunting with me and my dad this weekend...?"

Mikasa blinked a couple times.

"For you it'd be like camping, I think, since you can't legally shoot at animals. It'll be loads of fun."

"Y-yeah." Mikasa cleared her throat. Her face brightened and a smile flickered onto her face. "I'd love to, yeah. Thanks for inviting me."

Mikasa's smile grew wider, and she laughed a happy laugh. Sasha considered it a job well done.

 

 //---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sasha pulled MIkasa back into the lunch room.

“So Mikasa,” Annie said as soon as Sasha and Mikasa got back, seemingly paralyzed everywhere except her mouth, “Armin and Eren are really a thing?”

Sasha tried to shoot her a death glare. She'd been on the receiving end of one of them from Miaksa so many times, so by all means she should have some rudimentary ability to do that, right?

“Yes,” said Mikasa, frozen in parallel to Annie.

But then Annie relaxed. She tilted her head down, and when she looked up, her expression was completely different. She stood up, stretched her back and said, “Reiner, I found something to believe in."

"Oh yeah?"

Krista slipped into Annie's empty seat. "Dibs on her shtick," she said, not looking up from her gamething. 

Annie looked triumphant. “The infinite, eternal power of Boy's Love (TM).”

Reiner did a spit-take. Berthold wasn't amused, and the both of them immediately grabbed some napkins to pat Berholdt down. He mentioned something about sleeves and why they were used.

Sasha thought the air around Mikasa underwent an endothermic reaction. “What.”

"So anyway," Annie stood up and walked next to Mikasa, "Mikasa, C'mon! You have to introduce me."

“You already know both of them. You actually see them more than I do.

“Yeah, but,” Annie began, “Not in a personal way. I can't go up to them all and bring up martial arts or math tutoring. It'd be super awkward."

Berholdt scrunched his face, leaning over from where he and Ymir were looking over little rectangles of cardstock. "I think it'll be super awkward no matter what you say," he said, "So I'd say just go for it. "

"Good point, but-" said Annie, "Mikasa could make it slightly less awkward."

"I don't want to," immediately replied Mikasa.

"Since when did you care about things being awkward, Annie?" said Ymir. Annie ignored her.

"C'mon, please?" Annie pleaded. Her voice became less monotonous. 

“I really don't want to," mumbled Mikasa. 

Annie shrugged. "Ok, ok. But I'm going to ask you again later." Annie left the table to awkwardly slink towards Eren and Armin's table. 

Sasha finished off another corner of her tray before she realized something.

“Wait.” she enunciated, “Boy's love? Armin's a boy?”

The table went silent for several long seconds. Connie was the first to burst into laughter.

“Ahahaha!” Connie said, "It's come to fruition!" 

“You thought he was a girl for four weeks?”

“<Snrrk>”

"Ahahahahahaha!"

"Seriously? No one corrected you?"

"Heheheh."

"Didn't you wonder why he wore boy's clothes all the time?"  

Sasha suddenly understood the appeal of a scarf to be able to sink into. She mentioned this to Mikasa, and Mikasa wrapped one end of her scarf around Sasha's neck. It meant they had to sit shoulder to shoulder, and the scarf smelled like something Sasha couldn't describe but made her hungry. 

 

 //-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 During Gym, Mikasa changed as quickly as she could to avoid the temptation to sneak a peak at Sasha changing. She made her way into the main court until she found Reiner, leaning against the wall. Berthold was nearby, as awlays, but luckly Ymir was talking to him about card games. 

“Reiner,” said Mikasa. She tried to make eye contact, but as soon as she thought about how to ask what she wanted to ask she found the floor much more compelling.

“Yeah Mikasa?” said Reiner. He smiled and idly flexed his arms.

“Can I ask you something?” she mumbled.

“Yeah, go ahead Mikasa," Reiner nodded.

“It's kind of personal. I understand if you don't want to answer." Mikasa glanced at Berthold and Ymir. Reiner seemed to understand, and took a step away from them.

 Reiner paused for a moment. "Well the worst I can say is 'no', right?"

Mikasa took a breath and tried to steady the shaking in her shoulders.  “How did you figure out that you're gay?”

Reiner's face got serious. He nervously glanced around (Berthold and Ymir didn't seem to hear) and leaned in to answer.

“I guess I sort of always knew? Why do you ask..."

Mikasa sunk into her scarf. “I think I have a crush on Sasha.”

Reiner took a moment ot process that, and then a smile spread across his face, ear to ear. “Aha, awesome!” His smile faded suddenly. “Does she know?”

“Uh,” said Mikasa, “Luckily it appears she is very unobservant."

"Sounds unlucky to me."

"Yeah, I can't decide if its lucky or unlucky. "

 Reiner slid down the wall until he sat on the floor. He patted the ground next to him. Mikasa took a seat as well.

"So are you worried about whether or not to come out? Your parents seem super accepting."

 "It's not them I'm worried about."

"Ah, so its Sasha." Reiner looked thoughtful. "Krista tells me she hasn't expressed interest in anyone except possibly you."

Mikasa blushed. "Oh." she said lamely. She tried to keep her elation in check.

"So take this with a grain of salt, but I think she'd be cool with it."

"What odds would you give?"

Reiner looked throughtful. "About 80%, I think." 

"So what if she doesn't?"

Reiner shrugged. "As far as I'm aware, you eat a tub of ice cream, watch some sad movies, and eventually get over it."

"But I'm living with her right now."

Reiner opened his mouth. Then he closed it. "Ah. That complicates matters. But can't you just move back in with your family?"

Mikasa shook her head frantically. 

"Still about Eren?"

Mikasa nodded timidly. 

Reiner rubbed his chin. "So honestly, I don't think I'm the most qualified person to tell you what to do. This is a big decision and it can change your whole life, for better or worse."

"I don't care about my whole life. That's a problem for Future!Mikasa." Mikasa bit her tongue for a moment. "I just don't know what I should do about my feelings  _now._ "

"Do you think you can keep your feelings inside you forever?" said Reiner.

"Thats what I want to know. If that's a viable option."

"It might be. I can only speak for myself, though. You could wait until you're financially independent. Then you don't have to give two shits what other people think. Except your boss and your landlord, maybe." Reiner chuckled forlornly.

"I don't think I can wait that long."

"Hmm. Can you distract yourself? Like with schoolwork or something?"

"I don't think so."

"What about sports? Focus on that?"

"Eren's in them all. I can't face him."

"Ah," said Reiner. He stood up. Apparently the gym teachers were ready to go over the day's activities. "Well, it sounds like you have some stuff to sort out with Eren. 

Mikasa nodded forlornly. "Yeah." 

"But I think you already know what to do about Sasha. And I say go for it." He glanced at Berthold, for an almost imperceptibly brief moment. "Though I'm one to talk, yeah?"

"Ok," said Mikasa. She got up and walked over to where Sasha and Connie were doing something silly with the soccer balls being handed out. Reiner said she should go for it, but for some reason that didn't help bolster her resolve. The next time Sasha spoke to her, Mikasa had to ask the brunette to repeat herself, and Mikasa found her throat was dry when she tried to respond. 

 

//------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Ymir didn't show up in history, but it was otherwise normal. But after that and before Biology, Mikasa bowed and apologized and absconded and promised she'd be right back. Sasha waved goodbye and made her way to her next class. 

The halls were sparse enough to give the appearance of privacy; clusters of students stood around far enough apart that their talk was loud enough to muddle other conversations but not loud enough to be overheard themselves.

Sasha spotted a familiar blond girl (no, wait, _boy_ ) in the halls, and decided to take the moment to clear the air. Since Armin was actually a boy that made the last four weeks  _reaaaaaaaalllly_ awkward. Like, holy carp she wanted to live with a paper bag over her head. But at least Mikasa didn't have to feel inadequate at all. Eren would never like her the way she wanted, and it wasn't her fault he was gay, which meant she could move on and start smiling again. 

“Hey, Armin,” began Sasha, tapping the blond on the shoulder.

Armin looked at her in surprise and shirked back. 

“H-hey Sasha. What's up?"

“So." Sasha shuffled awkwardly. "I owe you a huge apology. I'm sorry."

“F-for what?” Armin looked nervous.

Sasha glanced at the wall. “I've been referring to you as a girl these last four weeks. No one corrected me.” Not even you, Sasha didn't say.

“Oh!” Armin blushed and looked at the ground. “Oh. Don't- don't worry about that.” He (yeah, he) twiddled his thumbs and glanced around the mostly empty halls. “Actually, if you don't mind, uh, could you keep doing it?”

Sasha tilted her head to the side. “Why would I do that? You're a boy.”

Armin grimaced. “I- I don't really feel that way, actually.”

Sasha tilted her head the other way. “What do you mean?”

“I- I mean I like to think of myself as a girl."

Sasha furrowed her brow. “So has everyone else been mistaken? You should say something-"

“No!” squeaked Armin. “No. Its not their fault. They're just doing what everyone's been doing since- since I was assigned male at birth. Uh..."

Armin looked at his hands. Sasha pulled a granola bar out of her pocket in attempt to fill the silence. “So you're,” she ventured, “A- a girl on the inside?”

Armin looked up from his (her?) hands and smiled and nodded. 

"Oh. Yeah. Huh," enunciated Sasha, "I don't really understand it, but I guess that makes sense." 

Armin's smile faded for a second. "That's as much as I can hope for, I guess."

Sasha panicked for a moment. "I mean-, I'm sorry- Did I say something wrong?" 

"I'm a girl. Just with some private medical stuff that a lot of other girls don't need to deal with. Whats so hard to understand?"

Sasha bit into her granola bar. "Nothing, I guess. Yeah. Sorry. You're a girl. Yeah."

They both nodded through an awkward silence. 

“I think," Sasha began, "-and not that I'm any big part of how you should organize your life and all- but I think you should see like a therapist or something about this, if-.”

“Oh, I did,” said Armin to the floor, “And- and there's some private stuff I don't really want to talk about. I'm doing stuff for it, but-! But I don't want to come out to everyone just yet. I- I mean, Eren's known forever and he's super supportive but everyone else- I've known them for so long and, uh, yeah."

"So you're avoiding coming out as long as possible?"

Armin nodded. 

Sasha frowned. _That_ certainly didn't help her make up her mind. Then she shook her head and refreshed her smile.

"So, uh," said Sasha, "We should, uh, go shopping or something? Some sort of normative female bonding ? I'm not a very good girl either I'm afraid..."

Armin shot Sasha the dirtiest look.

"I mean-" Sasha facepalmed, smearing some chocolate chip on her cheek. "I didn't mean it like that. Its just there's no right way to be a girl, right? So, like, uh-" Sasha bit her lip. "Actually, I don't think you want me telling you how to be a girl, so..."

Armin nodded tentatively.

"But seriously, uh, we should go out somewhere," Sasha brightened for a second. "Oh! I'll invite Mikasa, even though she seems to be holding a grudge."

Armin bit her lip. "Yeah, she does hates me now."

Sasha took another bite of her food. "I think I might be able to help with that, I think."

Armin lit up, her eyes widened. "Really?"

Sasha's heart beat against her ribcage for a second and she felt her face flush and she got really hungry. Later she'd be really embarrassed by that.  "Y-yeah."

She turned the wall and coughed.

“So. Uh. It'll be awkard if Annie finds out. She's over the moon about you and Eren's 'boy's love.'”

Armin brushed his ( _her_ ) hair back. “Haha, Annie. She had a crush on me for the longest time. And I liked her back, which made me question whether I was really a girl on the inside. So I kind of resent her now. I know I shouldn't, but- but feelings, you know. You can't control them.”

Sasha bit into her granola bar. “Girls can like other girls, though,” said Sasha.

“But I want to be a normal girl."

Now it was time for Sasha to shoot Armin a dirty look. 

"I mean- aha. Yeah. My bad." Armin laughed morbidly, "You know what Annie says about two people never being able to understand each other in a way either party finds meaningful?"

"Ahaha, I don't think she  _really_ believes that."

The conversation petered out then, and the 'one minute to class' bell rang. 

“So, uh- thank you Sasha. It makes me glad to know I could pass as a woman without even trying.”

"Oh. Yeah. Ok."  

Sasha cogitated on her way to her next class. So Armin was a girl after all. It wouldn't change anything for her, how she treated Armin, actually. Not even the feeling of wanting to put a bag over her head hadn't gone away; Sasha'd been soooooo awkard there. If they were going to go shopping she'd have to try talking to Armin a bit more without screwing up.

But if Armin was actually a girl, and Eren knew, that meant Armin was a better girl than Mikasa, in order to win over Eren's heart (Euugh, now she's using cheesy romance terms? She'd been spending too much time listening to MIkasa). 

Man, that'd kill Mikasa's self esteem. Sasha figured she'd better keep that to herself, at least for the moment. 

 

 //------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Biology was relatively uneventful, though Sasha thought Instructor Zoe looked at the two of them the same way Krista did during the first half of thier sleepover. After school, Sasha lamented the impenetrable crowd of students, so Mikasa grabbed Sasha's hand and weaved through the crowd. Sasha appeared at the bus stop early, with a fair a mount of surprise and even more gratitude for Mikasa. 

Sasha boarded the bus and sat down. Mikasa appeared in the seat beside her and offered an earbud. Mikasa bit her lip and had to try three times to make eye contact with Sasha. Sasha smiled and took it and tried to come up with a way to politely tell Mikasa her music was carp.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BONUS SCENE.

 

"So Berthold," said Mikasa, "Advice?" 

Berhold shuffled around for a moment. "Take out the Gods Willing for some utility creatures."

"Cool, thanks."

 

 


	14. The Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sasha and Mikasa smooch, on the mouth, with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Attack on Titan; Hajime Isayama does.
> 
> I guarantee no expertise on or even basic knowledge of romance, kissing, or pokemon.
> 
> This has been a long time coming, hasn't it?
> 
> Second half's taking too long to write, so split this chapter in half and hopefully will have the next part done faster than i have in the past.

Mikasa had it all planned out. It was Wednesday, and she'd had a couple days to plan this. She'd wait till lunch and then she'd spring her trap. No, that came out wrong; she'd end it all. No that was even worse. She'd fulfill her purpose. Dammit, why was this so hard?

She'd make her move. She'd make sure Sasha knew how she felt. And then she'd worry about the rest. Ok, that took an embarrassingly long time to articulate. 

It would be weird to give Sasha a love letter, since she sat by her in all the morning classes, and she'd wonder why Mikasa needed to write a letter. And letters were old fashioned anyway; Mikasa'd do something way more tailored to the recipient. Way more special.

Mikasa had ducked out of their homework session the previous night to fill a lunchbox she paid Annie to procure for her (it looked like it was intended for 4 year old girls, confirming in Mikasa's mind that Annie did in fact have a sense of humor. But it could still hold food, and that was the important part) with the best food she was able to make from stuff in Sasha's pantry; A peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an apple. Maybe she'd buy a granola bar from a school vending machine to spice it up.

She wrote her plan on a note-card, so she wouldn't forget it, but since all the research she'd done into romances through her novels said that it was pretty much guaranteed such a note would inevitably get found out by the wrong people (Mikasa shuddered when she pictured Armin finding the note) so she wrote it in a cipher, backwards, elongated across the height so you could only read it by tilting the card. Mikasa peeked at it whenever she had a chance; in halls, during Literacy when Sasha was reading, when she pretended to need the bathroom but just wanted to review it. 

Then, right before lunch, she ate the note. 

That was where things stopped going according to plan. In the certainly no more than two seconds it had taken Mikasa to duck into a corner, review her itinerary one last time and eat a 3'' by 5'' piece of cardstock, Sasha had dissipated. 

And it took Mikasa way too long to figure out that Sasha had gone to the lunchroom. At lunch time; who would have guessed? 

Sasha had just gotten out of line and was making her way to one of the cafeteria tables that held their friends (it was weird they all started to sit together, Mikasa thought idly), and she saw Mikasa and waved at her. Mikasa caught up with her quarry between cafeteria tables. 

"Hey, uh,” said Mikasa, ignoring the crowd, slightly disheartened, for Sasha had gotten a tray of cafeteria food. Chicken nuggets, watery green beans, and a dinner role Sasha was already half way through. Mikasa bit her lip and tapped the lunchbox in her hands, then she held it out at arms length, an inch from Sasha's chest. “Here,” she said, "for you."

“Awww, did you make me lunch?” enunciated Sasha. Mikasa nodded at the ground. 

“You should have said something! I already got some chicken nuggets."

Mikasa felt the world end. Maybe it wasn't too late to rescind her offer and try again tomorrow-

"But I'm always hungry," Sasha said after she gulped down her mouthful, "So let me morph this down real quick with the gang and I'll get to this-"

"Actually!" Mikasa said, idly thanking some sort of vague amalgamation of deities that the plan was saved, "Can we eat in the halls? Just the two of us?"

Sasha paused for only a second then nodded, smiling without opening her mouth so the rest of her dinner roll wouldn't fall out. By the time they found a bench in an empty section of the school, Sasha had already eaten all the cafeteria food and flipped the empty tray as she chewed. 

Mikasa forced her breathing to be steady as Sasha opened the Queen Elsa lunchbox and carefully, reverently pulled out a ziplock bag full of a sandwich. The jelly was soaking through the bread- Mikasa cursed everything, she should have known that, how jelly soaked through bread .

"Aw, peanut butter and jelly? Classic.“ Sasha pulled the meal out, seemingly unperturbed by its soggy state, and bit into a corner. She made 'mm' noises and glanced at Mikasa, probably to make her feel better. 

Mikasa smiled, nervously. Sasha seemed to like the sandwich, but maybe she should try to gauge how Sasha felt about the apple and granola bar? Did she want Sasha to be in the best possible mood, or was that bringing doubt to her plan of a love confession?  No, she couldn't wait any longer.

“I need to tell you something Sasha,” said Mikasa.

“What is it?” Sasha tried to say through a mouth full of three-quarters of a sandwich.

“Um,” Mikasa began. This was it. Funny how all the stuff she wanted to say seemed to fly out of her memory the time she wanted to say them. Why did she eat that note again? (It was the only thing she ate all day, so maybe hunger was interfering with her higher speech functions). Her consternation did give Sasha time to swallow her food though.

Sasha looked down to take another bite, but before she could, Mikasa made her move. She put her hand Sasha's wrists, intercepting the sandwich, and when Sasha turned to her to ask what was up, Mikasa brought her head right in front of Sasha's and stared into her eyes, breathlessly and desperately, for just a moment. Mikasa inhaled-

And then she smooched her.

 

THE END. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

jk lolno. 

 

Sasha tasted exactly how Mikasa imagined she would (well, in Mikasa's more realistic imaginings, anyway.). Crumbs brushing against her cheek, the taste of what Sasha recently ate intermingling with that kind-of-bland but human taste of her lips. Mikasa leaned in, putting an arm under Sasha's back to steady the brunette. Their teeth knocked, and Mikasa sucked on Sasha's lower lip before smashing the whole of her lips against Sasha's with a cathartic moan. 

Mikasa then opened her eyes- 

And Sasha recoiled, her hand on her mouth and a look of horror on her face. There were the beginnings of tears in the corner of her eyes. 

"I-" Mikasa managed to say before her body went numb, starting from her chest, "I'm sorry-." And she ran, forcing her body to move, losing feeling in her limbs, not hearing what Sasha called after her. 

 

 

//-----------------------------------------------------

 

"Mikasa, wait!-" Sasha said to a receding blur-

And it was too late. 

Sasha ran through what happened in her head, and she looked at the remains of Mikasa's sandwich, and the lunchbox, and her empty cafeteria tray. She looked into the halls, now slowly filling with students, and she rubbed her mouth again, delicately. 

Sasha slumped against the bench. "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."

She opened and closed her mouth a couple times and put the remainder of Mikasa's sandwich in the zip lock bag, and put it in the lunchbox. The box was really cute, and she wouldn't have expected Mikasa to have that side to her, especially since she had seemed to be unaware of Disney princess movies until two days ago, unless she just neglected to tell Sasha about them.

Sasha sighed and packed up her things and went to the lunch room. 

Lunch wasn't over, but she saw a group of her friends sitting together, Annie and Reiner and Krista. 

"Hey guys, did Mikasa come by here?" Sasha said as she took a seat in the last seat of their table. 

"No no," said Reiner to Krista, "Annie was never condescending or belligerent. Her nihilism was true nihilism; all-encompassing, denying even the reaction of nihilism. It was actually a little refreshing."

Krista scrunched her face dejectedly, but then her expression flattened. "Whatever. Nihilism's stupid anyway." She pulled out her Nintendo-thing and stared at it.

"Cool you can just have a Nintendo schick," said Sasha, "so Mikasa. Roughly this tall," Sasha pontificated, "vaguely Asian, red scarf. Anyone seen her?"

"Apparently they changed the way shinies breed since I last played so I spent all of yesterday making literally no progress," said Krista.

"They actually changed that back in like gold and silver," said Annie, a little condescendingly, contrary to Reiner's observation of complete emotional supplication.

Krista lit up a little. "Oh, you play?"

Annie pulled out a red flip phone looking thing that was, besides the color, identical to Krista's. "Mostly Fire Emblem, actually, but I picked up _Y_ last year." _  
_

"Get it?" said Reiner, "Because 'whyyyy?' You know, like nihilism?"

"So Mikasa-" Sasha tried to interject.

Krista tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "So you have trades, maybe?"

Annie smirked slightly. "I might be persuaded to get back into it. Maybe during my cardio sessions."

Krista leaned forward on her table. "So you wanna meet up after rugby practice today? I know this coffee shop and we can talk about-

"Don't make it gay, Krista." Annie's expression flattened.

Krista flinched and leaned backwards, "No I didn't- I wasn't hitting on you-"

"You totally were," said Reiner as he pulled out his own game-thing. Those seemed to be popular, huh?

"I'm deeply flattered," said Annie, not sounding flattered at all. She clutched a fist to her chest and looked into the distance, "But there's is only room in my heart for one thing- and by the way Sasha, thanks for lending me that book," Annie reached "You have any other boy's love books? I can't believe I didn't know about this genre until this week.'

"Yeah cool," Sasha said, waving the book away, "I'll tell you later, but-"

"Ugh, Romance" said Krista, "You know, I don't understand how you can stomach that drivel. Why, ever since-"

"Yeah, yeah, you're a sad sack of rejected crap," interjected Sasha, "Can you _please_  tell me if Mikasa came by here?" 

The table went silent and stared at Sasha for a moment, which only made Sasha angrier. Then Krista chuckled some half-choked death chuckle. "Wow Sasha, harsh."

"Yeah," said Annie, leaning back and folding her arms and nodding in slight approval. "I don't think I've ever seen you angry before."

"I'm trying to find Mikasa and you clowns are-" Sasha began. She realized she had flipped her empty cafeteria tray onto the floor and was standing up, leaning over the table menacingly. So She closed her eyes and took a breath. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. But have any of you seen Mikasa?"

"Why, what'd she do?" said Reiner, who resumed frequently glancing back to his game thing.

"Did she finally confess?" said Krista.

"Wait, what?" said Annie, "She swings that way?"

Reiner slapped Krista's arm. "Dude, not cool!" 

"But- Annie totally knew!" Krista looked mortified, "Mikasa asked her for love advice on Monday!"

Annie looked genuinely confused, the first time Sasha had ever seen her be. "Wait, was that what she was talking about?"

"So Sasha, is that what Mikasa did?" said Reiner, an apprehensive smile creeping onto his face.  

"I'll tell you all later," said Sasha, "But did you-

Then the lunch bell rang. Lunch was over, and they had five minutes to get to gym.

Sasha lost it for a moment. "GOD DAMMIT YOU'RE ALL USELESS." She stormed off, but then scurried back to her three stunned classmates and bowed quickly and muttered a quick "(Sorry)" before running to gym.

 

 

 //------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 Sasha hurried to gym, and Mikasa wasn't in the locker room. She tried to deduce if Mikasa's locker had been disturbed, but she couldn't do that without actually opening it, which was totally a breach of privacy. So Sasha promised herself she'd only do that if she didn't see Mikasa after a quick peak into the gym proper.

But she did. Mikasa hadn't left the school, she was slumped against the bleachers in her gym uniform. Sasha breathed a sigh of relief. Mikasa did that thing where you saw someone you wanted to avoid, and you knew they saw you and were heading towards you but you tried to not notice so you didn't have to talk until they were right in front of you.

But when Sasha did take a seat next to Mikasa, the stoic girl turned to her. 

"So Mikasa," began Sasha, as delicately as she could.

"I'm sorry," blurted Mikasa, her composure shattered, "I shouldn't have kissed you-"

"Mikasa-"

"I didn't take your feelings into account and you hate that and I'm sorry-"

Sasha tried to be a little more forceful, "Mikasa,-"

"And I understand if you never want to see me again, you can burn the stuff I left at your house-"

"MIKASA!" 

Mikasa clamped her hands over her mouth, but not before she intoned a little apology.

"It's okay," said Sasha. She put her hand on Mikasa's knee. "I'm not going to burn your stuff and of course I want to see you again. I like you, you know?"

Mikasa took way too long to process that. Sasha pulled out the last of the sandwich Mikasa made her and started eating it (She'd smuggled it in for this exact eventuality). That helped Mikasa know Sasha wasn't lying. 

"It's really good, even if it's just a PB&J and its a little soggy," enunciated Sasha, "Because its made with Love." 

Ms. Ral almost came by to yell at her for bringing food into the gym but Reiner intercepted her, they would later learn. He gave Mikasa three different thumbs up, sequentially, none of which Mikasa noticed. 

Mikasa looked relieved for only a second. "But," she stammered, "Your reaction..."

"Oh," Sasha enunciated. She smiled a cheery closed-eyed smile that she hoped was reassuring. "That was just because you're a terrible kisser."

Mikasa opened her mouth. Then she closed it, and then she looked confused and scandalized. "What?" she said.

"Its really cool that you like me!" said Sasha, "And I think I like you back, like, romantically. But barring the emotions, the actual kiss was probably the worst experience of my life."

Mikasa's face reddened and she furrowed her brow and failed to make words come out of her mouth. 

"But that's okay-" Sasha said, realizing something was wrong.

"You didn't like the kiss?"

Now Sasha looked confused. She rubbed her jaw. "Well, my mouth's still a little sore but my teeth stopped hurting and I'm not bleeding anymore, so no lasting harm done-"

"Excuse me for a moment," said Mikasa, flatly. She stood up and marched off and got lost in the crowd of classmates.

For the second time that hour Sasha ineffectually called after a receding blur. "Mikasa wait!" 

And she slumped against the bleachers.


	15. The Kiss Part 2: More Kissing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More kisses. Also some self-discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own these characters; Hajime Isayama does. 
> 
> I guarantee no expertise in or even basic knowledge of love, romance, nihilism, the physiological effects of love, break-ups, magic the gathering, Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition, kissing, how to kiss, asexuality, homosexuality, relationships, high-school gender socialization, and (particularly in Annie's case) realistic dialogue. 
> 
> And that's especially true for asexuality-spectrum. I hope I do not offend. And full disclosure: Sasha was not originally envisioned as asexual; it seemed to make sense that she'd be 8 or so chapters in. So, looking back, there are a lot of scenes with her that I would have written differently if I'd realized she was asexual sooner. So here's hoping the ret-con isn't too forced, and apologies to any asexual readers who feel their experiences aren't accurately represented by Sasha here.

“So just making sure,” said Krista, “You didn't bring me into this locker for some hot lesbian makeouts?”

Mikasa froze. What? Not even.

“What? No.” said Mikasa aloud. She released the smaller girl and stepped back and brushed herself off. They were in the locker room, while class was going. Not all the lights were on and it was a little cold. Mikasa had dragged Krista in there when the teacher's weren't looking. 

Krista did something with her face. Relief? Disappointment?

Mikasa had to look at the ground when she spoke next. “Well, maybe.”

Krista's face reddened and her eyes widened before being obscured by her glasses fogging up. Shock? ”Oh uh. Wow, Well, -”

“I mean I need to learn how to kiss.” Mikasa said.

Krista stared at her as she cleaned her glasses. She titled her head. Maybe she was confused?

“I kissed Sasha,” Mikasa explained. That should clear up everything.

But apparently not. “Oh? Did she not like it?”

Mikasa gritted her teeth and her face felt hot in shame. “No.”

Krista blinked a couple times. “I'm sorry,” she seemed genuine, “My gaydar's been off lately, I guess. Sucks that she's not into girls.”

“No,” Mikasa stated, “She likes me. Just not my kissing.”

Krista blinked a couple more times. “What, you're _that_ bad a kisser?

Mikasa had to force her words through teeth clamped shut. “ _Apparently.”_

And Krista burst into laughter.

“It's not funny,” Mikasa said. She felt her cheeks grow even more hot and her nose twitched, which may have counteracted the menacing impression she was trying to make.

“No, it's just-” Krista cleared her throat and brushed herself off. “Forgive me. Relationships just seem a little cruelly ironic nowadays.”

Krista would probably wax melancholic about her breakup if Mikasa didn't interrupt, so Mikasa decided to push things along. “I brought you here because you are experienced in kissing and because you said you'd be willing to help me out. Are both of these still true?” Mikasa said.

Krista nodded slowly. She cogitated, probably only for a moment, but her face frowned or something.

“Well, I'd love to help,” she began. Mikasa knew what that meant.

“I'll give you my old Pokemon games.”

Krista frowned again, but her voice didn't sound particularly unhappy. “The new one's aren't backwards compatible, genius.”

“I'll do your homework for a week."

“I'm not doing particularly bad in any of my classes.”

“I'll get you back together with Ymir.” That should work, right? It wasn't an empty promise; Mikasa sort of thought she had a plan how to do that. 

Krista looked shocked, and then she brightened, and then her face faded, and then she looked angry. “The break up was mutual.” she said through gritted teeth.

“Then why are you the one playing Pokemon in the corner while Ymir's off making new friends?”

Krista frowned tremendously. “You know, you're annoyingly perceptive sometimes."

Mikasa grinned. “'Been practicing.”

“What, you got a guide or something?”

“Yes.” Mikasa idly tapped a pocket.

Krista looked at her with an expression not on Mikasa's chart.

“Well,” Krista said, “I don't think you'll succeed, but what the hell.” she pulled out her 3DS. “Knock yourself out.”

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I don't know why it matters,” Sasha said to the air. She hadn't gotten up from where she slumped against the bleachers when Mikasa ran away again.

Connie sat besides her, dribbling a basketball as best as he could while sitting.

“Well, it's a pride thing, maybe?” he said, “You kind of insulted her.”

“But I didn't!” Sasha said, exasperated. “I told her I liked her, and she just ignored me.”

Connie visibly sweated. “I dunno, maybe she hoped you liked her as much as she did you?”

“But I said I did!”

Mikasa was a little strange, and Sasha liked that. She even told Mikasa she liked that about her. But this was not what she meant when she said she liked the strange.

Or maybe Mikasa interpreted that as 'be more weird; Walk out on me after you've kissed me, before I get to explain myself.'

Ugh.

It's not like being girlfriends would change much. They already lived together, sort of, (And, Sasha realized, when Mikasa made up with her family, it'd be a step backwards in their relationship if she moved back into her house). They knew a lot of about each other. (Was this why Mikasa was determined to get to know her last Sunday?) They even-

They met each others parents. That was a big step in relationships, right? Well, in Sasha's case, she'd simply talked to both of them- Carla more than Grisha, but still. And Mikasa'd met Sasha's mother. That was the most Sasha'd opened her heart to anyone.

So basically, dating would just be a formality. They'd kiss more, sure, but their relationship wouldn't change, really. In retrospect, there wasn't really a huge impetus to be girlfriends, if they already did everything together.

Well, it'd be nice to go on dates, maybe. Sasha could take Mikasa to her favorite food place at the mall. And they could cook together, and read together. They already did some of that, though.

Except Mikasa had to go run out all the time. Maybe Mikasa was having second thoughts because that was Sasha's first kiss and apparently she didn't respond the right way. Was she just gonna give up on the whole relationship thing because Sasha didn't like the kiss?

That last was probably some irrational fear, but since Mikasa just RAN AWAY instead of talking to her about it, it stuck in her mind. 

And of course Sasha didn't hold anything against Mikasa, and she'd never tell this to the stoic girl's face, but maybe it was this exact behavior that was the reason she was now living away from home and not on speaking terms with her brother.

See, this is why Sasha never did the dating thing at her past schools. There was always these weird rules and protocols and traditions that people seemed to care more about than just, you know, hanging out.

Wasn't it enough that they liked each other?

Connie was talking again, a little liltedly. “I mean, kissing's a big part of relationships, right? So maybe Mikasa was concerned you didn't want to be her girlfriend?"

Sasha waved the air. “Nah, relationships are about trust and feeling comfortable with each other. And we've got that." Hopefully.

“Well, that's true,” Connie said. He visibly sweated, “But couples kiss, right?”

“I guess,” Sasha shrugged. “I don't really think it matters though.”

“Well, it looks like this matters a lot to Mikasa,” said Connie, “So uh,” he shrugged and scrunched his mouth to the side. “Maybe that's enough for you to think it matters too?

Sasha cogitated. Connie passed her the basketball.

“Ok, yeah. If it means that much to her,” Sasha said, “I guess I can  _lie to her face._ "

"Well, if you put it like that..." Connie said, "But, well, maybe she can work at it? I thinks that's where she's off now...

Sasha's heart sopped for a moment. "She's practicing kissing? With someone?" After she heard the words out of her mouth, though, her heart resumed. "I guess that's okay. I wish she knew she didn't have to do that."

“You didn't say anything about relationships having compromise earlier,” Connie said. He looked like he didn't think he was qualified to have this conversation, but was trying his best. That may have been right. “I think that that's a part of it too, with the trust and stuff? So maybe you have to give up some stuff, or do things you might not normally do? ”

“Yeah but, I mean, should you have to?” Sasha spun the basketball in her hand. She was trying to spin it on her finger, and was almost at the point where she could do so for three seconds. “Shouldn't you find someone who loves you for you?”

“Like soul mates?” Connie said, “I guess maybe you should ask yourself if you're going to give up a good partner by holding out for a perfect one?”

Sasha bit her cheek. “Well, I wouldn't give up on Mikasa,” she nodded as she cogitated.

Connie made to get up. Maybe because the gym teachers were talking at them. “So maybe you can, uh, well, bear with Mikasa on this one?"

“Ok yeah." Sasha bounced the basketball to Connie and stood up and stretched. "Whatever she needs."

Connie relaxed a bit and he wiped his brow. "So how's your biology project going?"

"Aw man," Sasha said, "Mikasa doesn't have any preference for which animal we do, right? So I'm trying to decide between wolves and bears..."

 

 //-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

Mikasa peaked her head back into the gym.

Today hadn't gone at all how she planned.

Not even including the parts before the kiss, even.

She'd hoped Sasha would return the kiss, obviously, and that they'd be a couple and live happily ever after. Or something. It was hard to remember.

And her brain was all fractures. Fractured. Fractals?

Ymir was chatting with Berthold about something. Mikasa walked up and explained what she needed and Ymir hesitantly agreed to follow her into the locker room. Mikasa kept an eye on the gym instructors until she found an opening.

A part of her noticed Sasha was still sitting in front of the bleachers. She was chatting to Connie.

Mikasa turned away. Sasha liked her back, and that was good, but-

But she was so _insensitive_ sometimes.

Mikasa was an awful kisser? Did Sasha even realize how much thought and effort and energy Mikasa put into this? This was, like, her whole life these past few days. She'd got significantly less sleep than normal that last night, out of worry.

Mikasa sighed. That was completely hypocritical, she knew, but-

Well, Sasha was the one who told her to be mindful of other people's feelings. Mikasa tried, too, but it was a little frustrating that Sasha'd mess up her own advice too. Or maybe it was refreshing, because if other people could make mistakes like that, Mikasa didn't have to worry about messing up so much.

But Mikasa was trying to be more conscious of other people's feelings. She'd started with Sasha- looking at her face more, comparing it to that chart she'd found and trying to react according to what emotions it seemed she was affecting, but everyone was subtly different, and sometimes what they said changed the meaning of their expressions.

Krista was upset since the breakup, she'd gathered. That was why she stopped wearing make-up and stopped talking to people and started playing Pokemon again and started wearing her glasses again. That was easy to figure out.

Ymir was a little harder to figure out. She hung out with Berthold and Reiner and sometimes Annie as much as possible, and laughed a lot, so it looked like she was happy.

Armin was always nervous, but Mikasa knew that from before.

Her different teachers seemed not to like it when Mikasa stared at their faces, and adults seemed harder to read in general. 

Sasha was by far the easiest to read. Maybe it was because they knew each other so well. Or maybe Sasha was just really obvious all the time.

And Sasha's expression said she still liked her- probably- but-

Arg, that was so mean. Sasha didn't mean to be mean, Mikasa was sure (she was in that same boat recently), but it still hurt.

Well, if this was all going to depend on her kissing skills, Mikasa was going to call in some experts.

Which got them back to the situation at hand. The door closed behind them, silently (so silently that it would later turn out that their appearance took Krista by surprise) and Mikasa led Ymir into the locker room.

Krista was playing Pokemon when they walked in. Mikasa could hear the music. 

Ymir didn't break the silence, so Mikasa coughed, not very loud, but Krista flinched regardless. She eyed Ymir, and then Mikasa, and then her hands.

“Historia,” said Ymir. That's right, 'Krista' was like, her middle name or something.

“Ymir.” stated Krista.

They stared at each other at first, but three seconds in they stopped. Maybe that was the threshold for uncomfortable stares?

Or maybe it meant they were friends again? Mikasa nodded.

“So Mikasa's so bad at kissing she needs us to teach her,” Krista said. Her voice wavered a little.

Ymir scratched the back of her head. “Y-yeah, she told me as much.”

“So let's be professional about this, ok?” Krista said to the ground.

“Of course.”

Mikasa opened her locker and pulled a notepad and pencil out of her backpack. “Sasha can't know about this,” she explained. The other two nodded.

Mikasa then clicked her mechanical pencil and tilted her head toward the two other girls, indicated that they should start. Krista and Ymir shuffled around a bit.

“So kissing is when you put your lips to someone else's lips,” said Ymir. Mikasa would look back on this later wonder if Ymir was making fun of her.

“Sometimes there is tongue involved, but that's some advanced technique."

“You can suckle one of the lips for a little while to enjoy the sensation of togetherness."

Mikasa nodded. 'Abstract feeling of togetherness', that sounded easy. “Any general tips?”

“So you have to be gentle,” Krista said. Ymir made a face and Krista flinched. “T-that's important. And if you're not you should apologize and tell her you never meant to hurt her-"

“Run your fingers through her hair,” interrupted Ymir.

“Partially lidded eyes are sexy.”

“Don't use teeth until you've gotten some experience."

There was awkward shuffling and avoided eye contact and arm motions that stopped midway. Mikasa finished scribbling down her notes before asking for a practical demonstration.

Krista blushed and blubbered and Ymir hesitantly agreed.

Mikasa thought Krista'd be more excited about it. Maybe they'd realized they were meant to be each other if they kissed again. That made sense to Mikasa, at least. It was consistent with most of the books she'd read.

Ymir sat on the bench next to Krista. Mikasa remembered that Ymir liked to lean over the smaller girl and, if the environment permitted, rest her arm on the wall behind Krista's head. That didn't happen now, but maybe it was because they were simulating amateur kissing.

Ymir bit her lip and leaned in and tilted her head down. Krista hyperventilated for a second and leaned into the kiss and looked up-

“I-I'm sorry- I can't-” squeaked Krista. She scootched away and stood up and ran out of the room.

Ymir coughed and looked around the room. Her face was flushed and disappointed? Relieved?  

“I'm going to assume I'm not supposed to do that?” Mikasa said.

 

//------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The five-minute whistle blew and students in various states of physical exhaustion adjourned to the locker room to change and get ready for their next classes. Right before Sasha entered the locker room, Mikasa grabbed her and gently tugged her back into the Gym.

Mikasa stood around awkwardly until the everyone else left the court, and then she took a step into Sasha's personal space.

“Sasha,” said Mikasa. Her face felt hot, and her limbs threatened to turn into noodles and her heart was an angry beast attempting to break the cage of her ribs. She forced herself to focus on Sasha's face, not to glance away, and especially not to glance down and take in how her gym t-shirt and shorts hung loosely off her body-

Mikasa put her hands on Sasha's shoulders and pulled the brunette closer to her.

Mikasa's eyes narrowed, but didn't completely close. One of her hands cupped the back of Sasha's head and ran in what strands were loose out of her ponytail.

She leaned forward and let her breath fall on Sasha's lips.

Sasha puckered her lips and closed her eyes.

Mikasa tilted Sasha's chin up slightly and then, gently (that was important) and slowly, pressed her lips to Sasha's. She closed her eyes then, hot moisture pooling off the corners of her eyelashes. Most of her brain was mush, but what little still functioned told her to just hold her lips there and enjoy the sensation. 

Mikasa leaned back and inhaled deeply, once, twice, three times. A shudder ran from the base of her neck down her arms and down her spine. Her face still felt hot and her eyes didn't want to open, but she commanded them to.

“That was a lot better,” said Sasha cheerfully. She hadn't adjusted her posture, she was smiling, she wasn't even out of breath, and she was barely blushing. Like, she blushed harder when she ate, sometimes.

Mikasa relayed this observation with no small amount of dismay.

“Well, I've known this was coming, right?” Sasha said, “And, we're not in public, so it's not embarrassing,” said Sasha. “And I've had time to think about this, so I knew to be encouraging-"

Mikasa froze and frowned a little. 

“And-!” Sasha said, “It was nice? I liked the mouthfeel. 3 stars.” Sasha chuckled nervously.

Mikasa's mouth opened slightly. She was trying to find something to say, to express her dissatisfaction and- hurt? Some sort of negative feelings. It must have shown on her face, because Sasha looked a little sad too.

“And you're really pretty?” said Sasha weakly.

“Excuse me,” Mikasa said, and she ran off, again.

 

//---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Mikasa waaaaaaiiit,” Sasha said for the third time that day. Less exasperatedly as the first time she did it that day, only due to exhaustion. And this time, Mikasa took the other exit to the gym, on the far side, so it took her like 5 whole seconds to cross it and Sasha knew Mikasa heard her. But the scarf-rat didn't turn around or reply or anything, and seven seconds later she was out of sight.

Sasha slumped down to the floor. “I even puckered my lips and everything! What's wroooooooooonnnng.”

Sasha sighed and stood up and became the last person to finish changing back into her normal clothes. During her earlier conversation with Connie she neglected to ask how to kiss or anything, she realized, so obviously there was something she was missing when she did that. 

Well, she wasn't going to figure it out on her own, most likely, and she'd have a chance to talk it over with Mikasa in like five minutes, so she cleared her head and bought a piece of purple-yam jelly bread from a vending machine to sate her sudden hunger and made her way to history.

She pulled out her book and sat down and waited for Mikasa to walk in the door. And she waited until the bell rang and the teacher got up and assigned them their task for the day (it was a free study period, to work on some worksheet, a stack of which was placed on a desk corner in the front of the the room) and Mikasa never showed up. Huh.

History without Mikasa would be a little different, Sasha thought. But, luckily, Krista hand't had a partner for the last three days because Ymir was now spending her free period in the weights room, and she'd sat with Krista more often than not in this class period the previous weeks, so Sasha figured she'd ask Krista to partner up on the assignment and she'd get a chance to ask her if there was some secret handshake or something she was supposed to do during a kiss. Even though Krista was a total sad sack after the breakup and was a little obtuse and hard to talk to and was always playing on her Nintendo, she still had three years of relationship experience under her belt.

And Sasha remembered she'd insulted Krista the last time she spoke to her, so she was a little apprehensive about trying to ask for kissing advice. 

But she'd have to, right? Mikasa meant that much to her. So Sasha got up, and noted with a little relieve that Krista was sitting with Armin, Eren, and Bertholdt, so she could talk to one of the other three and then segue into kissing at some point. 

Krista was scribbling on her worksheet and mumbling something to Armin. “So what if I take two levels of warlock for the repelling blast and eldritch spear and the rest in fighter? With action surge on extended eldritch blasts for the burst?"

“I'm houseruling away that exploit,” said Armin.

“I'm telling you, we could use another melee person, just go all fighter,” said Bertholdt.

“But I want to talk to animals,” whined Krista, “Maybe ranger then?

“I'm houseruling rangers as nonmagical in this setting."

Krista deflated and furrowed her eyebrows. “Well why don't you just houserule your entire own system if you can't run the official content?”

Bertholdt groaned. Armin smiled. "Well, actually- Oh hey Sasha."

“Hey there,” Sasha said.

“Yo,” said Bertholt. Sasha pulled out her worksheet.  Bertholdt's and Krista's worksheets looked a little different than hers. 

“So what can you tell me about the Industrial Revolution?” Sasha ventured. Better start this out casual, and then find some way to segue it into kissing. Industrial Revolution, medicine, diseases, disease vectors, kissing. Yes. That wouldn't be awkward at all. Sasha turned to her right, were Eren was flicking through his textbook. "

Krista turned to Eren. “What do you think I should roll, Eren?” she said.

Eren looked up from his worksheet and grinned closed-mouthed. “I don't really understand DnD,” He turned to his secret girlfriend and ruffled the blond's hair. “But I love Armin's enthusiasm.” He smooched Armin on the forehead. Armin sunk her hands into her lap and blushed and looked up sheepishly.

Krista looked away and opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out in a gag pantomime.

Sasha realized she'd been staring, and she shook her head and scootched closer to Eren and pulled out her own copy of the book.

She'd interacted with Eren alone before, and alone with Eren and Armin, but most of the times when she saw the scrappy brown-haired boy, Mikasa was there, and Sasha was much more interested in the brooding girl than the loud boy or the shy girl that sat next to her.

Eren did seem alright through. He was only uninteresting by comparison.

“At least I'm not the only one struggling in this class,” joked Sasha.

Eren looked up and grinned awkwardly. “So do you want to do the culture column and I'll do politics?” he said.

Sasha finally took a look at her worksheet and groaned. There were a lot of columns, and almost as many rows. 

Sasha turned to the other three. “Hey, do you guys want to help us? We can finish it faster if we work together.”

Without looking up, Krista pulled out a piece of paper and flashed it toward the pair.

“That's a rejected character sheet, Krista,” said Eren. Wow, Krista had very neat handwriting-

Krista flipped the page around. It was the worksheet- completely filled out-

And she put it back under her book. Sasha only remembered a little of it, but she quickly scribbled 'Lister- Sanitation' in one of her squares.

“We're done too,” said Berthold, gesturing towards Armin.

“BUT CLASS LITERALLY JUST STARTED.” Sasha said to the ceiling. She got shushed by a neighboring group.

“These were available since the beginning of the section, two weeks ago,” one of them said.

“I find it's easier to fill them in as you learn.”

“Yeah, you and Eren are kind of suckers for waiting until now.”

Sasha bit her cheek and turned back to her notebook. Carp; obviously Mikasa was important but she couldn't fail AP history. After she filled in a column, she told herself, she'd have calmed down enough to ask about kissing. 

They worked for a few minutes before Eren asked a question that didn't relate to history.

“So, uh,” whispered Eren at one point, “How's- how's Mikasa doing?”

“OH. UM.” said Sasha. She swished her tongue around her mouth. Well, she's staying over at my house and she kissed me and now she hates me for some reason, even though I think I might reciprocate her feelings, but I really like her and I think I've always liked her and I also took her to see my mom, which I've never done with anyone else since I moved here and if she still likes me we're going hunting this weekend so we'll be spending a lot of time in enclosed spaces but my Dad will be there too so hopefully it won't be awkward and after that maybe we'll date.

“Oh, wow,” Eren said. Crap, was that all outloud?

“Uhhhh,” Sasha said.

Eren waved the air. Maybe he understood awkwardness and how much Sasha wished she'd said something better. “So do you like Mikasa?”

'Yeah,” Sasha said. Was that even a question?

“You're not going to... break her heart or whatever?” Eren said. 

Sasha recoiled. “What, no!” She then thought about how Mikasa reacted that morning. “Well, not on purpose,”

Eren shot her a dissatisfied look, and Sasha frantically waved the air. “I mean, I'd try to make it right if I did!” she whispered as loud as she could. 

Wait, wasn't Eren the younger brother? Wasn't Mikasa supposed to be the protective one? Or were they close enough in age to be protective of each other?

No, that was dumb. You could care about your family regardless, right? Sasha didn't have any siblings and wait why did she care about proper sibling roles?

"So why do you think she hates you?" Eren said, pulling Sasha out of her thoughts. 

“I dont know!” Sasha got shushed again. She sunk her head down, like Mikasa did with her scarf, only Sasha didn't have a scarf so it was a little weirder. “She kissed me and I just sort of smiled and told her she was pretty and she ran away!”

Well, that wasn't exactly true. Sasha hadn't done anything during the kiss except accept it. Which didn't seem like a problem, right?

“Why can't Mikasa just tell me what's wrong?” Sasha said.

“Well, sis has never been really good at expressing herself,” said Eren with a little forlorn chuckle.

Sasha pouted and nodded. Yeah, that sounded right. "It's just- I totally thought we were getting to know each other! But now she's off skipping class and stuff without telling me and suddenly I'm not so certain anymore."

Eren scrunched his face. "Yeah, she's a bit melodramatic." He patted Sasha's hand. "Good luck though."

Sasha sighed. So much for advice. And maybe it'd be a bit weird to ask Eren how to kiss his sister? 

But, Sasha realized this was the perfect time to get general information about Mikasa.

“So, uh" she began, "Anything else I should know about Mikasa?"

Eren poked his eraser in his mouth. Sasha thought he might be hungry and offered him a granola bar, but Eren waved the treat away.

“I guess,” he said, “She's very single-minded. If she gets something into her head she'll still be hard to dissuade."

“Aliright.

“If you have to, though, she'll probably be reasonable,“ Eren said, "Maybe."

“Uh-huh.”

“She also likes it when you scratch the back of her head, right behind her left ear."

“Left ear, got it.”

“She seems confident, but that's usually because she doesn't care about how other people perceive her. When she does care, she's very insecure about herself."

"Aren't we all?"

"And-" Eren frowned. "Huh. I thought I had more than that." He frowned harder. "Damn, I've known her for years, I really should know more than this." 

Sasha sighed. "Well I guess I should take solace in being the first to figure out Mikasa, aha."

Eren chuckled back, and they looked at each other and nodded. 

“So anyway,” Sasha bit her lower lip. “Permission to date your sister?”

Eren scrunched his face and shrugged. "I don't have any say in what she does. And if I did, I think it'd be only fair to give Mikasa all the freedom I wished she gave me,” he said. He smiled that forlorn smile again. 

They chuckled.

"Ok, cool. So, uh," Sasha said again. Kissing. Now to ask about kissing.

"Uh," she stalled again. Just say it. She needed to know. It wouldn't be awkward. Probably.

Sasha sighed and looked at her worksheet. She had time, probably. "Who was the queen of England during their colonial period again?" 

 

//------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Mikasa wandered the halls until the bell for history rang. To day was an open study day, so it wouldn't be that bad if she skipped. Well, she'd have skipped even if she had a test today, but she didn't, so no big deal. 

Another Kiss. Another failure. Another stain on her soul, another infestation of maggots in her diaphragm.

Mikasa took a breath. Ok, so she was a bad kisser. That just meant she had the potential to be a good kisser, someday.

Why was she so bad at this? She was good at everything else she did. Maybe she was used to excellence. But she was willing to improve, so there was no reason to be upset or anything. 

And then Sasha would like her as heart-twistingly intensely as Mikasa did her and they'd live happily ever after. 

But now she needed even more advice. So she went to the weights room behind the gym.

Annie was doing her inversion workout, and Reiner was doing weights. Ymir was doing Yoga while looking at her phone. 

“Hey,” Mikasa said to the three of them.

“Oh hey Mikasa,” said Reiner, in between grunts as he alternated arms, “What's up?"

Ymir shot her a look. "Didn't work out, huh?"

"What didn't work out?" said Annie, when her head reached the extension part of her rep and stayed there for a moment longer to speak. Her hair extended perfectly straight from her head towards the ground. 

They didn't actually have an inversion machine, so Annie just wrapped her legs around the sturdiest pull-up bar in the weights room and did her crunches on that. Like old Xiao-lin monks, she'd explain, but Mikasa was pretty sure they didn't have aluminum pull-up bars in ancient China.

"Relationship stuff," said Mikasa.

"You're in a relationship?" Annie said at her next zenith. Her head was a little lower than eye level, but since she was up-side down, her chin was angled towards her stomach so that she was looking down on her.

"Sort of." Mikasa said. 

Mikasa sat next to Reiner and idly grabbed the next biggest dumbbell and mirrored Reiner's routine. She was still in her gym uniform from last period, so she didn't look out of place, and if she worked up a sweat, she'd have regular clothes to change into later. 

She bit her tongue and looked at the ground. ”I need some advice,” she mumbled, hopefully only so Reiner could hear. But Annie had heard, and Reiner started talking about something. 

Mikasa felt a little conflicted about Annie. She used to not like her, because of their athletic rivalry but mostly because of how she latched onto Eren. And Annie had a thing for Armin a while back, which Mikasa discouraged because she thought Armin deserved someone who was more emotionally available and believed in some sort of external, objective morality and didn't roll paladins (though Annie had seemed to have grown out of two of those things since the beginning of high school.) Heh, it was weird to remember a time where she liked Armin. Maybe if Armin and Annie had hooked up, he and Eren wouldn't have hooked up and Mikasa wouldn't have had her heart broken.

But then she wouldn't be able to date Sasha, so it all worked out. Probably, if Mikasa could figure out how to friggen kiss. 

And, now that Eren was dating Armin, Mikasa didn't have to think of Annie as a threat. And since both of Annie's crushes had hooked up with each other, Mikasa could silently revel in the aftermath of the sudden, gay implosion that sucked up all of Annie's preferred dating options. She deserved some slack from life, and maybe a little more kindness from her. 

“It's because you're a woman." Annie said.

Crap, Mikasa'd been tuning out the conversation. “What?" she said. 

“Why you're having problems. Women's relationship are all plagued by undertones of adversary and confrontation, designed as part of a devious social game with the spiteful goal to elevate oneself atop the callow pyre of the crippled self-esteems and last-season fashions of other women, their mascara-tinted tears pooling in a sea of silent resentment." Annie ascended from view with a grunt, and then fell back down. "There is no room for a relationship built on trust in the shadow of such a lonely, toxic gender-socialization."

"... What?" Mikasa re-evaluated her re-evaluation of how she felt about Annie. 

"Now, boy's love is based on honest camaraderie, shallowly-buried man-lust, and baseball." Annie did another rep. "And, like, since boy's bonding is based on physical roughhousing, they get to know each other intimately through their everyday relationships, the same way naked mole rats do. All gay couples can pick their partners out by scent alone, even in a crowded party."

"But- "Mikasa tried to put all her objections into words, "I- That doesn't-" Mikasa took a breath. Sasha didn't even wear mascara. "I think you're just channeling your doubt and self-pity."

"That's what I said," grunted Reiner between reps.

"Eh." Annie ascended into her crunch. "But you asked for an explanation and you got it."

“Ymir,” said Mikasa, “Please tell her she's wrong."

“I dunno,” said Ymir, chuckling slightly. Or maybe she was making pain noises because of her stretch. “Nihilism sounds pretty good after a breakup."

Annie's face descended and she smiled. No, wait, she's upside down, so that meant she was frowning. “Wait, you just broke up with someone Ymir? I'm sorry.”

“Why do you think she joined our MTG group? And Armin's 5E campaign?” said Reiner.

“I just figured she really likes the idea of unspeakable eldritch abominations slowly conquering the last, desperate bastions of humanity, and wanted to get as much of that in her life as possible."

"Well, that too." said Ymir, "Also because I knew she'd want to hang out with Reiner so I pre-empted that."

“Wait,” Annie eneded her crunch early. “'She'? Ymir, you're gay?”

Ymir glanced at Reiner, her mouth thin with incredulity. Reiner glanced back with the same expression who glance back. Ymir glanced at Mikasa, and since its what Reiner did, she glanced back and tried to emulate the expression as best she could. Ymir then glanced at Annie, and Reiner glanced at Mikasa, and by now Mikasa thought she was getting the hang of the protocol.

“What?” Annie said when she came back down.

“You didn't know that?” said Ymir.

“Well, was I supposed to?” 

Everyone shared a bit of a chuckle and then Ymir sighed and lay on her back. “Not really. We were in the closet.” She sat up and resumed her stretch. “But then Eren and Armin come out and nobody treats it as anything special. Nobody yelled any slurs and no councilor asked them to tone down their PDA's or anything, so I don't know why I bothered. But I guess it made it more exciting that we were hooking up in secret. And Krista was totally adorable whenever she Freudian slipped in front of someone?

“Wait," said Annie, "you were dating Krista?"

They played the expression game again and shared another chuckle.

“You didn't know that?" Ymir said.

“Oh, also, Krista's gay, Annie.” Reiner stated.

“I knew that!” Annie pouted. That sort of expression didn't seem right on her, and not just because she was upside down. “You were each other's beards for like three weeks in middle school.”

“Oh, also, I'm gay Annie,” Reiner stated.

“But you implied as much in your previous stateme- oh,” Mikasa said, “You were making a joke.”

Ymir and Reiner shot her encouraging grins. Approval? Acceptance?

Mikasa couldn't help but smile back. Jokes probably weren't that hard.  “Also, Annie, I too am gay.”

Reiner and Ymir laughed. Their expressions were probably approval, then. Score. 

“So uh," Annie said. She looked nervous? Mikasa tilted her head to try to gauge Annie's expression better. "Good for you. You're gay now?”

Reiner frowned. “Annie-”

“Oh I know,” Annie pulled her hand from behind her head to wave the air. “'You were always gay, born this way, yada yada.'” Her expression blanked back to the kind she wore in the past. “And even if something happened to change your sexuality, it wouldn't make your identity any less valid. “

Reiner smiled and returned to his workout. "Better." 

"What I meant was," Annie did a rep, "Was the whole thing with Eren just a phase, or are you not into him now that you've discovered -" Annie ascended and mumbled the last bit, "female genitalia?" 

Mikasa paled and the worms in her diaphragm multiplied. “I- I don't know.”

“You could be bi,” Reiner said between grunts. “That's a perfectly valid sexuality."

Ymir shrugged and switched into a different stretch. “Yeah, if you're lame."

“Ymir!” Reiner said. 

“Ok, fine,” Ymir said, “Bisexuality is a valid identity. Didn't realize you were the 'PC' police now."

“Well, Mikasa's new at this, so we have to set a good example. Which means no vaguely biphobic jokes that can be misconstrued as an indictment on her lifestyle."

"And also sticking to the established gay rhetoric, yada yada," Annie said when she came back down.

“Oh, huh,” Ymir said, “Yeah, I guess you are new at this, Mikasa?" 

Mikasa nodded. This was good; she could probably get this conversation back to kissing. 

"Unless you got some tips from Eren and Armin?" Annie said.

"Annie!" Reiner said again. "You know that's a sore subject for her!"

"She's tough." Annie said. She shot an upside-down smile at Mikasa, and Mikasa felt a feeling that she thought was positive when she realized that it meant Annie believed in her. Huh. "But I'll take that as a no." 

Ymir sat up straight. “Ok, first thing about being gay; homophobia. Some of it's in the laws and you end up being glad you left your home country because homosexuality is illegal there."

"Oh, yeah, that's rightx youre from- yeah," said Reiner. 

"But, uh," Mikasa said. "Eren and Armin are seeing each other and you said they haven't had anything happen to them?"

Ymir stood up. "Yeah, so maybe we don't need to worry about that here, for a while." She shifted stretches, so now she was looking at the wall. "More commonly, a lot of homophobia and heteronormativy are ingrained in culture and media; you'll see gay people as the butts of jokes all the time. Don't let it get you down." 

"Unless you consume only gay media," said Annie.

"But gay media for straight women is different than gay media for gay men," Reiner said. 

"It's all love," Annie said at her zenith, "If I was in a relationship I'd totally try this move they pull some of the moves in this Yaoi comic book I'm reading," Annie said.

"That'd probably get you arrested." 

Ymir rolled her eyes. "And lastly, you'll get a lot of well-meaning but misinformed people saying vaguely homophobic stuff that alienates and disquiets you. Like Annie here." Ymir said.

"What?" Annie said at her zenith. "What have I said that's vaguely homophobic?"

"Everything that's come out of your mouth in the last three days, ever."

"Hmm," Annie did a rep, "fair enough."

"But Annie's opinions are largely irrelevant to me," Mikasa intoned. 

Everyone laughed at that, including Annie. 

"And here I thought you wanted my advice," Annie said, upside-down smiling again. "Which I'm still willing to give you, because I'm such a nice person." 

"Well," Mikasa said. "I guess I'll take it." She took a breath.

Ymir and Reiner and especially Annie looked at her expectantly.

Mikasa closed her eyes. "I'm bad at kissing."

"Oh!" Annie said. She frowned tremendously. No, wait, upside down again; she was smiling. "Well, you're in luck, because I've basically been reading kissing guides all week. Let me get my phone after I'm done on this bar." 

" _Gay male_  kissing guides." Reiner said. " It might not be what you're looking for."

"Hey, everyone has lips." 

"Yeah," Ymir smiled madly, "but women have _two_ sets-"

"OF SHOES. LETS PRETEND YOU WERE GOING TO SAY SHOES."

Mikasa rubbed her ears and looked around. Ymir and Riner were smirking. "What was that about?"

"Oh," Reiner said, "Annies just afraid of her own-'

"DON'T SAY IT!"

Mikasa looked around again. "What, vagina?"

"ARGH!"

Ymir and Reiner laughed. 

Ymir switched stretches. "Technically it's the vulva-

"AHHHHH"

"-that she's afraid of. The vagina-"

"NOOOOOOOOOO~"

"Is the interior flesh canal leading to the cervix."

"AHAHAHAHAHAA"

Reiner nodded, but not in the agreement sort of not. "If you're a literary prescriptivist, yeah, but the descriptivist philosophy allows one to use 'vagina'-"

"LALALALALALALALA"

"To describe the general genital area of someone assigned-female-at-birth." 

Ugh, why was everyone trying to teach her literacy all the time? "But what's so bad about them?" interjected Mikasa. Maybe this was something she should be concerned about also?

"FLESH CANALS, MIKASA." Annie descended, and her face was slack and the bags under her eyes seemed bigger. "Fle~esh canals~" she whispered. 

"This is the latent homophobia I was talking about before," Ymir said matter of factly. 

Mikasa tilted her head. "Maybe I'm misinformed?" she turned to Ymir, "What is your opinion on vaginas?" 

And Ymir went on a brief lecture about what it was about vaginas that she liked. It made sense to Mikasa. Annie let out a sound like a dying smoke alarm through the whole thing.

Reiner put down his weights and rubbed the sweat off his face and the laugh-tears from his eyes. "Well anyway," he said, "Maybe you're just restless. Physical jitters can affect things more than you'd think. You've been skipping Rugby practice this week. When's the last time you worked out?"

Mikasa cogitated. “Last Wednesday?” 

“Woah, Mikasa,” said Ymir, “You have to work out every day, or you fall into an inescapable spiral of sloth and sin."

“Or six times a week if you've got a rest day in your workout plan,” Reiner said.

“You're probably good if you start up again today, though," said Ymir. "So maybe some cardio after you're done with those weights."

Oh yeah. Mikasa looked at her arms. She'd been copying Reiner this whole time, having stopped once Reiner did.  

“Sasha doesn't work out every day,” said Mikasa.

“Yeah, but she's a nerd.”

“<snrk> _nerd”._

Mikasa nodded reluctantly. Sasha was nice the way she was, even if she was a total nerd. 

"So can I see those kissing guides Annie?" Mikasa said.

Annie frowned- upside down. "Well." she began.

"You said you'd show me? Or something to that effect?"

"Well that was before you started talking about-" Annie bit her lip.

"Va-jay-jays?" said Reiner. 

"YES THOSE."

Mikasa scrunched her face. "So what if I apologize?"

"Actually, I'd prefer to simulate self-respect by having my help contingent on your success at an arbitrary contest of wills."

“Ok, we'll fight,” said Mikasa. It seemed like a reasonable course of action.

“No no!” Annie said. “You're out of shape. <hup!> And besides." Annie paused longer than usual.

When Annie next descended she had the most insufferable upside-down smile. “We know which of us is the better marital artist.”

Mikasa's nostrils flared involuntarily. A treacherous thought in her brain said maybe it wasn't worth it. But this was for Sasha, and Sasha would always be worth fighting the regional MMA champion for. If necessary, to the death. "Don't underestimate me, Annie." 

“Well instead,” Annie pretended to think, “How about a game of mostly skill, with some chance involved?"

Mikasa tilted her head forward. 

"And Berthold told me you recently updated your deck to standard?"

Ah. That's was this was about. 

Mikasa rummaged through her pack until she found a small plastic box.

Annie hung from her makeshift inversion bar and upside-down smirked. "Yessss~"

 

//-----------------------------------------

 

"Ok, so personal question," Sasha enunciated around the end of her pencil.

"Ok, shoot," Eren said. He had the end of a pencil in his mouth as well. They'd almost finished half the worksheet. 

"How often do you and Armin kiss?"

Eren choked (was that the right word? The pencil wasn't in his throat or anything) and blushed. "Literally every chance we get."

It was Sasha's turn to choke. Or spit-take without the spit. "What, really?

"Yeah, we pecked lightly when you were looking up Belgian trade routes."

"R-really?"

Eren grinned a little. "And we made out in the back of the room at the beginning of class when nobody was looking."

"O-okay-"

"And sometimes we go to the bathroom together and just go at it-"

"Okay!" Sasha said. She crossed her arms. "Does everyone like kissing?"

"Well," Eren said, "I think so. Why do you ask?"

" _Absolutely_ everyone? Or is just, like, most people?"

Eren frowned. "Why do you ask?"

"Well," Sasha said, "I don't know if Mikasa expects us to kiss all the time."

Eren furrowed his brow. "You don't like that idea?"

Krista leaned into their conversation, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose and smirking insufferably. "What's this? You don't want to kiss Mikasa?"

"Aren't you supposed to be pretending to be some elf sword king or something?" Sasha said. "And what does kissing have to do with liking someone?

"I remember you said-"  Krista blinked twice and sat back and smacked her forehead. “oh. Oh. Oh.”

“What?”

“There's an _IA_ after LGBTQ.”

Armin shrieked away into her shoulders at this point. 

“Whats the I and A?" Sasha said.

“Intersex and Asexual. You're the latter.”

“What? No I'm not” said Sasha, “I can have sex." 

“You've had sex?" asked Eren idly.

“Well, no,” said Sasha. She bit her cheek. Her stomach rumbled a bit. Well, if Mikasa ever asked-

“Stop obfuscating the issue!" Krista said, "Asexual just means you don't feel the desire to have sex. I think."

“But she likes telling sex jokes." Berhold mentioned.

“Well, they're easy mode comedy,” Sasha said, “Everyone seems to doubletake whenever anybody mentions genitalia."

There was a short silence as people shared looks.

“Everyone except for you, you mean?” said Krista.

“Yea-” Sasha began. “Oh, I see what you're saying. But no, I sometimes think people look nice. I'm just honest with myself about it." Sasha closed her eyes and crossed her arms and nodded.

Krista adjucted her glasses. "But do you imagine yourself having sex with them?"

Sasha guffawed. "With random strangers I've never met? Of course not! Do you guys?"

Berthold and Armin said 'no', but Krista belted out a 'yes'. After a moment Eren shrugged and let out a quiet 'yeah'.

"Please tell me you guys are lying out of shame." Krista said. 

Berthold scrunched his face. "Well I'm not 13 anymore, so no."

"But you did have a phase like that?"

Berthold was red in the face. He shrugged. "I guess."

"And Armin, I know for a fact you used to have a crush on-"

"Ahahahah!" squeaked Armin, flailing her hands towards Krista. Eren raised an eyebrow. "Ok fine," she admitted.

"So how about you Sasha? You want to change your answer?"

Sasha scootched away from everyone else. "You guys are creeps."

"Not anymore!" protested Berholdt.

Krista leaned back and folded her arms in victory. "So you're probably asexual."

"I'm not asexual!" Sasha said. 

"Woah," Krista said, "I didn't mean it as an insult or anything. There's nothing wrong with it."

"But- I'm just normal," Sasha said. "Except for the liking girls bit. Which is also normal, just a different kind of normal." 

"Don't forget the nerdyness," Armin said. 

"<snrk>  _nerd!"_  

 Krista furrowed her brow. “Well, you did once tell you got aroused when you ate?”

“Yeah, so," Sasha said with an air of victory, “I'm just foodsexual."

“That's not something you should be proud of..."

“And bad news for Mikasa unless you take the cannibal perk next level."

“I think that's bad news for Mikasa either way.”

"Really?" Krista said, "Because I'd think Mikasa'd love to be ea-"

Armin clamped a hand over Krista's mouth. "Ahahahahaha ~ _we are in public_ ~" she said.

After a while, Krista pulled Armin's hand off her mouth and adjusted her glasses. "Well," she said "I'm not going to tell you how to identify, but I'm pretty sure you're asexual, and I think Mikasa deserves to know she's not going to get what she wants from you." 

Sasha felt a vein bulge in her forehead. Her voice was low and angry when she next spoke. "You're just saying mean things to lash out because Ymir couldn't stand to date you anymore." 

Krista's jaw dropped. She blinked a little and her eyes looked watery. Armin made some nervous noises and sweated, while Bertholt looked between all parties at the table and also visibly sweated. 

"S-so I'm houseruling in some custom feats," Armin said to Krista. Krista seemed a little out of it. "I'll pull my binder out and you can see if there's any you want to take."

"Yeah, they're actually pretty cool," Berthold said. 

Sasha felt a hand tap her shoulder; Eren suggested they get back to their worksheets.

 

//----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"You can go while I search for the card," Annie said.  She pulled her deck off the exercise mat below her and flipped a card onto a small pile that was her hand. She bridged her deck in mid-air, upside down, and placed her deck on the mat and pulled her hand up to her face. 

Mikasa took a breath and looked at her cards. This wasn't going well.

She drew her card for the turn. Huh, maybe this'd work out.

Mikasa played her card. Annie didn't have lethal on the field anymore, so she could go all in.

Annie nodded and her turn came and she drew a card and attacked with all her creatures. 

Well, Mikasa couldn't afford to lose her own creatures, so she let it through and hoped for the heart to the cards to help her out. 

Mikasa's turn came again and she drew her card. 

"Swing with everything," Mikasa said as she turned three of her cards sideways.

Annie surveyed the battlefield. "Sure." 

Mikasa turned four more of her cards sideways. "Inspired charge. That's lethal." 

Annie did that 'well done' frown. "Guess I lose. Good job, Mikasa."

Annie threw her remaining cards on the pile.

Mikasa reached over and picked up the cards in Annie's hand. 

"Hey-"

Mikasa stared for a moment. "You could have won."

"Yeah, but I didn't have the mana open."

"Yes you did."

"Oh huh?" Annie folded into a crunch. Since Mikasa was sitting down now, Annie was especially out of sight. "Guess I miscounted."

"So!" Annie did a little bit of gymnastics and landed, right-side up, in the middle of the room. Reiner and Ymir applauded.

"Let's teach you how to woo somebody."

"I don't know why you're bothering with all these guides," Reiner managed to say during his cardio, "It's Sasha; just coat yourself in chocolate and be done with it."

"Oh, it's Sasha? Your'e in love with Sasha?" Annie said, "Heh." 

"So eye contact," Annie said, pulling out her phone, "Is very important. You have to get juuuust the right amount of it in...."  

 

//---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The bell rang and Sasha slumped back in her chair. Somehow (Well, with a little discrete help from Armin), she and Eren had managed to fill out the entire worksheet in the single 45 minute block. She weakly fistbumped Eren and packed her stuff and walked into the halls. 

And her pants buzzed. Mikasa had texted her, asking to meet her in one of the side hallways. 

So, without giving herself time to second-guess herself, Sasha ran down the halls and rounded the corner to where Mikasa said she was waiting.

Mikasa was leaned against the wall, her arms crossed and her left knee bent. She smiled confidently at Sasha when she came into view. 

"So Mikasa-" Sasha began, but Mikasa shushed her. Mikasa stepped forward into Sasha's personal space and put a hand on Sasha's waist, pulling her gently towards the stoic girl.

Mikasa leaned in to whisper in Sasha's ear. "Just one more minute, ok?" 

Sasha inhaled sharply and nodded.

Mikasa stepped back and looked into Sasha's eyes, and stroked Sasha's face, and ran her fingers through her hair. Mikasa broght her hand down to Sasha shoulders and rubbed them in small circles before running her hands down Sasha's arm and entwining their fingers together. "I really like you, Sasha," Mikssa said. 

"Your eyes and your cheeks and your lips-" Mikasa breathed.

Well okay, Sasha didn't say, but she was hoping Mikasa liked her for less superficial traits.

"And your-" Mikasa said, choking only slightly, "breasts." 

That got Sasha to blush. 

Mikasa planted a smooch on Sasha's right cheek and then another one a little lower. She let go of Sasha's hands and with one hand she rubbed Sasha's waist and the other she wrapped over Sasha's shoulder.

Sasha remembered what Eren said about Mikasa's right ear (or was it her left ear? Crap.) and scrached Mikasa's ear as she leaned into this half-hug.  

Mikasa moaned when Sasha ticked her ear. The grip on her waist got tighter as Sasha was pulled into a full-body hug. Mikasa leaned forwards, her fingertips brushing the skin around her neck-

And Mikasa brought one final smooch to Sasha's mouth, with a long, pained whimper. She suckled Sasha's upper lip in soft almost-biting movements and held her mouth against Sasha's for a long moment. 

Then Mikasa pulled away, weak in the knees. 

"That was better!" Sasha said.

Mikasa just stared at her, aghast.

Sasha frowned. “What did I do?

“I _need_ you Sasha,” Mikasa breathed desperately, “Why- why don't you feel the same way?"

“Come on, Mikasa,” Sasha smiled as earnestly as she could, “You don't _need_ me. 

Mikasa blinked and recoiled. 

Sasha cleared her throat. "We're already friends. We're living together, we're in every class together," Sasha said, "So of course I'd date you. We basically already are."

"But I need more than that," whispered Mikasa. 

"You're misusing the word 'need' again Mika-"

"I'm not!" Mikasa said. Her voice cracked and there were the beginnings of tears in her eyes. "I- Excuse me for a moment." 

And Mikasa was gone.  

Sasha tried to process what just happened, again. 

"Mikasa," she said weakly, a lot confused and a maybe a little self-doubtful. "Wait."

 

//-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Biology came and went, without Mikasa attending. The final school bell rang. Students shuffled into the halls and then dispersed, and Mikasa peaked out from her hiding place. 

Armin and Eren skipped into the hall, hand in hand and giggling like- well, like idiots. 

Her throat felt like there was a rock in it for that moment.

The two boys looked around and mumbled something to each other. They held hands, and stepped towards each other, and they started to kiss, on the face, and that's when Mikasa decided she needed to interrupt them.

“Umm,” she said, as loudly and clearly as she could.

The couple jumped back, and Eren steaded Armin. Mikasa ignored the latent irrational surge of jealousy. She was a little relieved that it was nothing compared to the – jealousy?- she'd felt earlier that day when Sasha told her she was completely inadequate and an abject failure at everything that mattered to her.

Well, not in so many words, but that's what it felt like she'd said.

Which was why she was here.

If there was one emotion that would overpower her awkward avoidance of her brother and one of her oldest friends, well, it was love. Or doubt. Something like that.

Feelings were still hard, but she knew, at least, how she felt about Sasha. 

“So, uh, is that you Mikasa?” said Eren, looking around. 

“Yes.” said Mikasa. “Um.” she said again. “I need some advice.”

“Why are you hiding?"

Mikasa hugged her knees a little tighter. “Eren said he never wanted to see me again."

Eren rubbed the back of his head. From Mikasa's vantage point, he looked a little guilty? Maybe?

“That was just an expression-”

Mikasa said nothing.

"And I was really upset last week, but, you know; things have changed for both of us-"

Mikasa said nothing again.

“I know what it means literally, but, you know....”

Mikasa continued to say nothing. Later she'd realized that neither of them could see her tilting her head to the side.

Armin patted Eren on the shoulder and the taller of the two sighed and smiled gently, maybe. “I rescind my desire to never see you again, sis.”

Mikasa contorted out of her hiding space, landing expertly on a foot and a knee and three fingers. She stood up and brushed herself off and hoped the janitor wouldn't mind the mess.

But, Mikasa found, she could only make eye contact with Eren for like half a second. She found herself talking to a nearby vending machine for most of the conversation.

Eren smiled at her for a moment, awkwardly. It made Mikasa's insides happy. "So, uh, what's up?"

“I uh,” Mikasa said, “I might be in love."

Maybe they smiled. Mikasa thought she saw teeth in the corner of her eye. “That's great!” said Armin. Ugh, _Armin._  There was the sound of applause too.

"I- yeah." Mikasa mumbled. “But, uh,” Mikasa took a long, deep breath. “I'm bad at kissing her. And my inefficiencies at this early juncture make me worried that I will be unable to fulfill my duties as a good girlfriend in the future." 

Eren and Armin shared a look.

"Well maybe you should agree to start dating before you worry about bumping uglies." Eren said. 

"Uglies?" Mikasa tilted her head. "Do you think we are insufficiently attractive?"

"No!" Eren said immediately. "That's not what 'uglies' means in that context."

"Before you ask," Armin said, "In that context it means 'vaginas'."

"AAAUUGHH!" said a voice in the distance.

"ANNIE STOP SPYING ON US!" yelled Eren down the hallway. 

"FACTS ARE INSCRUTABLE! YOU CAN'T PROVE ANNNYYYYYTHIIIIIIINGGGGGGG!" said the first voice, steadily receding in the distance. 

There were some shared looks and Eren and Armin whispered among themselves. Hopefully not about Mikasa. 

"Anyway," Eren said, "If it helps, we know for a fact that Sasha really wants to date you and she's worried that she's going to mess this up too." 

Mikasa paused and cogitated for a brief, elated moment. "She is?"

"This whole episode could have been avoided if you just talked to her-"

"But I wanna do things  _right_." whined Mikasa. 

Eren and Armin shared a look, and offered a solution. Armin walked over, and Mikasa found she couldn't look at him without scowling, but also she wanted to be polite, so she looked at the wall. He gave her a small box, and some advice, and Mikasa walked off in quiet contemplation.

 

//--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

 

Sasha knocked on the door to a room she'd never been into before; the student counseling office. School was over, and students were either heading home or to various after-school clubs and sports, and this section of the school was particularly absent.

Someone bid her to come in, and so she did.

This room wasn't a classroom, judging by the lack of teaching materials hung on the walls and small number of desks. Dr. Zoë was there, and so were both the gym instructors, the guy who taught the other history class- Mr. Shultz, right? - And – the janitor? Each of them was sitting at a single table, in a circle, with a laptop in front of them, leaned forward expectantly.

“Oh, hey,” said Dr. Zoë.

"'Sup, nerd?" said Sasha's gym teacher. 

“Uhh,” said Sasha, eyeing the laptops and the other teachers, “I talked to you in class? About - about life advice? Is now a bad time?”

“Oh, no it's always a good time,” said Dr. Zoë. “We just normally don't get takers for open counseling hours. “ They turned to the other adults. “Quick, somebody queue dodge.”

There was some mumbling and computer stuff and then suddenly everyone reclined in their chairs. One or two of them started clicking their mice. 

“So, uh, do you usually all hang out here?" Sasha asked while they did whatever.

“I actually play with the other science teachers, usually, but Olou had to go to the DMV tonight, so I'm filling in so Levi can get gold before the season's over."

The janitor raised his hand. "Yo."

Sasha tilted her head. "So I'm really not interrupting anything?"

Dr. Zoë scrunched their face. "Don't worry about it. Students always come first." They jumped to sit on a table and kicked their legs out casually. “So were you needing career advice, school advice, or other life advice?" 

"I, uh," Sasha scratched the back of her head. Why was she embarrassed now? "S-sexuality was one of the things on the flyer right?" Sasha said to her hands.

Dr. Zoë shot her an encouraging smile and nodded.  "Is it a self-discovery problem or like a legal problem or are you just wondering about were to rub it?"

Sasha shot them a look.

"Levi here's better equipped to, say, convince your family not to send you to straight camp, if that's the issue. And if you need to know some of the actual mechanics of copulations, one of the gym teachers can help you best," Dr. Zoë explained. 

Miss Ral raised her hand. "Yo." 

"It-it's a self discovery thing, I think." Sasha said.

"Alright. We can talk here or in one of the soundproof side rooms if you want?"

Soundproof rooms sounded nice, and Sasha said so. Dr. Zoë led her into an adjacent room. 

Dr. Zoë pull a chair out, spun it around to sit on it backwards, their chin on the backrest. They splayed their feet out idly. It gave off a relaxed impression, which was probably the point. Maybe their entire easygoing demeanor was a carefully-honed act. 

 But Sasha took a breath all the same. Everyone who hung out in this room after school was advertised as an accredited councilor, so they should be able to help, right?

"S-so, there's this girl I like-" Sasha stuttered. 

"Ah, Mikasa, yes." Dr. Zoë smiled.

Sasha blushed. "I-it was that obvious?"

The doctor brightened their smile. "I'm a scientist. I can see the little hints you send her in class. And the little hints she sends you back."

"But-" Sasha said, "Ok, that's kind of the issue. I don't know if I can like her back the same way."

"Oh, you're heterosexual? I suppose its best to tell her sooner than later-"

"I don't think so," Sasha mumbled, "I didn't really consider whether or not I was attracted to people, but I asked some of my friends earlier today and I don't think I feel what they feel," Sasha continued talking  at the ground, "When they, um, when they feel attracted to other people." 

Dr. Zoë refreshed their smile. "Okay then, asexuality is a completely valid identity."

"But am I?" Sasha asked. "- sometimes I feel a little embarrassed when I look at someone's body, or my face gets hot when I eat-"

"Unless you want me to monitor your monoamine levels," said Dr. Zoë. They frowned and gestured in front of them confusedly, "I can't confirm whether or not what you are feeling is sexual attraction. But I don't have to, because it's enough if you don't think so. So do you?"

"I-" Sasha began, "I don't know."

Dr. Zoë laughed. "Well, sexual attraction can be a bewildering quagmire of confusion and frustration, yes." 

Dr Zoë stood up and paced a little.  "There's at least two types of sexual attraction; Primary sexual attraction is your brain's desire to mate and spawn little mules for your genetic code in irfder to prolong your species. Secondary sexual attraction comes from a feeling of attachment after getting ti know and like someone on an emotional level. A particular asexual might feel only one of those, or neither of those. And an asexual individual might feel anywhere between vaguely intrigued to largely ambivalent to completely repulsed at the thought of sexual intimacy."

"But- I thought asexuals just didn't like sex." Sasha said.

"Oh no; there's lots of ways to be asexual. And no matter how you end up, it's totally cool if you want to identify as asexual while you figure yourself out."

"I- okay," Sasha said. "I just think maybe I have trouble conceptualizing myself as a sexual being."

"Okay. That's not a bad thing."

Sasha nodded to herself and remembered the reason Dr. Zoë might be wrong. "-but- what if Mikasa doesn't like that about me? What if she wants something I can't give her?"

"Then you're not quite right for each other, and it's best you find that out sooner than later." Dr. Zoë stood up. "But you're going to have to talk to her before you know that for sure, you know?" 

"Y-Yeah,"  Sasha said, but a part of her really didn't want to. 

 

//---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After Sasha left the compiling office, she felt her pants buzz, and when she checked her phone she saw she'd gotten a text from Mikasa. She was about to text the stoic girl herself, so that saved her the trouble of going for it. 

Sasha nervously sauntered to the back of the school. It was secluded, and she  _knew_ she had nothing to be embarrassed about since no-one was around, her face still felt hot and her hands were shaky.

But maybe this was fear. It was obvious Mikasa took her ambivalence about kissing personally. And Sasha imagined herself explaining that it wasn't Mikasa's fault; it was Sasha, and if their potential relationship wouldn't work for something that was Sasha's fault except not really her fault it was just how she was born or something? Dr. Zoë hadn't explained if she was born this way or anything-.

At the back of the school, secluded now that class had been over for a while, was Mikasa, sitting on a bench. The spring air was a little refreshing and the setting sun looked a little romantic, maybe. 

“Hey,” said Mikasa. Her arms were over the back of her bench. Deliberately laid back. Sasha didn't need to know how hard she was trying to look that laid back. 

“Oh, hey, Mikasa,” said Sasha. She walked up awkwardly. “I, uh, owe you an apology-"

"No," Mikasa said. She smiled quickly. She patted the bench beside her. "Lets just enjoy the sunset for a moment?" 

Sasha took a seat, and stared weakly to the horizon. Yeah, it was definitely maybe a little romantic 

Mikasa pulled out a chocolate coated pastry stick and held it out towards Sasha. Mikasa smiled quickly again. 

Sasha moved to grab it, but Mikasa pulled it back, twirled it around in her fingers for a moment and then stuck it in her mouth. 

Sasha's mouth hung open, aghast, until MIkasa tapped the end of the stick. 

Sasha's mouth formed a silent oh and she blushed a little. So that was the game.

So Sasha leaned forwards and opened her mouth. 

Mikasa's nostrils twitched a little as she inhaled through her nose. They made eye contact briefly and Sasha didn't know which of them looked away first. 

But that little stutter wouldn't keep Sasha from a chocolate covered biscuit stick, so Sasha redoubled her motion. 

And Mikasa moved the stick to the opposite corner of her mouth. 

"Mi~ka~sa~!" whined Sasha. 

Sasha crawled over the bench, over Mikasa, and tried to bite the biscuit stick again.

And Mikasa moved it further away. 

Sasha chased it for a moment, as it circled MIkasa's mouth-

And then Sasha realized she was straddling Mikasa. If she focused, she could feel Mikasa's thunderous heartbeat. 

MIkasa stopped moving the chocolate stick around. They stared at each other and Sasha opened her mouth and took a bite of the stick-

And then Sasha took another bite, and another and another-

And then their lips were touching. It was nice. 

Sasha pulled back and stood up and brushed herself off. 

 "So I needed to talk to you about something," Sasha said to the sunset. 

Mikasa tried to make eye contact. She succeeded maybe for a second. 

"Um," Sasha said, "I'm asexual." 

"Oh," Mikasa said. "That's cool." 

"So-" Sasha said, "I don't know if you want to have sex or anything...." 

"Not at this moment, no." 

Mikasa kept her poker face. 

Sasha was too nervous to laugh, but she sat back down on the bench. "So um," she said, briefly making eye contact, "What do you want out of our relationship?"

Mikasa blinked a couple times. "What do you mean?"

"I mean-" Sasha said. "I'm comfortable the way we are. Is- is there something you want? I'll tell you if I think I can make it happen." 

Mikasa looked into the distance. Then she looked back at Sasha. "More kissing?" 

Sasha chuckled. "I think I can manage that. How many biscuit sticks do you have?" 

Mikasa pulled a box from her backpack and shook it. Sasha chuckled and Mikasa put it back into her pack. 

They stared at the sunset again. Sasha decided to lay her hand on Mikasa's. Mikasa immediately grasped it, a little too tightly at first, but she saw Sasha's wince and lightened her grip. 

"And-" Mikasa began, "How about you? Do you want anything from me?" 

Sasha scrunched her face. "Maybe you could cook for me sometime?" 

"Ok. Sounds fun." 

"Ummm," Sasha said, "You have to read my favorite book."

"Alright."  

"Oooh!" Sasha said, "We have to be chemistry lab partners. Forever." 

Mikasa frowned theatrically. It wasn't long until it turned into a grin. "I don't know...." she said. 

"Mikasa!" 

Mikasa laughed to herself. "I'll think about it. But no promises." 

"Mi~ka~sa~!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

BONUS: REJECTED JOKE:

 

 

"S-so there's this girl I like," Sasha said.

"Mikasa, yes." Dr. Zoe said. 

"I-it was that obvious?"

"Well, it's in the fic tags, so you were going to get together eventually."

 

 


End file.
